Left dsd alone on holiday

How exactly.?

what was op supposed to do leave the other kids and go looking for a 19 year old-cancel all 6 flights and try and book another one?

your dh is being ridiculous tell him next time he can take them all alone

How?

HI OPs DH wave I

How?

She wasn’t back, she wasn’t answering her phone?
What would you have done? Taken four young children and dragged them to wherever she was? Not that OP would definitely have know where that was. Told her to come and if she didn’t, like she ignored OP previously? Dragged her? Got one of the younger children to help drag her?

Just how would you have made sure? Read back on how the DSD was behaving the whole holiday.

I would make it a rule if you go on holiday dh is expected to go if she goes if he doesn't then she stays home too. She sounds like a 13 year old not a 19.

I think she is probably learning that alcohol and trauma are not a good mix. It sounds like she was on a drunken mission all week. I would have been annoyed with her as it’s a family holiday. Time for some honest conversations and more rules in place in front of young dc.

You totally did the right thing. But when she gets home, level with her. I would say:

’Look you know I love you, I am not having this crap that I wish you weren’t there and would rather be with just my own children. You know that’s bollocks. BUT! I let it go when you threw up every where and I had to shower you. You know Lucy saw you in that state and got upset. But there is no bloody way you’re bringing blokes back for a shag while the younger children are there. C’mon, it’s a family holiday for god sake. I do have standards. You can’t act like a grown-up and then moan when I leave you to get home by yourself. You’re growing up, you’ll fuck up every now and then, and I still fuck up too. Maybe I shouldn’t have left you because your Dad is cross with me now. But let’s move on and just park it now. But don’t ever say I don’t love you. I do.

That's a ridiculous suggestion obviously. I'd have made sure she was on the plane with us.

Natural consequences are just fine at that age. You tried, she ignored you. But also, where is your dh in this parenting scenario?

I hope she recovers from the trauma you describe with support from her dad and you. It sounds like she might still have some way to go.

Your DH has got a cheek to moan about how you handled it. He should be deeply grateful you have been able to manage to take 5 kids away, I would take my hat off to you. She’s a plonker but rearranging flights/ accommodation for everyone would be a nightmare.

Lovely!

'Biological or step, makes no difference'. Sadly you are incorrect on this. As we can see on this forum day in day out.

Jeez, OP. Your hubby is signing from the cheap seats here. Make sure you don't take her anywhere without him again.

I’m normally on the side of a step child but you’ve done nothing wrong. However hard things are or have been for her it isn’t okay to be bringing men back drunk when there are young children in the house. And there’s nothing you can do if she doesn’t answer her phone - missing your flight and having nowhere to stay with young children oils have been very irresponsible.

What would you have done? Rearranged flights for 2 adults and 4 children instead of 1 adult?
Don't be ridiculous

Has she explained what she expected you to do?

I think you handled the situation perfectly 👌

Biological or step, makes no difference.
A 19 year old adult was jeopardising the well-being of the rest of the family.
As someone else so aptly put it, she Fucked Around and Found Out.

Honestly, at 19 years old on holiday with her very young brothers and sisters, I'd be disappointed she wasn't acting more responsibly.

I loved helping out with younger kids at that age. Not saying that she should have been at your beck and call doing childcare, of course some time with other people her own age would have also been great, but I'm surprised she wasn't pitching in of her own accord. I remember helping out with younger kids at that age, it made me feel quite grown up.

Excellent.
Next trip he solo parents all 5...

Dsd is just deflecting by blaming you and feeling sorry for herself. Id take it with a pinch of salt.

Pick her up from airport. Take her for a coffee or something to eat. Talk it through

OP tell her you love her. Then bollock her for her behaviour. But tell her you love her again.

19 yo went through similar with parents abandoning me and I struggled a lot. Drank too much. Aye too much. Wrecked myself and all I needed was a real parent.

It was clear from the OP's reply to me about 15 minutes before you posted this.

Where am I blaming him and what for?

Im agreeing that he was out of order questioning OP.

But I can’t see any “blame”? I’m not saying that it’s his fault DSD was acting badly?

Answer this, would you like to have been on the holiday dealing with drunken DSD, crying DC and strange men being brought back? Or rather had been at work (earning money Obs), coming home to a peaceful house? I know which one I would prefer. Maybe not his fault or choice, but then don’t start picking holes in OPs parenting decision.

Nothing wrong with what you did.

She is 19, and whilst she obvious has some issues that are impacting her behaviour and reactions to situations, these are her issues to deal with. She has to work out her strategies to function in the world - or choose not to. But either way, the world won't bend to suit her.

It was definitely right to carry on with your plans with the 4 younger ones, than risk being stuck in an airport for hours - and with no guarantee she would even turn up for the rearranged flight.

I think a strong conversation with your husband is in order. What he may or may not have done is irrelevant. You were the parent in charge and you took the decision.