AIBU to think my 11-year-old is not to blame here?

Your are STILL defending her!! Parents should have been supervising the kids as everyone else has told you, and 13 yr old should be punished. What he did was NOT funny. But you are excusing your mother any responsibilty by saying luckily a neighbour is a nurse!! Unbelievable! Where were your patents anyway when this was all going on? 11yr old was terrified and no adult wad there. NOW do you get it?

Your mum is partly to blame for not stopping your 13 old being an idiot. I dont think its the 11 year olds fault either

I seperate them at home and have to break them up if they do get in to a fight but that day my 11 year old wanted to go with him to my parents and then that happened within the first 10 mins.

So you know they fight and have to be separated but you allowed them both to go.

I think that was quite unfair on your mum and it was an accident waiting to happen.

I can see why she’s reluctant to have any children that are going to get injured or cause damage, as it’s a lot to take on.
I’m guessing your sisters kids and the eldest are easier to look after.

Does it matter who is to “blame” that much in this situation ? I mean just don’t get your mum to babysit again if it’s an issue. They are both children at the end of the day and children that age do have rows and accidents happen .

I'd be punishing the 13 year old who should have acted better. Your 11 year old will pay the price for his older brother shitty behaviour through his life.

She was in the garden. A 13yr old and an 11yr old should be able to be unsupervised for an hour or so.

@vulpix123 but you said he's always hassling his little brother
What are you doing about that?

The focus on your mum is ridiculous. You have a problem here between your children.

Not normal behaviour to draw blood and rip hair.

Largely this but we don’t know why the 13 year old did this. His brother may have been antagonizing him and this may have been his child’s way ( he is still a child) of creating space between him and his brother and stopping a physical altercation, in a house where he did not have his own room to retreat to. I certainly would not rush to condemn him without hearing his perspective first.

Neither child could have anticipated the injury.

The grandparents should have intervened as things started to kick off.

Just to add, having a sibling with disability can be hard in siblings. The book ‘Siblings without Rivalry’ really opened my eyes to this.

13 y old instigated all this.

Whole other thread re the endless rows about her favouritism, her physically attacking you, wtf and you being in the FOG, not to mention how spoilt your ds13 sounds and that he ‘physically hurts’ the younger one. Hurting a sibling is not normal.

You seriously need to stop your mum doing all of this-did you break up with the df of ds13 partially because he was so unhappy with your mum’s blatant favouritism and how annoyed it made him? Your mum sounds like she makes your life worse, not better. She’s your only support? Jeez.

Hell of a lot to unpack in this thread!

‘Old trouts’ and ‘battle axe’ wow. 🙄 I have reported your post for your disgusting ageism and sexism.

Op - boys, brothers, that age do piss about, fight and are silly. As a kid I saw my best friend and her sister destroy an entire kitchen as they drew blood and ripped hair out and they were as thick as thieves half an hour later.

I feel sorry for your 13 year old being made a pariah for something that escalated unexpectedly far beyond a bit of horse play. You can certainly give him a bollocking but don’t make a 13 year old child feel lifelong guilt when actually they were not being supervised properly by adults.

Surely the only blame in this situation is on your mum for not actually babysitting? If was looking after the kids then she should be looking after the kids.

To blame this incident on your 11 year old is cruel and when people panic, they don't think rationally, this is a natural reaction. After all, your 11 year old is suffering enough, the grand parents are not seeing the maliciousness of the 13 year old, whose actions lead to what could have resulted in serious blood loss and a worse injury.

@vulpix123 basically saying that your 13-year-old is forever bullying your 11-year-old and you just see it as a minor thing it's not it's really a big deal

Sorry but I don’t think any of the children are fully to blame here including the 13 year old who is literally a child themselves. Yes of course the 13 year old has some responsibility and should be spoken to and apologise but they shoudnt be “blamed “. Siblings taunt and row with each other at that age . I don’t think it’s fair people calling a 13 year old a “dickhead “ and I think placing all the blame on the 13 year old could be quite damaging, I doubt they wanted their sibling to end up in hospital . If you have left all the kids with your parents all I can say is fair play to them for taking on that responsibility. If you have a problem with it you know where to go, don’t take childcare from them again

That's outright bullying and the 13-year-old needs to be punished

And he needs to understand serious seriousness of what he's done.

Was your mum looking after all of your 6 children at once?

It sounds as though you don’t have faith in your own judgement because of your mum. I think you need to be careful about the influence she’s having over you and your eldest.
I’m not sure punishment is actually the most useful or effective thing here- he won’t really learn anything from it and your mum will undermine the punishment by telling him it’s unjust. I think it’s more important on focusing on helping your eldest understand his fault and responsibilities- he caused his brother to panic whether intentional or not and his behaviour can have serious consequences.
Also don’t force an apology if it’s not genuine

At 11 and 13, you would not necessarily supervise every second-this could have have happened in less than the time it took your mum to go to the toilet!
Obviously with SEND children, extra supervision can be needed, and it is up to the parents/carers to discuss this, but most parents in this situation would leave the children for 3 minutes, so I can't see the grandma is to blame (for the accident-not for what she said), unless of course you had warned her not to leave them even for a couple of minutes, OP.

@vulpix123 11 year old not at fault. 11 year old was in a panic, but that was a direct consequence of the situation.

13 year old is a dickhead who is surely old enough to know that playing with a door is a surefire way for someone to get hurt.