Boomer parents who don't help their children

My DC is doing a horticultural apprenticeship. Climate change and drought is making his employer's business very very marginal and it could collapse quickly. The college have a duty to find him a different placement to complete the course and training programme. But it might not be in a place that is a straightforward commute.

Thanks for sharing :)
Yes I feel very much the same. I want to help mine as much as I can (they're both still at high school ATM) as I worry about how hard things are now for the younger generation and would also welcome them back if needed... whilst maintaining they would need to be frugal and work/save as much as possible.

Improving their earning capacity would also lift them out of poverty. Which is how we did it. Gen X. My father also settled for minimum wage jobs. It was a choice.

When I was young (Gen X), they asked us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" We answered based on what we wanted. These days, I think those going onto further education needs to look at where the jobs are and choose their study accordingly. What are the gaps and areas of need, which suits them among that? I don't think studying anything is the same ticket to a job it used to be. I'm encouraging my kids to think more along these lines.

Do mothers really feel that their child should suffer, as an adult, just because they were born during tougher economic times.

No, but my kids will never stop being my kids, and for as long as i am alive i will always want to help them.

Could you sit in first class sipping champagne when you could be making life just a little bit easier for your child who's struggling? Or would you shudder at the thought of providing for your grandchildren so that they don't go without, and just book another 5 star hotel? It is YOUR money after all.

Most people don't sit in first class sipping champagne. Boomers come in all ranges of wealth. It's not all one extreme or the other. That's just silly. My Boomer parents have never flown anything other than economy. Struggle has been part of almost everyone's story at one point or other.

OP has prescribed 100K as the appropriate payout. I hope you have that ready for each one of your kids (presumably over and above uni fees and the like). You also need to save enough to fund your old age at the same time because it's not fair to expect help from your children. Not even a phone call to a service. Read some other threads. Don't forget to give up everything of yourself to provide free childcare as required too.

You sound utterly miserable.

I'm very happy, and own my own accomplishments. I'm better off financially than my parents. My child who has left home is well on track to be better off financially than me and own a home. Never relying on anyone else for my happiness or needs contributes to satisfaction. I've never had misery of crying over someone not taking responsibility for my life.

No. Realistic.

I'm amazed at the number of posts and threads I see on here where people claim that the majority of Boomers are wealthy. As I said earlier, I can only surmise that those posting come from upper middle-class backgrounds and have no understanding of the economic reality for most.

To be honest I can’t understand why you’re in such a rage over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Boomer here. Where's my million pound house? Where are the million pound houses of my friends? None of us had juicy jobs for life. Funnily enough some of my friends have children who are far wealthier than they are, with much more expensive homes. The comparison between my friends' lives when they were raising their children and their own children's lives at the same stage you wouldn't believe.

Maybe you should actually talk to a large range of boomers before you start spouting all this nonsense!

Yep! My parents are the same. I once asked for a loan of 700 pound to make my garden safe for my daughter who had just started walking. They had always told me to go to them before a bank. They said no as they are “ poor pensioners “ , the next week they bought a caravan and that year went on five holidays. My mum also a few months later bought her self a new engagement ring after her original one she didn’t like anymore. She told everyone in a WhatsApp message and then ended it by saying “ what poor pensioners we are haha!” I sent a private text saying - please can you not use that phrase in jokes as it’s a little insensitive as that was the reason you turned down lending me money. All hell broke loose ! Just to mention also they are multi millionaires and very much not poor pensioners!

Yes pretty much all my parents friends who are not public sector workers like them are absolutely loaded! As are many of my clients of that generation. That generation really hit the jack pot.

This

This isn’t what I asked. It’s the expectation of being funded that I find distasteful

I think it all depends on your social circle/area.

I was a teacher - always paid the basic rate of tax whilst I was working. Had a cousin who was also a teacher; another who was a pharmacist. We definitely benefited from free uni tuition and student grants.

We come from a coal mining family. Some of our friends and neighbours did reasonably well for themselves but they're not rich. The only millionaire that I can think of is someone who did well as an author - he's the exception rather than the rule.

Same here. Worked since 16, made my way up, good final salary pension, savings and investments, modest trust funds for the kids, mortgage paid, etc. 3 kids all happy and healthy. Ds1 is a professional precision engineer, ds2 is a writer, ds3 is still at school but wants to be a teacher (much younger "happy accident" child). We're all doing fine, but if at any time one of my kids, or grandkids, needs me (for any kind of support) i'll be there. Life doesn't always go smoothly, and what's the point of having money if you don't use it as it's intended - it's just a tool for security. I wouldn't consider it handouts, no one needs to be crying or begging, needing help doesn't make you pathetic. What a horrible, condecending way to think about helping your kids.

You sound really bitter for some reason. I hope your child continues to do well.

What expectation? I don't know anyone who expects to be funded. SIL in the OP isn't expecting to be funded either. Are you talking about someone in particular?

I don't disagree with anything you wrote here but there is a difference between needing help and having an entitlement to things that aren't true needs. Of course you'd be there if they really needed you. Any decent parent would.

I worked since I was 11 (started with a leaflet round) but don't even know if that is allowed these days, at that age.

Exactly this. Entitlement to help with things you want is distasteful. It tends to come with lack of appreciation. Having a need though, is just having a need. Everyone needs some sort of kindness sometimes. As far as my parents though, I'd never want the entanglement with them that mixing finances in things like housing would bring.