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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu me or dh?

34 replies

LookedAtTheSun · 12/08/2026 21:20

Need to know whose in the wrong here.

Dh went out all day Sunday, no problem with this said he'd be back by 6 latest. He didn't come home till 2am very drunk waking me up!

Then today we went out (dh is off work) for the day with dc. He kept loosing his patience with me, even though I drove us all to the place and arranged the day. Soon as we got in the car to come home dhs friend from Sunday rang and asked if he fancied a few pints. Dh said he'd only be 2 hours max when we got home that was at 3pm.

Well he's still out and saying he will be back by 11pm as he's gone and brought more beers so will be much later than 11.

He goes out often pretty much every other day to see fiends after work, he does spend time with dc but could do more. I've basically lost my patience with him and told him he's a prick for going out so much and leaving me to watch dc yet again!
I have no friends or family nearby so I don't ever get to go out myself but if I did I know he wouldn't like me going out drinking all the time.
He's saying I'm causing a problem out of nothing and he's not a child but aibu to think it's not hard to be honest? Sunday he didn't even tell me he was drinking

OP posts:
havingoneofthosedays · 12/08/2026 21:48

Out of interest what made you both get together? You are a non drinker and he clearly loves a drink. See this all the time on here and the mind boggles

Original poster
LookedAtTheSun · 12/08/2026 21:43

somekindof · 12/08/2026 21:39

Look up some ‘am I an alcoholic’ questionnaires online and answer them as if you’re him. Problematic drinking is not about the frequency, it’s about the impact on your life and how much of a priority it is, how you think about it. While you can’t know the latter about your DH you can guess, and you do know how it impacts family life.
My DH was a binge drinker, not even every week like yours, but when he was finally honest about how preoccupied with it he was it was shocking. He hasn’t had a drink now for 9 years, we are all much happier.
That thing you describe of ‘just popping out for one’, then rolling in pissed in the early hours bought back memories. No off switch, can’t stop at two is a big alarm bell.

Yes he's a binge drinker. Sometimes polishes off a bottle of vodka; my parents are functioning alcoholics and I can see the signs. Sad I am completely teetotal for this reason and he knows it. Just sad I am married to one when I was trying to escape it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LookedAtTheSun · 12/08/2026 21:40

Pleasedontdoitagain · 12/08/2026 21:34

He's saying I'm causing a problem out of nothing
It's not you causing the problem. It's him.
He sounds as though he has an alcohol dependency.
Of course it's totally unreasonable for him to be out socialising all the time and leaving you at home to be the parent.
Even if you have no friends and family you should arrange a night out for yourself - cinema? A meal? Even a trip out to a cafe. Or better still find yourself a hobby you can join. And tell him staying into look after the children. Build a life for yourself.

Yes I think I'm going to have too. Feel like I am going stir crazy sat the sofa every evening on my own starring at the TV with nobody to talk too. Stupidly I thought he would want to spend a evening with me after today think that's why I am more upset than usual.

OP posts:
somekindof · 12/08/2026 21:39

Look up some ‘am I an alcoholic’ questionnaires online and answer them as if you’re him. Problematic drinking is not about the frequency, it’s about the impact on your life and how much of a priority it is, how you think about it. While you can’t know the latter about your DH you can guess, and you do know how it impacts family life.
My DH was a binge drinker, not even every week like yours, but when he was finally honest about how preoccupied with it he was it was shocking. He hasn’t had a drink now for 9 years, we are all much happier.
That thing you describe of ‘just popping out for one’, then rolling in pissed in the early hours bought back memories. No off switch, can’t stop at two is a big alarm bell.

Pleasedontdoitagain · 12/08/2026 21:34

He's saying I'm causing a problem out of nothing
It's not you causing the problem. It's him.
He sounds as though he has an alcohol dependency.
Of course it's totally unreasonable for him to be out socialising all the time and leaving you at home to be the parent.
Even if you have no friends and family you should arrange a night out for yourself - cinema? A meal? Even a trip out to a cafe. Or better still find yourself a hobby you can join. And tell him staying into look after the children. Build a life for yourself.

Original poster
LookedAtTheSun · 12/08/2026 21:28

SummerHols2026 · 12/08/2026 21:26

Couldn’t be with someone who spent every other day out, drinking or not. Sounds like he’s avoiding family life.

He's not always drinking; it's mainly once a week or twice maximum. It's depressing, we have a good life and seems like he's just not finding us interesting enough to spend time with.

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 12/08/2026 21:28

He's a married dad, not an 18 year old. He shouldn't be leaving you to go out with friends all the time.

MrsKeats · 12/08/2026 21:28

Poor kids.
He clearly has a problem with alcohol.

SummerHols2026 · 12/08/2026 21:26

Couldn’t be with someone who spent every other day out, drinking or not. Sounds like he’s avoiding family life.