Page 10 | To want to uninvite this man?

Roaring111111 · 2026-08-12T16:18:04+00:00

I am having friends from a hobby (a walking group) around for drinks on Sunday afternoon. It’s quite a varied age group ranging from 20-80. I’m in my 30s. He’s in his 60s. One man who I’ve known for around five years stopped coming to the hobby for a while, but he has now started coming back. I sent him a message saying that I was having people around for drinks and invited him, and he accepted. Out of the blue I received a message from him a couple of days ago. It was innocuous really, he was recommending a film and it including a winking emoji. We’ve never discussed films and I’m not interested in them. I replied asking if the message was meant for me. He replied to say it was, but it has been sent after several drinks. It has left me a bit uneasy about seeing him. Is it just innocuous or was this some sort of attempt to flirt? My partner says it was firmly the latter.

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 12/08/2026 22:58

I was about to say what @LankylegsFromOz just said!

’Dear x, your message the other night made me uncomfortable and I would rather you did not come to drinks on Sunday after all.’

If: ‘I’m so sorry, I see it was out of place, I did not mean to upset you and of course I won’t come.’
Then: ‘Thank you for understanding.’

If: ‘I’m so sorry, I was just being friendly and didn’t mean to upset you, may I still come?’
Then: ‘No, please do not come to drinks.’

LankylegsFromOz · 12/08/2026 22:38

Trust your gut! If you dont feel comfortable, then dont do it. Being polite to someone who has acted questionably, at the expense of your own comfort is what us older generation of women had ingrained in us. And, I am so glad younger generations are learning to fuck that shit! It's what I am trying to instil into my daughter and what I am becoming better at myself (although menopause is helping there 🤣).

Makepumpseleven · 12/08/2026 22:36

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 22:13

I guess so, but would you FIL randomly text a 30 year old woman? I have just got a gut feeling about it, but you’re right. It’s disappointing but not a huge deal.

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My ex FIL probably would have. He wasn’t intentionally dodgy, just clueless.

RidiculousDog · 12/08/2026 22:29

I wonder if it was supposed to be the Cyclops!

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 22:13

Healthyalltheway · 12/08/2026 22:07

quick reply as I have to go and have read half the thread. But 60 ish year old FIL sends all sorts of random emojis sometimes, not sure why and he wouldn't have a clue what they mean or really care. I guess, emojis like texts can be so easily mistaken - there is no context etc. Unless you are from the same age and sub culture they can mean different things or nothing. don't overthink it

I guess so, but would you FIL randomly text a 30 year old woman? I have just got a gut feeling about it, but you’re right. It’s disappointing but not a huge deal.

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NotAnotherScarf · 12/08/2026 22:09

LittleMonks11 · 12/08/2026 21:31

Oh give over. Repulsed?!

Yes a man in his 60s making a move on a woman in her 30s is pretty grim.

Today I came across a couple...he mid 80s...her late 50s (they told me). Fucking grim he looked like her grandad

Healthyalltheway · 12/08/2026 22:07

quick reply as I have to go and have read half the thread. But 60 ish year old FIL sends all sorts of random emojis sometimes, not sure why and he wouldn't have a clue what they mean or really care. I guess, emojis like texts can be so easily mistaken - there is no context etc. Unless you are from the same age and sub culture they can mean different things or nothing. don't overthink it

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 22:02

LittleMonks11 · 12/08/2026 21:49

Oh I thought you meant repulsed by the text. He’s made an idiot of himself. I’m sure he’ll be sheepish and maybe even send his excuses.

I hope so! I haven’t mentioned the drinks again so maybe he’ll just not turn up.

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Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It is not a fake post. Get a grip.

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TheCheekyCyanHelper · 12/08/2026 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LittleMonks11 · 12/08/2026 21:49

Oh I thought you meant repulsed by the text. He’s made an idiot of himself. I’m sure he’ll be sheepish and maybe even send his excuses.

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 21:44

LittleMonks11 · 12/08/2026 21:31

Oh give over. Repulsed?!

