Boring eater

The OP’s thread is about her partner, who she is in a relationship with. I think you’re losing track of what the origin of the thread is.

Fussy eaters and people with eating disorders are going to have an increasingly miserable existence in the future as climate change affects the cost of foods. So keep in mind that he will get grumpier if he is unable to expand the range of what he will eat.

Couldn't do it. This week I'm cooking Indian x2, Chinese x2, paella, pasta, and plain salmon. But I've always done it like this so my partner would have needed to adjust early doors. I'm not sure how you've got to your state.

I'm not a monster, I will tone down the amount of chilli and I don't use cayenne (they're reactive to it) but all other spices stay full strength.

This. The premise of the thread is baffling.

@Curious77 has given no details about how her partner's preferences inconvenience her, though many posters have jumped in making assumptions about exactly this, just that she doesn't like it.
Given the lack of information, it's none her business what her partner eats and if it gives her the ick - why so long to realise this?

Bin him if you don't like it. He won't change, and why should he?

Sorted.

Gosh, this has become very heated!

OP, I voted YABU as surely this was obvious from the outset. Why have you stayed for 6 years if it’s that much of a problem?

Too many people on this thread are missing the point.

I like food. I like trying new things. I have friends who see food as fuel. That's fine. When we eat out I just let them get on with it and order what they will enjoy, and I don't comment on their food, nor do they comment on mine. I like cooking. I wouldn't want to be cooking two different meals every time I cook. I like eating at the local Indian or Thai restaurant with my husband.

What I don't want to do is eat at the same place every time we go out because that place is the only place someone I am with will eat at (I'm looking at you SIL. She doesn't have an eating disorder, she is vegetarian and doesn't like most "forrin muck", but she will eat Italian at least).

The point of this thread is about sharing enjoyable experiences. For some people who like music it will be going to gigs, people who like hiking might want to find a partner who also enjoys hiking, someone else might like wild camping and wants to share a tent with a like minded partner. It's all about doing something you enjoy with someone you enjoy being with.

Nobody is saying you have to be in a relationship with someone who has food issues. Quite the opposite.
Likewise I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who was always trying to get me to try new food or tried to make me feel bad for eating just my chosen foods.

Like you say, it’s just about not being obnoxious about it. I don’t think that’s a difficult ask.

You didn’t but others have. I was explaining why I’ve responded to this thread because you seem to have an issue with it.

I don’t recall calling anyone stupid?

I haven’t been in this particular situation but if I was then yes I would like to think I wouldn’t be obnoxious about it. Whether I saw if the relationship had legs would depend on other factors too.

But to be honest I wouldn’t have a relationship with someone who had ‘issues’. My mum had an eating disorder and my ex was an alcoholic so there is nothing left in my tank to deal with someone’s issues if it impacts negatively on me in any way.

As long as somebody isn't trying to force me to also eat their diet or constantly moaning about what I eat then I'd be happy to live and let live.(and this can apply to both parties!).

Personally I'm abit of a mix. I'll happily try anything veggie but will also eat the same dinner for months coz I CBA thinking about what to cook!

@Onbdy

I’m baffled by some of the responses on this thread. If what someone else eats has a significant impact on you then you’re clearly very self centred. To claim that a person’s diet is an indicator of their personality, intelligence and willingness to travel is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

But being self-centred is the whole point of choosing a life partner. Compatibility of values, shared experiences and beliefs is literally what makes being in a relationship worthwhile. If food and eating out is a big part of your life and your partner refuses to meet you half-way by trying foods which you enjoy, it's not going to enhance your life.

If someone had ARFID or another anxiety related to food I would honestly struggle to find this compatibility as enjoyment of food and experimentation with food is really important to me (as it clearly is for others). I would be sympathetic but it would have an impact on me and at my advanced age I don't have the time or the emotional energy to spend my life dancing around someone's food anxieties. Call me self-centred but that's how I feel.

I don't think anyone's said that someone's diet is an indicator of their personality, intelligence and willingness to travel per se, but a person who will never try new foods (again, in the absence of ARFID or a similar food condition) is showing a certain stubbornness which I find closed, limiting and unattractive. I'm not saying they should disappear off the face of the earth, but I wouldn't want them as a partner. And that is my right.

