Left dsd alone on holiday

Also think some family therapy (if you haven't tried it already, @squarecow) might be a good idea. There's a bit of an awkward triangle with you, DH and DSD.

I genuinely think you were / are doing your best but the other two don't have their eyes fully open / aren't receptive to self-reflection.

I actually think something huge is being missed here in that OP had no right to force DSD onto the plane.

All well and good people saying they would have done that (Christ knows how... We're still waiting on that) but they're completely ignoring the fact that, as an adult, DSD has autonomy and OP had no power over her.

Even if I was being an absolute bellend, at 18, I would have been seriously pissed off if someone tried to control me!

She sounds like she's had trauma that's making her drink too much/act out, but she's a young adult and taking the massive piss. She needs to be told, preferably by your DH.

You basically had to parent an adult, who has made it clear in the past you're to stay in your lane.

She made a fool of herself, made sure you had a shit time, amd scared her siblings. And now she probably has the hangover from hell, and is deflecting her shame.

DH should be thanking you, and sitting her down and say we love you, but you've behaved appallingly and you need to apologise. Amd asking whether she needs more support to work through stuff.

Incredible behaviour not turning up for flight home. Who arranged and paid for her alternative flight back? Hope not the OP. Fair enough about going out partying and drinking etc but I would ask for more responsible behaviour on a number of fronts: not vomiting drunk (or at least clean yourself up), not shagging in a holiday flat with younger siblings and making sure you make the flight home. I think the boundaries here are not made clear enough - and clearly her dad thinks that the few boundaries that were imposed were too strict. I think too many excuses are being made for some of the extremes of the behaviour and the dad isn't being given the full picture of her behaviour either. This is going to get worse before it gets better if boundaries are clearly upheld and the enabling behaviour has to stop completely.

Yeah I agree. Sorry!

Jeeze, I hate it when a thread gets hijacked by people arguing between themselves, like dogs with a bone. Apart from anything else, it drives OPs away whenever it happens.

Anyway, @squarecow , is she back, and has her dad had words with her, or at least backed you up re you needing to get the younger kids home?
I hope you filled him in on the stuff you originally kept from him. And if you didn't, you should let SD know that you have saved her skin by keeping things from him.

I’m this case they are!

It’s the ones with the mild statements of I’d have made sure she got on the plane.. then can’t say how, you’ve got to worry about!

I mean come on!! Just how?

Yep

Ha ha - you're funny now, I dread to think how you must go on about stuff irl. Is the majority always correct btw? Interesting that you think that..

Perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't even been invited, you know just being a step daughter.

At least the vast majority of posters think you’re wrong! I mean 92% is quite convincing!

Tell me again how you would have made her get on the plane? 😆

Why is it 'resilient' to go out drinking and shagging? Resilient is about how well you can bounce back from distressing situations in life - this behaviour suggests she is still having a hard time.
Yes, she managed to get herself home and luckily nothing bad happened to her, but she wasn't showing any common sense or care for herself and that kind of self-destructive behaviour indicates that she needs more care and attention, not less.

Again, that's certainly another way of looking at it..

What? I accept other opinions, in fact I welcome them.. We don't all need to concur. I like to debate. Listen - if I thought you were right, I'd agree with you.

What a load of codswallop. Fragile my arse. She was resilient enough to go out drinking and shagging and expect OP to clean up after her. OP had four younger children to think about - DSD knew what time the flight was and declined to be there on time.

OP got herself and her younger children home safely and then rearranged the flight for her DSD. Which is what any sensible parent would do. Actions do speak louder than words - OP took her on holiday and look how she was repaid. This isn’t about leaving a stepchild and concentrating on bio children, this is about prioritising your much younger children and leaving an older adult child to sort herself out after being a pain in the arse for the whole holiday, culminating in her deliberately missing her flight home. DSD should be the one apologising and if I were OP I would think twice and then a couple more times before ever taking her on holiday again.

I’m guessing you have problems maintaining relationships? You cannot accept other opinions, or that you are wrong

😑

'But you’ve done nothing but give me grief about my opinion?
Even complained when I’ve commented with “oh your back” like it’s ok for you to comment as much as you like, but not others with an opposing view….. why’s that?'

??!! People are welcome to their opinions, and others are welcome to disagree. As much as they like. I welcome discussion.

'probably can’t answer that,ike you can’t answer how you’d have made sure the DSD got on the plane!'

Like groundhog day here. I have responded to you on this more than once.

Parent of an 18 yo dd. I don’t think she’d go off like this. However, she doesn’t want to pick up the phone to me if out. She wants texts.

Whilst I agree with not letting him stay, I don’t think the 19 yo would have picked up the phone whilst hungover or on a shag fest. And it sounds as if she was probably asleep when it was time to leave for the airport.

But she’s plenty old enough to catch a plane alone! Get pissed and shag any she feels like.

But you’ve done nothing but give me grief about my opinion?

Even complained when I’ve commented with “oh your back” like it’s ok for you to comment as much as you like, but not others with an opposing view….. why’s that?

probably can’t answer that,ike you can’t answer how you’d have made sure the DSD got on the plane!

I think your approach is pretty bang on, you've tried not to over judge the girl and been understanding but set a boundary and gotten yourselves home safely then supported her getting home.

Honestly, think on! You’re massively over invested in a young woman, that is capable of getting home from a holiday alone! DSD, DD or whatever!

'It’s nothing to do with bio vs step, it’s to do with ages, actions and practicalities.'

Everybody is welcome to their own opinion, of course!

19 isn't young?What planet are you on??? She's not a child, but she's not a middle aged woman either.

@Queenncat ,

At what age do you think people need to bear responsibility for their actions. What if the stepdaughter was 25, or 35?!

She opted for a drunken one night stand and then not answering her phone, having already had an evening of drunken puking in front of her much younger siblings.

From what the OP said, she wasn’t even made to pay for her flight.

It’s nothing to do with bio vs step, it’s to do with ages, actions and practicalities.