Accidentally pregnant with 3rd child, don’t know what to do

They don't need them, no, but there's nothing wrong with parents wanting to provide more than a child's basic needs.

Children don't need abroad holidays. They need parents who love them, stability, a roof over their head and plenty of common sense.
The space issue is a problem. But one you could solve. Trivia aside, would your finances stretch to another child?

I haven't read all the replies, but I am currently in this situation, 8 weeks with a surprise 3rd whilst still breastfeeding (and 42 to top it off). We decided to terminate and I'm happy with that decision. I want to focus on the two I have, like you holidays and extra curricular would be impacted, and like you I've miscarried before and this is bittersweet. As it turned out I went for pre termination scan and it looks as though I might be miscarrying anyway.

I’ve not read the comments but I was in your position. I had my third baby and honestly it was the best decision, no regrets despite the financial hardship at the time. Go with your gut.

Keep the baby. New bro/sis for children to play with 😀. Our 3rd was unexpected. They were a blessing.

What does your partner say? I think you need to find out how far along you are first as thst will affect your options. If it’s only a few weeks it might be an easier decision especially as you could use the pills at home.

What does your husband say? You've had many miscarriages so it seems a bit mad to consider an abortion. I personally could never do that. Loads of people have 3 kids and manage. You will adapt but it's your body and your decision. I second prev poster you need to find out how far along. It happened to my cousin and she was 5 months along so obviously had the baby but if it had been 6 weeks she would have aborted.

I’ve been in your situation. Went to the appointments sobbed. Cancelled the termination surgery.

had 3 children under 5. It’s hard yeah but more wonderful than hard.

cannot recommend Choices Charity for free abortion counselling enough. Did 3 free sessions with them and finally got some clarity on my decision

I got pregnant with my 4th at 42, unplanned. I had an 11 year old about to start secondary school, a 6 year old at school on a part time timetable and an 18 year old. I didn't think I'd be able to cope but I also thought I would regret having a termination so I went ahead and had my son. It's hard but I'm glad I had him he's the light of my life

Only you can decide what to do not strangers on the internet.
First of all, find out how far along you are then take it from there. Measure the life you have/want to have against what you would have if you have a third child.

I was in this position and had a termination, although our two were 8 and 11 at the time and we were very much out of the baby stage.

I think if my youngest was 1, I’d be tempted to keep it so I understand why yours is a difficult decision; it was an easy decision for us and no regrets.

You can get free advice and support from places like BPAS. https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

I've been in this situation, had a termination, no regrets at all. Does your husband want another child? You were on the pill for a reason.

9 years ago I wrote a really really similar post......we now have a beautiful boy and all is perfect. Yes it's hard, but honestly you don't know what you are missing out on to be honest, it's not like we account for every penny we spend on him and compare what we could have spent it on! Things do have a way of working out for the most part so try not to catastrophise.
But every circumstance is different, and if I suddenly fell pregnant again I don't know that we could financially recover from it so our decisions may well be different, maybe work out which decision you will be able to live with and work backwards from there. Good luck OP, happy for you to dm me if you need to xx

I really feel for you but I'm not sure asking what other people would do is going to help you?

I, for example, would immediately get rid of it no questions asked. You aren't doing great financially, you're in a two bedroom property, you have a one-year-old, your dh is barely home, you aren't sure about your mental health...

I understand you're saying you'd wonder what it would be like but (gently) it just sounds like you'd be making everyone's lives worse. You went through a lot to get the family you have. They deserve the best you can give mentally and practically. It doesn't sound like adding another child will do that.

Having suffered all those losses there’s no way I could terminate. I wouldn’t in these circumstances anyway. It’ll be hard for a few years, but joyous as they get older.

Step 1: find out how far along you are.

Step 2: if possible, find time away from your children to have a really good heart to heart with your partner about it all.

Step 3: try to separate your anxieties about the practicalities from whether or not you would like another child.

I will say though that things that seem really daunting often have a way of working themselves out.

All the best OP ❤️.

I have been in your position and I chose a termination, of course it wasn’t an easy decision but I have absolutely zero regrets at all. I had to prioritise the child I did have and my own health, it was also a contraceptive failure.
The staff at the clinic were really really nice, it was all dealt with quickly and wasn’t painful or difficult at all.
Have a chat with your partner, take your time and see how you feel in a few days.
All the best to you x

The jump from 2 to 3 is quite severe for some reason and significantly more work than 1 to 2.

With all things being equal in your position I would have an abortion. But before any decision is made you need to find out how far along you are as this will affect this decision considerably. Under no circumstances do what a PP sesquapedalian suggests and wait and see if you have a miscarriage. That would becoming a mother by default and not taking control of your own life (I stupidly did this and had a baby at 43!)

I had 3 under 5 at one point, and it was seriously hard work. There is 20 months between my younger two. We had to get a bigger car, holidays/days out became way more expensive and things like hotel rooms became an obstacle. However it wasn't until they went to secondary that we really felt the financial hit. I don't regret it for a second, I would add, but those early years were very very hard.

She quite clearly says they run their own business.

Don't jump into decision making. Get more information. First find out how far along you are gone. I would also think what I would regret more in future, not having holidays abroad or having a third kid. What is your support network like? How flexible is your employer?

Not the exact same scenario @unexpected5 but I did have a termination a good few years ago. We knew we weren't in the position at the time to give a baby the life it deserved (we worked but were just starting our careers so pretty low paid and had the instability of renting). We subsequently had a number of miscarriages and now have 2 beautiful children. We absolutely do not regret our termination. It was the best decision for us.

However if I was in your position I would consider the following:

• If you already have 2 young kids but only a 2bed house, would you eventually look to move to a bigger place? In the meantime baby would be in with you, and then all 3 could share the bigger bedroom for a few years.

• You could look at getting a bigger car but older than your current car or lower spec so that the immediate cost wouldn't be huge.

• What other obstacles are there? Aside from holidays and childcare?

• What is your partners opinion?

What does your partner think? Write out a list of pros/cons.
Speak to your GP about a referral to EPU to check dates. How far along do you think you are?