In any case, as stated endlessly on here, the OP's partner appears not to have ARFID or other food anxieties, he just doesn't want to try anything except a handful of beige dishes.

Judging compatibility doesn’t have to include insulting someone. That’s all I’m saying.

Surely you’re capable of acknowledging that someone isn’t your type in a respectful way?

Nobody is saying you have to, just don’t name call or be rude about people. It’s that simple.

You can acknowledge that someone isn’t your type or compatible without calling people stupid or boring based no information other than what they like to eat.

You’re not the OP’s partner though so what you do or don’t do doesn’t affect OP.

If you’re weighing up whether someone is the right fit for you then judgement has to come into it because that is what you’te doing in order to assess. This isn’t personal to you, I don’t know why you’re taking it so personally.

No one is saying you’re not allowed preferences when it comes to food, but equally people are allowed preferences as to what they find attractive or unattractive in a partner. Fussy, picky eating in a partner would be a turn off for me or at the very least, a disappointment, regardless of the reason. My mum had food issues, I simply don’t want to deal with that again if I don’t have to.

And I would also say that people have the right to not be in a relationship with someone who has a restricted diet. I'm absolutely not saying you have to put up with someone who isn't a right fit for you. I just object to the judgemental language that's all.

Yes some people just picky which is just as valid as someone who has a medical condition. People are allowed to have a preference and it doesn't automatically mean that that they are boring or stupid.

But also, some people don't recognise that they have an eating disorder so it's not that simple. If you were to ask my ex, he wouldn't say I had an eating disorder because everyone just thought I was fussy (including me to an extent).
It wasn't until I was in my 30's that i came across a video about ARFID and the penny dropped. It took years to get a proper diagnosis and any form of treatment ( which I had to pay for privately).

The point I'm making is that people don't deserve to be judged for their food preferences whatever the rationale is.

I’m baffled by some of the responses on this thread. If what someone else eats has a significant impact on you then you’re clearly very self centred. To claim that a person’s diet is an indicator of their personality, intelligence and willingness to travel is absolutely fucking ridiculous. As for the poster who wouldn’t be friends with someone with a limited diet, if you’re that judgmental then any potential friends have had a lucky escape!
I have a limited diet, I’m currently awaiting a diagnosis of ARFID but I have never once dictated what restaurants friends and family can go to and have never sulked or moaned during a meal. I have no interest in cooking or food in the way that others do. I’ve still managed to travel the world and have 2 degrees. I manage just fine, I can’t think of a single occasion where I have been to a restaurant with my husband or friends and haven’t found something suitable on the menu. Friends and family have never complained or commented negatively. It’s not a case of trying new foods or being adventurous, I physically throw up if I try something I don’t like the look, texture or smell of. I wish this wasn’t the case but it’s not something I have any control over so no point stressing over it.

Some people are just fussy, picky, non-adventurous eaters. If you live with someone for years would they not pick up on the fact there is more going on that just lack of adventure in food?

But we are talking about the OP’s partner! Of course she would know if he had a medical condition!

Look I am not going out of my way to judge people I don’t know based on their diet. I’m not an idiot: I understand that there are things which limit people’s diets.

I am saying that if my significant other, in the absence of a medical condition, chose never to try new foods, I would consider it very limiting and frustrating. I don’t understand why I am being hauled over the coals for giving this perspective (on an anonymous forum) on the off chance that it might offend someone who has a rare food related condition. Its AIBU, not s special thread for people with food anxiety.

Its a bit like saying I should never talk about my love of music in public in case there’s a tone deaf person reading or listening. This is a discussion forum, this is literally the purpose of this board.

Why can’t you allow me to have my own preferences without tying everything to your very specific food condition which has no relevance to me whatsoever?

I’ve explained that ad nauseum as well. Not sure why it’s so difficult to understand. This isn’t a thread about Arfid.

But how do you know someone has a medical condition or not? That's the point I'm making. And have made several time but you choose to ignore.