Left dsd alone on holiday

You'd have thought so - but she never mentioned it did she.

Exactly this. Don’t feel bad. You couldn’t have done more.

She needs to get over it and learn from it. The biggest issue here (apart from scaring the little ones) is keeping herself safe. You won’t be there every time she gets smashed and brings a bloke home so she needs to prioritise her own safety.

No you're being illogical. And your responses don't make sense.

I'm sorry that so many people on here can't admit that parents treat step kids (of whatever age) differently. It's a thing and it's very very sad.

Do you not think if she had a number she wouldn't have used it when the girl didn't answer?

Stop beings so literal. OP knows them - she would have a number. Or more than one number who knows. Landline or mobiles.

The parent on the spot makes the decision. He has to back you up. What is HE doing to make this troubled young woman to feel
more secure and stable? It isn’t all on you is it?

Given that you took her away on holiday when neither of her parents did he should be very very grateful and this nonsense about “we should” anything would make me feel pretty resentful of his expectations of you.

I wonder if there needs to be some discreet honesty with her dad about her behaviour on this holiday.

Obviously when they left drunk at 3am she wasn't going to get back in time for a flight in the morning (what time was it?) - so I'd have first said (at 3am) she needs to stay he needs to go. If they ignored me (which being drunk and self righteous they might well have done).

He was told to go the DSD went with him, she wasn’t told to go, she chose to!

then when she realised SD wasn't back she could've called the boys home - yep woken up other parents up, and told the SD to get back ASAP as we have a flight to catch

Assuming she had the house number, which is how likely? Or the parents mobile numbers?

If at that point she didn't come back in time - fair do's.

So why spout the utter nonsense of “I would’ve made sure she got in the plane with us? Because now you’re saying you wouldn’t!

Called the house? On what? A landline? It's 2026!
Just because she knows the young man doesn't mean she has the family contact details

How would you get a stroppy, hungover teen to the airport if she wasn't bothered about it ... prob not packed either.

She's an adult and obviously knew she was due to fly home with you. You've done what you thought was the right thing arranging a later flight, so you knew she could get home - that was what you thought was right. At the same time it wouldn't have been unreasonable to leave her to sort it out herself.

If you're likely to go away again with her and all the children, you will obviously need to make it very clear about what's expected and if she can't adhere to that, you'll ask her to leave the accommodation.

For both yours and your DHs sake I’d suggest you ask you DH that he be specific. It’s very easy to say ‘we/you need to be more understanding’ but what it actually does is dismiss the issue. It is a throw away comment which only serves to manage his own discomfort, while failing to address the situation.

Can you ask DH to be specific? He needs to understand the situation and specifically say how he would have managed it differently. The purpose of this is to get him to properly think about the whole situation, for all your kids’ sakes, so you can both be fully in agreement moving forward.

I have a 19 year old daughter and i wouldnt even have helped with the rearranged flight home if she acted like that.

You did everything you could. The only thing i wonder, did you report back to her dad when she was going off the rails on holiday.

He could do that by actually going on the holiday or having her home and making a fuss of her. All this "we need to"... appears to be the royal "we" as and I see where he is in this.

He wasn't there, he trusted you with her. He therefore keeps his nose out of how you handled it.

This sounds fair enough then. It sounds like DH isn't criticising you, just (as you say) trying to be diplomatic, same as you are. I think you dealt with it fine and wouldn't worry about it further.

OP
you sound absolutely lovely !

'On our last night she went out again but promised she’d be back by midnight as we were flying home the next morning. She then loudly turned up at 3am with a boy that she does know, I know his parents but I do not know or trust him enough to have him in the house with my small dc. I told him to go home, she chose to go with him and I didn’t try to stop her. I called her in the morning and she didn’t answer so we went home without her.'

Obviously when they left drunk at 3am she wasn't going to get back in time for a flight in the morning (what time was it?) - so I'd have first said (at 3am) she needs to stay he needs to go. If they ignored me (which being drunk and self righteous they might well have done).

Then - OP knew where her SD was, she knows the family, she knows the boy. I understand she didn't want the step daughters boyfriend around her small biological kids over night. So then when she realised SD wasn't back she could've called the boys home - yep woken up other parents up, and told the SD to get back ASAP as we have a flight to catch.

If at that point she didn't come back in time - fair do's.

And I think OP would've done that for her bio kid (obv rhetorical as they are little atm).

And how would you have done that with four young children in tow ? Cancelling five flights would have been irresponsible and expensive and whether DSD was a bio child or not is irrelevant, the fact that you think it is, frankly says more about you than OP who has stepped up to parenting her in the absence of her own mother. DSD is an adult. She knew the flight times, she ignored OP’s calls and didn’t show up. OP absolutely did the right thing by putting the younger kids first, getting them home and then rearranging DSD’s flight.

She's 19 not 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely. Old tough to go clubbing, old enough to sort a flight out.

I would certainly have left her if I had younger DC to deal with. I travelled on my own in Europe at 18. I expect my DC to be able to do so as well.

Her behaviour was very poor and DH needs to have words.

I also think if someone is mature enough to be allowed to go out drinking that they should be mature enough to cope with managing their travel home.

I absolutely would if the alternative was paying for 6 additional flights and possibly accommodation - at 19 she’s more than able to catch a flight that I had rebooked for her. She chose not to be back in time for known travel arrangements, if she was travelling independently no one would be fixing it for her.