Boomer parents who don't help their children

A relative's FIL is kind of like this - has millions but doesn't spend any of it. Always splits bills at meals. His wife (not their MIL) is very keen for him to spend nothing on them and complains about his splitting bills even

My parents were never like this, even though they are far less well off

These people are all silent generation, not boomers

And as she's such an awful selfish person why the fuck are you meeting up with her?

Why don't you tell her what you think of her - or are you thinking about The Will?

I've read this exact scenario so many times on MN 🤔

My DC are very young and I cannot for one minute imagine when they are older I would choose to go on an expensive holiday knowing they can't turn on the heating in winter!!!

It does not sound like SIL is entitled or lazy. She works and has young children.

Not to the same extent at all but I hear stuff from my MIL along the lines of 'well we had to scrimp and save to get by when we started out' which is partly true. She had a substantial enough inheritance from an uncle.

Yes they absolutely did have to save and work hard for what they have but MIL was a SAHM. FIL had a 'middle management' type job. When I try to say that the same house in the same area with the same type of job would just not be possible on 1 salary she doesn't believe me. I have told her in % wise how much it has increased e.g. the house in 1980 was 4x FILs wage. That same house is now 12x FIL wage. She just thinks people need to save harder. Or that rent is outrageous now. In my tiny Irish midlands town 12yrs ago it was €450 to rent a 3 bed semi-d. That same house is now €1250 per month

She is right in thinking people have more 'things' these days that cost a lot of money, but still can't seem to see that there is a huge housing crisis.

This is one woman. Not all women, or all parents, or all 'Boomer' parents.

I agree with you and it isn't how I would behave - but she is and there's nothing you can do about it.

I’ve lost count of the number of threads I’ve seen started specifically to berate boomers. I’m one and so was my late DH - not a millionaire, not hoarding money or assets, just did the best we could in the economic climate of the time.

Well you've explained Why yourself OP - she Just Doesn't Care.

This is just one awful individual. Nothing to do with "boomer" or any other stigmatised generation.

She's just a cunt.

This. The boomer thing is unfair a lot of the time (I'm not a boomer!).

Selfish parents are selfish parents no matter the generation they come from.

Or indeed just "rich parents"?

Mil is only just a boomer by the skin of her teeth too - she’s 80.

To be honest I could swear I’ve read this on here before.

All 'boomers' aren't rich, despite the popular opinion.
I am 71, widowed, and live on my (earned) state pension and a small private pension. I am lucky enough (we worked hard enough) to own a modest semi with no mortgage.
Some people (not just boomers) are rich, some not, some help their children and some don't. Nothing to do with being of a certain generation.

It’s not what I would do. I struggle to relate to that type of mentality. However, technically it’s her money to spend how she wants. Technically, I can also think that’s a bit crap.

I also think using “boomer” is a bit crap though and appreciate your update.

Personally no, I couldn’t be like that. I’m just an ordinary person but I help my kids out and I’m very happy to. And yes, it’s her money to do what she wants blah blah, but not in a million years could I behave like her.

Unless her children are drug addicts or have made mistake after mistake wasting money I think it’s sad she wouldn’t help her kids out.

While my Dad can’t afford to give us kids a lump sum of money he’s very much wanting to ensure that he has his house to leave to us. I keep having to tell him to stop thinking about us and inheritance and just worry about yourself. And he might let me buy him a cup of coffee but would never let me pay for my own meal when with him and especially not his own.

With that kind of wealth I don't understand why she wouldn't willingly help her children . Or maybe she has valid reasons that you don't know about . SIL may be living with the consequences of her choices . Maybe MIL doesn't feel that she should be a bailout .

She sounds selfish and very unkind. But that still doesn't make you or your SIL entitled to one bean of her money.

It’s rage bait.

I'm a much reviled boomer, selfish thick and greedy, I should be euthenised for my crimes against subsequent generations! Or maybe people are just people, individuals who live life according to how they think and feel.

That’s just a mean and horrible
parent

I’m an X, my DM is a boomer, she has never had enough money to help anyone. I am fortunate and help my 3 grown up DC a lot.

It hits differently watching someone behave like this if you have seen that previous generations (where the money came from) behaved very differently so the individual in question received help and support prior to their inheritance.

Money shows you who a person really is.

What does your son think? Maybe the MIL didn't approve of their marriage or doesn't approve of her own daughter in some way?

There's nothing you can do sadly.

Stay out of it.

Don't let truth get in the way of why an 80 year old won't pay for a grown adult man and his lunch.