Because I absolutely refuse to believe these things are growing naturally, in full view, over a period of several weeks.
I inspect my face. I own mirrors. I have functioning eyes.
And yet every so often I’ll casually touch my chin and discover a hair so long and established it should have its own council tax band.
There is simply no way that was there yesterday.
I think it’s the same elves hiding out of date food in my kitchen.
Two weeks ago I went through the entire spice rack and ruthlessly binned everything past its best by date.
Today I found a jar dated 2022.
Explain yourselves, elves.