aibu me or dh?

I swear if women behaved the way men did society would have just collapsed by now
It's fucking tiring listening to what useless pieces of crap so many of them are

Stop wasting your one life on a waste of space xxx you deserve way more

Look at what you’ve written; you are making it your fault. Please realise that this is all on him. He’s a married man with children and he is neglecting all of you, neglecting his responsibilities and neglecting his relationships with all of you.
Know your worth OP. It’s on him.

You say it’s every other day , so he’s off drinking one day , the next he’s feeling rough , ready for road again the next day , recovering day after, & so on & so forth .
That’s how he lives his life .
He has a problem with alcohol & that’s a shitty life he’s living .
He needs to shape up or ship out .
This is not the life you want for you & your children OP .

He's right, he's not a child but why is he acting like one?

I'm sure you would be fine with him going out for a drink every now and then if he actually pulled his weight with the children and at home but he doesn't.

As for losing his patience with you, I'd have put him out of the car for that. Who the fuck does he think he is. It's his fault he's tired and hungover. How dare he take it out on you and the kids.

He needs to understand that if he doesn't start being a good father and husband and pulling his weight, he will be on his own soon. His choice.

He's right, he's not a child. But he is a parent so he needs to grow the fuck up and be a present husband and father. If he's not prepared to do that, then I'd suggest divorce.

i just would not put up with this. He would be out of the house. Absolutely selfish behaviour.

Did he bring his key or will he wake you up at 2.00 am again.. when your dc get up at 6 am.

I'd be texting him that he is either by before 12.00 or the door will be locked.
and you hope he has his keys.

How much is he spending on all this drink? Its getting expensive these days with pints at £7-8

Sorry OP.. you need to start thinking about what the future looks like if he's not interested in stopping this.

Hi op he’s just another selfish dh and dad so many on here. Only you can decide what you want but I would start by making time for myself to go out even if it’s for a coffee or a walk or join something you might make new friends at. Either way he’s an arsehole.

What exactly does he bring to your marriage?

Of course this isn’t normal or ok. He’s a shit husband and a shit Dad.

Then you really need to leave Op, because his drinking won't stop without a lot of effort from him which it doesn't sound like he's ready to make

He doesn’t want to be a husband or a father - but your kids are witnessing this - he needs to get help for his alcoholism and start doing better with you snd the kids or he needs to go - only he can decide

It’s a privilege to have children. And one he doesn’t deserve.

And therein lies your answer. Do you want to stay in this situation forever?

He doesn't want family life. He doesn't like it and he wants to live more or less like a single bloke. That's the bottom line, and nothing you do or say is going to change it OP.

My ex husband did the same I divorced him. Rolling in at 7AM(!), throwing up in the laundry basket, pissing against the bedroom door, on the power cables in my office. All while I was pregnant mind you. Was told it would get better when baby was born - first opportunity he was out until 4am.

Finally ended it one night when quiet dinner with friends became him attempting to order cabs for us all to go clubbing(?!) when we got home at a reasonable hour he insisted he wanted to go out clubbing by himself. Then a strange woman called his number and he wouldn't explain who she was.

Ended it then and there, DD was 10 weeks old. Best thing I ever did, waste of manhood who after 9 years together decided that 37 was the age he wanted to act like his life was an episode of Skins.

Your DH is being unreasonable. And if you feel as affected as I did you need to have a very serious talk with him. I told my ex several times if he carried on I would divorce him. He carried on and FAFO. When it happened (whilst he was sobbing his life was ruined, boo bloody hoo) he said he never expected me to end it and that he knew I was unhappy but as long as he was happy he thought that was ok. They take us for mugs.

Sounds like he has checked out of family life

If he's going out this frequently, it's hard not to feel that he just doesn't want to spend time with you and the children. The heavy drinking is not good either. It's not what I'd be looking for in a long term partner.

I think you need to start some hobbies, going to the gym, meeting new people, making friends. You deserve to have some free time too and he can pitch in and do his fair share of feeding, bathing and putting to bed for the children. Time to put your foot down and tell him to shape up or ship out!

He doesn't want to be with you or your children.
He's a piss head loser.
Start making plans.
Don't waste your life on him.
You and your children deserve better.

I'm not sure if him going out drinking is a bit of a red herring as it sounds like the OP doesn't like him going out as she's lonely. It could just as easily about him 'working all the time'. You need to try and build a support network through local friends if possible. I know that's easy to say.

I think at this point you would find life easier and less stressful without him. One less child to worry about

Sit down and tslk about down time. It should be equal. Agree an amount each week for each of you and stick to it. Take up a hobby or go see a friend. Go to the cinema solo. He won’t understand the impact unless he experiences it