Repulsed by the idea of encouraging a 60 year old man who’s twice my age? Would you not be repulsed at the thought of encouraging a man twice your age??

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LittleMonks11 · 12/08/2026 21:31

Oh give over. Repulsed?!

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 21:28

Bonkers1966 · 12/08/2026 21:26

Just don't encourage him. I am sure he has eyes for you but that's his problem.

I definitely will not be. It makes me feel a bit repulsed.

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Bonkers1966 · 12/08/2026 21:26

Just don't encourage him. I am sure he has eyes for you but that's his problem.

NotAnotherScarf · 12/08/2026 21:22

BillieWiper · 12/08/2026 18:17

What does 'unless it was in line with a 'keep it quite ' type of way' mean?!

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As in I have a spare ticket to the match tomorrow but don't tell Billy because he's been going on about me giving it to him. And he always gets drunk before the game.

Or

There's a small gig by that band you like, I can get you in but don't tell everyone

Or

Don't tell your teacher you weren't ill when your mum and I let you stay home the last day of term

Those harmless secrets that protect you/others being upset by

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 21:19

FrauPaige · 12/08/2026 21:18

What is wrong with a man 'testing the waters"? Surely it's only an issue if a man won't take no for an answer or behaves in an aggressive or intimidating manner.

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He is 60 and I am 30. It is extremely weird. I couldn’t imagine a 60 year old woman testing any waters with a 30 year old man.

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FrauPaige · 12/08/2026 21:18

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 20:49

Why send me, who’s never expressed any interest in films, or discussed this with him, a message about that? And then follow it up by explaining he’d had a drink? It was clearly to test the waters.

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What is wrong with a man 'testing the waters"? Surely it's only an issue if a man won't take no for an answer or behaves in an aggressive or intimidating manner.

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 21:16

Pistachiocake · 12/08/2026 21:08

Wink doesn't necessarily mean sexual to a lot of people. Think about how smiley face/thumbs up mean very different things to different people. It could even be related to the film, if it's I, Robot etc.
To clear your mind, talk a lot about your partner if you like, making it clear you're not interested in more than friends.

Thank you. I know the point you’re making but I really don’t think I should have to do that to make it clear I am not interested in 60 year old men. I just don’t understand why he did it.

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Pistachiocake · 12/08/2026 21:08

Wink doesn't necessarily mean sexual to a lot of people. Think about how smiley face/thumbs up mean very different things to different people. It could even be related to the film, if it's I, Robot etc.
To clear your mind, talk a lot about your partner if you like, making it clear you're not interested in more than friends.

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 20:49

DeanGaffneysCumFace · 12/08/2026 20:35

He sent you a film recommendation, not a picture of his pink oboe for crying out loud!

Why send me, who’s never expressed any interest in films, or discussed this with him, a message about that? And then follow it up by explaining he’d had a drink? It was clearly to test the waters.

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DeanGaffneysCumFace · 12/08/2026 20:35

He sent you a film recommendation, not a picture of his pink oboe for crying out loud!

Original poster

Roaring111111 · 12/08/2026 20:35

AgentPidge · 12/08/2026 20:30

I don't think you can uninvite him but you'll be fine. There will be plenty of other people there who, as the host, you'll need to talk to. So if he tries to collar you, you can look over his shoulder and say 'Sorry, I just have to get Jane a drink" and leave him. He's probably really embarrassed anyway.

If he was embarrassed he’d surely have played along with that it was meant for someone else? That’s what I’d have done.

I’m not scared or anything, more disappointed and awkward.

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winter8090 · 12/08/2026 20:33

Give him the benefit of the doubt. You can’t uninvite him on the basis he sent you a film recommendation with a winking emoji.

AgentPidge · 12/08/2026 20:30

I don't think you can uninvite him but you'll be fine. There will be plenty of other people there who, as the host, you'll need to talk to. So if he tries to collar you, you can look over his shoulder and say 'Sorry, I just have to get Jane a drink" and leave him. He's probably really embarrassed anyway.