AIBU to want to sell the house rented to my son’s girlfriend?

The OP has explained that she stopped getting support when she let the house to her

@Monvelo
It may be hard for her true
So she may be prepared to do whatever she's got to do..........

You are able to continue obtaining the money from the Ukrainian scheme when a person goes into a rental property you own.

Ridiculous and wrong

@Einely
If you want to sell the house
Then sell it its yours after all
Just make sure you totally do your research first
And serve proper notice
She's literally landed on her feet with you renting it to her at a low rent for years and knows it so that should stop for a start
Another thing this business with her 3 children?
Although she's working, paying her way
Your son has taken them on?
Look,
I'm going to be unpopular here and say she's with your son BECAUSE of the way it is with the house, the children, if the scenario were different would she even have honestly looked at him twice?
But he's a grown man and has a brain in his head, made his own decision
So you either raise the rent to the current true-value rate and SHE PAYS
Or
As I'm assuming they're both working you put it to them to get a mortgage together
I reckon she's banking on your son to see that it all comes out to her advantage over you somehow.
Your son knows he's subconsciously being played but will dig his heels in
But if it implodes it implodes
You need that money for your future and
Could you honestly in the future rely on him to help you out?
Ask yourself,
What do you think she'd have done
Going by details you DO know so far???

I'd up the rent to close to market value and see what happens- what your son has done is hurtful but you shouldn't let that colour your judgement- if she wants to keep renting fine, but you need close to market rate. Your son might be angry but he is going to be angry unless you continue to rent to her very cheaply- so don't try to punish him by putting it on the market but make it clear you don't intend to subsidise his girlfriend.

Could you put the house she's living in, onto the market to sell. As you've said it's the property that you want to sell first

And move her to another of your properties, with a higher rent and a year tenancy? Making it clear that at the end of the year the tenancy ends

Or if you don't have another property, help her find something she can afford to rent, with your son chipping in

It sounds like your relationship with your son isn't great. Let's be honest, whatever you do he's unlikely to be happy with you

OP it’s your house, you can sell if you want - you’ve been more than generous keeping the rent low for a long time.

If your son has an issue he can buy a place for them to live together. It’s probably better in the long run to disentangle yourself from their relationship.

I think you need to follow your gut feeling. It’s worrying you for whatever reason and you want to sell to free up money for retirement and to not have to manage this property. So I’d explain you need the money to your son and to her and serve notice. Their relationship is their business whether she’s married or not I wouldn’t question or make comments about that.

How?

Seperate the relationship with your decision to make provisions for your retirement.

It is simply a financial decision.
Your son sounds like a CF, using you for legal costs support but also being aggressive.

I wouldn't be trusting a liar.

Sell the house, if your son has lots of money, as you said upthread, then he can help her get a new place, maybe move her in with him. You have been ridiculously generous, and done far more than most people have done to help Ukrainian refugees. You can’t sub her forever, irrespective of whether you want her for your son’s partner or not.

You are using your wealth to control your son. Don’t be that person.

Regardless of that, this property is the one we always wanted to sell first, it’s in a different town, is an older property and will likely need extensive updates soon. Before she moved in we did cosmetic works, but things like heating will need updated soon which isn’t a cost we would like to take on if we can avoid it.

Right, so selling this property has always been on the cards regardless of this situation. Just make plans to do this and give the tenant plenty of notice (more than the required four months if you can).

Given your update about court cases and potential lies etc. yes you are right it is far too messy. Go ahead with your plans to sell, give them the 6 months notice, house on the market in the spring. I undestand your DH's fears but you can't be held hostage over this because deep down you feel something is not adding up. You've done enough for him already, you need to focus on your own retirements now.

Was about to post exactly what @Tontostitis has - you want to put the house on the market by the spring and don't let her be the one to tell him. Probably speak to him first but maybe together as that way there's it's clear to you all who has said what to whom and that you have made no reference to husbands or having had enough of her personally etc. etc. It's a straight up financial decision but one you are holding off longer than you would have done for anyone else.

If she had payment for housing a Ukrainian she should not have charged rent at all.
A person cannot either receive any money if the Ukrainian is classed as a close family member.

I'd take a financial stance and try to silence that distrust. Your son doesn't need to know any more of your views on his girlfriend. Lead with the facts. You gave cheap rent for 4 years and are reaching a point where it isn't sustainable because you are planning for your retirement. The new Renters Rights mean you can't increase by more than 10% in any 12 month period so put the rent up 10% immediately say you'd like to sell the house and ask how long they/she will need to organise something else. Six months is more than enough so I'd offer that. Say you would like to sell and think that Easter would be a good time for you to market the house. Tell him before you tell her l, or tell them together don't let her tell him but just rip the plaster off and do it.

Don't offer to sell to them that can come from them if they wish it. Don't mention returning to Ukraine or the mythical husband or the fact you think she might be after his money. Nothing good will ever come if that separate the emotion and keep practical.

Yes you cannot charge rent whilst getting the money for housing a Ukrainian.

Except when you are picking up the pieces following his divorce and she goes for half the house! I can’t see how kicking her out of your house would solve the issue with her using your son? Surely she just has to turn up at the housing department and tell them she’s homeless, they’ll re home her and the children and she continues stringing your son along? Or, you keep things as they are and work out over time if it’s a genuine relationship.

I will say, based on experience, do not underestimate Ukrainian women!

Is the reason you want to sell the house because you think it will split her and your son up?

I don’t think OP is ‘that’ mother in law. I think there’s a genuine concern that this woman is already married.

This thread is unusually mild, given it's nature. No mention of red flags, using, running away as soon as paper are obtained, etc... Well I never 😳.

If you need to sell the property for your retirement, serve notice.

If you feel you wish to disengage from the whole relationship, serve notice.

Your son is wealthy. If he's so in love, he can house her. If not, she can obtain housing by the usual means.