Boomer parents who don't help their children

Darn, I knew there’d be a blip in my plan somewhere. 🙇‍♀️

Darn, I knew there’d be a blip in my plan somewhere. 🙇‍♀️

You’d need her money for that.

I keep channeling Joan Collins in the hope I’ll be a ‘vivacious’ 93 yr old still strutting my stuff in high heels and a younger man on my arm 😁

I’m only interested in the young man if he does the gardening, cooking, cleaning, driving…

I keep channeling Joan Collins in the hope I’ll be a ‘vivacious’ 93 yr old still strutting my stuff in high heels and a younger man on my arm 😁

That's true and you might get lucky - you might have that critical fall, that last emergency at the right time when there is a place at one of the nice, local care homes - it worked out that way for my mother - she was very lucky - but she was put into some pretty awful places, several times for rehab following a fall.

There's no guarantees that you'll get placed locally too - we were told MIL could be placed in a care home 50 miles away - you have little options. Maybe you think your choices don't matter and your kids matter more - I hope they don't think this way.

If you pay you get to decide when you and your family can no longer cope with independent living on your terms - you have the power to choose somewhere nice and somewhere close by, so maybe you might get the odd visitor. You have options. I value options - they are all you have left in the end.

Thing is care homes have a mix of private payers and government funded payers so it’s not like you’ll be getting a different tier of care from your house funds. I expect there are some ‘luxury’ care homes exclusively for the privately funded but they’re probsbly exceptionally expensive. My intention is to downsize and give my kids any excess I have from the next house (which may not be much as I have to split equity with ex).

Thing is care homes have a mix of private payers and government funded payers so it’s not like you’ll be getting a different tier of care from your house funds. I expect there are some ‘luxury’ care homes exclusively for the privately funded but they’re probsbly exceptionally expensive. My intention is to downsize and give my kids any excess I have from the next house (which may not be much as I have to split equity with ex).

I have a fear of going into a care home so I’m hoping something else will take me before that happens. Care home fees are eye watering. I sometimes think, as long as the issue isn’t dementia, it would be cheaper to just live in a hotel.

The government will take 40% of anything over £1 million. Is that not enough for your DP?

The government will take 40% of anything over £1 million. Is that not enough for your DP?

It’s not that easy. If Mil had more savings it would be so much better for her and the family. But good luck, I hope the system is better for you and your family when the time comes. Our family are on their knees.

I completely agree with you OP . My DP’s are incredibly generous . My DF died earlier this year but was the most generous man ever to everyone . My DM continues to be the same. I never ask for anything but they have gifted us house deposits, money towards cars, paid for holidays etc . I’m not suggesting anyone should give what they can’t afford but my DP’s parents are reasonably wealthy too but have never given him a penny and never will. When he eventually inherits from them, the government will take 40% tax which his DP’s are aware of but presumably would rather that than to gift him anything at all in advance .
Makes no sense to me and thankfully we will never be like that with our DC.

For me I want to help my kids as much as I can now, while I still have my faculties, so if or when the time comes and I have to use my house to pay for my care, my kids will be financially stable enough to not ‘need’ an inheritance. So if I can give now to help set them up, all the better.

I'm trying to save what I can for my care needs at home. When I finally have to go into a care home, I don't expect that the 150k from my house will go very far.

However, as a previous poster has kindly shared my hope that I won't be in it for very long, that'll solve the problem.

Curious that she extolled the virtues of her own family whilst still expressing the desire for all Boomers to hurry up and shuffle off this mortal coil.

Quite a few people seem to believe that if they pass on their wealth to their kids in good time social services will fund their care needs. My mil is 90 - and the quality of care and choices social services offer is well below what mil wants and needs. She's spent all her savings on care and she is now raising equity in her home to pay for the care she wants and needs (we'll probably have to pay the rest when the equity runs out) - I'm so glad she did not give all her funds away to her AC - what choices would she be left with now?

Dh and I have planned to pay for our old age care - the AC will get what's left over when we're dead. We won't need them to care for us - we've saved so they don't have to and that truly is a gift - believe me!

Quite a few people seem to believe that if they pass on their wealth to their kids in good time social services will fund their care needs. My mil is 90 - and the quality of care and choices social services offer is well below what mil wants and needs. She's spent all her savings on care and she is now raising equity in her home to pay for the care she wants and needs (we'll probably have to pay the rest when the equity runs out) - I'm so glad she did not give all her funds away to her AC - what choices would she be left with now?

Dh and I have planned to pay for our old age care - the AC will get what's left over when we're dead. We won't need them to care for us - we've saved so they don't have to and that truly is a gift - believe me!

I was just reading another thread about how we don't owe any help to our aging parents and they need to look after themselves, etc. Then bounced back to this one. If that's the attitude of children that they won't even lift a finger to make a phone call to a service to help their parents, I can see why the Boomer parents might not feel inclined to help their selfish children. I don't think people need to do extreme care for parents but to not do the bare minimum to make sure they are okay, while holding hands out for house deposits - this generation is no better really.

I'm 63 and classed as a "boomer," I'm in HA property and live week to week. We didn't all get the same opportunities with housing.

I have similar with my parent. Exceptionally wealthy and exceptionally cruel. Sent me a cheque for £30 for my birthday a few years ago, but didnt sign it - wanting me to phone and ask/beg them to sign it. They are a multi millionaire. This was 10 years ago. I put it in the bin. We are NC now. If you dont like this woman.or her ways, dont indulge her. When with her dont talk about money and certainly not hers - dont feed her need to flaunt it. If you must dine with her pick what you can afford, would enjoy and dont pay a penny of her share, including tip.

Enjoy that care home you’ll be in soon. Your housing equity will probably fund quite a nice one and no doubt there will be a load of young people on minimum wage running around after you.