AIBU to want to sell the house rented to my son’s girlfriend?

If the Op is in the same situation as me its coming to a close for those who have been here since the beginning (but is still open for people who have been here for a shorter period).

However the OP says she is now renting the property to the family so wont be getting the Homes for Ukraine payments anymore.

So if your son has a significant amount of money why can’t his girlfriend move in with him. If you need to sell that property to fund your retirement I would have thought that was entirely reasonable.

Did you get paid via the Governments Ukrainian housing scheme ? Do you still or is it coming to a close ?

There might be a middle of the road solution, where you sell the house but don’t start the process immediately.

eg. Sit down with them both and explain that the house was bought as part of retirement planning and the time for selling it is coming up in the next year (or whatever time frame). Explain selling takes time, but also don’t want it to be a surprise to either of them in case everyone’s forgotten then arrangement was never long term. And that you’re planning to put it on the market in X months time.

To be fair to the OP, she was under the impression that the girlfriend is actually married to a man back home in Ukraine. It’s no wonder she’s a bit unsettled by the situation, especially as attempts to clear the matter up are met with hostility.

If he's got money, he can buy your house if he's so committed to her.

It's not a great time to sell at the moment anyway. Surely it would be much more beneficial for your retirement if you have a property that brings you a few hundred quid every month? Because then, you still own the property AND you're getting something out of it. If you sell it, that's it, you have one lump sum (which by current values wouldn't be great) and no more income.

It sounds like you'd be cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Do that, and your son may very well cut contact with you and go to Ukraine when she moves back.

I'm not sure what your problem with her is. You seemed to like her before she started dating your son. Please don't be "that" mother in law.

Have you considered maybe her husband in Ukraine has died?

It’s possible if she was married that relationship has broken down, or they are divorced.

Or, given that her husband was left in the middle of a war, there’s a strong possibility he’s dead.

Is it just because she is possibly married you disapprove of the relationship OP or are you concerned she has 3 DC or disapprove for other reasons?

It’s possible if she was married that relationship has broken down, or they are divorced.

It’s reasonable to increase the rent by a fair level and to give legal notice to quit in due course. Giving extra notice would help her relocate.

Sounds like you did a lot for an at the time vulnerable family and that now dating your son you maybe view as a betrayal of some kind?

Your son won’t discuss the relationship with you because it’s none of your business.

Reading between the lines, it seems your desire to sell is motivated by your wanting to remove her from your son’s life, because you disapprove. If your son thinks the same then this will blow up in your face.

Can you imagine if you evict her, then they move in together and have children… I would suggest considering all potential outcomes and how they might impact on each of you before you come to a decision.

on a separate note, the market is dead at the moment, might be better to wait.

Look, if you want to sell the property, sell it. Don't get tangled up in your son's relationship, that's none of your business.

Just tell your son that you don't want to rent out the property anymore so you're putting it on the market. Make sure that you complete all the correct paperwork and give the tenant plenty of notice. Perhaps she might decide to buy it.

I can’t help thinking that there is more to be said here

It’s in the OP.

I agree
and with your DH,

Is it essential that you sell the property right now? Or is this about discouraging your son from continuing the relationship.? I don't think this will work. Probably the opposite.

If your plan was eventually to sell for retirement... its fair to warn her or him when that might be... say 2028 or whatever, so that she knows she's got a time to make plans. but it sounds like you want to act right now.. Would you do that if she wasn't dating your son?
She won't find a new home for the same rate that easily and she has got three small children to think about and sometimes, its better to have a good tennant for the longer term, even if they pay slightly less than the market rate than having to do drawn out changeovers, maybe not have as good tennants. You have some income from it and hopefully its going up in value.

I've just read Lionel Shriver's latest novel A Better Life.
It's an incredibly well written book looking at a fictional scheme in New York. Not sure if I recommend it to you OP, given the circumstances but it was a great read.

What does your husband think you should do

Yes offer to sell it to your son. That way you get to liquidate your assets and he gets the chance to buy it.

Maybe he will be pleased at the opportunity? And less rude to you both.

So this is just ‘one’ of your rental properties? Therefore there are others you could sell but choose to sell the one your son’s girlfriend whom you never had any issues with before you found out about the relationship is living in? You must be able to see how this might look to them when you have other properties you could sell to improve your retirement?

Spookily Im in a similar situation. We have a property that is occupied by a mother and children. They have been there since April 2022 and the homes for ukraine extension scheme payments end in a couple of months. We have allowed them to stay all this time but will now need to notify them that they can't stay any longer. Its really hard to do. We can't allow our guests to rent the property since we've left it as long as we possibly could but cant keep carrying the costs.

You’re in a difficult position now if her rent is cheap you’ll struggle to sell it with her in situ because the new landlord can only raise her rent aligned to certain percentages

and to get her out to sell it empty you’ll need to do an evocation and section 21 no longer exists

To be fair on her there could be a number of reasons. I know many, many people who moved somewhere (here included) and the usual plan is “I’ll stay for a year” or something along those lines and invariably life carries on and plans change.

About the married thing… I’m also not surprised. But we’re not privy to people’s marriages so who knows.

OP you are not unreasonable to sell the house if you need to liquidise an asset to ease your way into retirement.

But you do need to balance that benefit against the potential damage to your relationship with your son. Seems that the latter may outweigh the former.

But mostly I came on here to thank for using the word counterfactual! I am a lawyer and only ever encounter it in court. It made my day to read such a good word used in an everyday context!

Of course YANBU to want to sell. We!re doing the same, selling our rental to support our retirement. We’re very lucky that the tenants want to buy so we can offer them the 5% discount. What will you do if your ds wants to buy it or she does (no idea if she has the wherewithal) or she then moves into your ds’s house?

Even with money, it's a huge amount of stress and far from guaranteed. The govt has been talking about making it even more difficult too, eg applying new harsher rules retrospectively. If she was just after a passport there are much easier places to go in Europe to get one (Ireland being the obvious for English speakers)

I can appreciate why you might want to distance yourself from the situation and I think that's wise, just that I doubt this would be her motivation. His money might be though!