To want to uninvite this man?

it is sad and very annoying

why should he op put aside her feelings so this man doesn't feel uncomfortable
ffs its 2026 and some are still telling women to do this, I hope those that are do not have daughters

His text really does sound like it was intended for someone else despite him saying it was intended for you. I wonder if he has more than one of your name in his contacts and he got mixed up. 🤔

That said, I've been alive long enough to have been grimly pursued by men old enough to be my father, and even grandfather at times, but the message just doesn't give me that vibe.

If it was an attempt to test the waters it was incredibly indirect imo, but I didn't receive the text, and it's clearly made you feel uncomfortable.

It's your home, and if want to take back the invite back, that's what you should do.

I had to deal with inappropriate behaviour and comments from a far older man at work, people think that older men don’t have libido or suddenly stop bringing sexual when they get to their fifties but it’s not the case.
why would he choose a thirty year old woman a message seemingly innocuous with wink emojis ‘after a few drinks’ ? Why do younger men send women messages after a few drinks?
feel free to uninvite him if it makes you feel uncomfortable or the potential to feel uncomfortable in your own home.
or you can keep the invitation open test it out and see if he keeps up the uninvited contact.
i know what id do

I’m 34 and I’m just trying to consider how I’d feel if I’d received this from a 64 year old man from my hobby group.

I agree I’d initially be a bit perplexed too, but then I’d make like Elsa and let it go.

OP, gently, I do think you’re overthinking this slightly. You’ve said this is “strange”, “off”, “weird”, “creepy”, “pervy”, “icky” and that you’re “disappointed” and “repulsed” by this. This is such a visceral reaction to what looks like a drunken, misplaced text about a film thats only real offence seems to be an unexplained winky face.

Before the feminists decry me, I’m not saying ignore your instincts but I am saying don’t pour gasoline on them.

Maybe he was testing the waters, maybe he wasn’t.

I would not uninvite him from a group gathering and might actually take the opportunity to say “oh my goodness, you really confused me with that text the other night!” And see the vibes - probably a bit embarrassed and I doubt it’ll happen again.

Unrelated but Brad Pitt is 63 and he could text me about The Odyssey.

I wouldn't uninvite him or send any text explaining how you feel. Not responding to his explanation should be enough for him to know you aren't interested in him in anyway. And more contact from you, regardless of what you say, might give him hope. Stupid men think stupid things. If it was a drunk, inept attempt to flirt with you he might now be too embarrassed to go to your barbecue. Hopefully.

If he does show up just greet him cordially but with a steely look in your eye and guide him towards your other guests who are nearer his age. If he becomes a pest, tell him it is a shame your partner couldn't be here as he would've have loved to have met him because he really misses his granddad. 😁

Yes, but he sounds easily rebuffed then all over. Not a big drama

He was emboldened to text after drinking.

What isn’t as clear is whether this was an (inappropriate) attempt to flirt/ trying it on, or an attempt at friendship. As it’s a social/hobby group the latter is acceptable regardless of age. People make friends with or chat to people of different ages in these situations especially when the hobby is the thing in common.

If it was flirting then that puts a different light on it and it’s understandable you feel uncomfortable. I do know a guy who uses a winking emoji all the time with everyone it just seems to be his thing and he is definitely not flirting. If this guy is trying it on then you’ll be very ready with firm responses if it happens again.

Hard to know after just one incident and about a random film. (Does he know you have a partner?) It’s your house though and you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable. It sounds like you’re now going to be uncomfortable either way so I would go with what ever you think is the least worst option for you.

If you do this you will look ridiculous.

I think you want support in your decision to uninvite him.

It doesn’t seem like you’re getting a consensus here so why not just do what you want.

You are massively overreacting. He told
you he'd seen a film, not asked you to an orgy

Ugh, why do men have to be so creepy? I would uninvite him, let other people think what they want about it but you should listen to your instincts

I disagreed, mid 80s and late 50s implies a 26-28 year age gap.

Highly unusual to become a GP in your twenties, or thirties, or even forties these days.

much more likely to be in your 50, 60s or 70s. 63 is the average age in the UK at which someone becomes a GP.

You feel strongly about this, so uninvite him. Will you feel comfortable seeing him at group club activities moving forwards?

God can love whichever pervy older men he wants, it doesn't mean women have to. If you're going to come on to women half your age, expect for many of them to be repulsed.

Are you aware that most women wouldn't look twice at a man double their age? Do you think women must be comfortable with much, much older men making a pass at them just because some age gap relationships exist?

OP, you're perfectly reasonable for being wary now, I dont know why some people act like a man's dick drops off at 60 and he suddenly becomes a cuddly teddy bear. I cant say if he was flirting or not, but its very possible that he was, and yes, its grim.

No mid 80s he looked dreadful, she looked good as these days people can when they are in their 50s

I'd say you've called it correctly.

I've had plenty of 'tryers' in my life. Men I've had do quotes or work for me in the house who then think because I'm a single mum, I'd welcome their attention. They send random messages or start ending messages with " xx". They definitely don't do that to men!

I think it's that unpleasant situation where there's too much deniability. As your thread has shown, plenty of people would say you're totally overreacting if you uninvite him.

I would keep out of his way and make sure your partner knows who he is.

Text him back again this morning.

Hey Steve,

You confused me last night because none of my friends or family text me that late at night. You were lucky I saw it as my phone is usually on silent.

I have/haven't seen The Odyssey, but my partner has and he/she (if you want to confuse him too) quite enjoyed it. Hopefully you can meet him/her when you come over with the walking group.

Jane

*He doesn't need to know in advance that your partner won't be there, but you've let him know you're not waiting for his social advances and that late texts aren't really appreciated.