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Original poster

AIBU to feel cross at online school and autistic daughter over A level results?

206 replies

hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 18:00

We were expecting to get the results on Thursday and I had booked a day off to celebrate. However we got the results this morning and they are not great.
Late diagnosis after she started at college and just could not cope so we agreed that she leave in May and then wait to start her A levels online. No financial support from the LA and no EHCP.
At first things were going great and in her mocks she was predicted three A’s. But she took her foot off the gas, not burnt out, just not got herself into a good routine and due to her demand avoidance I resisted being too demanding of her.
We have spent approximately £20,000 on her education and she has come out with B,C and a D. I can’t decide who I am most cross with, school for sending the results on the wrong day or DD for not knuckling down.
Im hoping that someone can talk me out of feeling like this!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 18:20

I tried to get her diagnosed when she was 7 and got fobbed off by CAMHS telling me it was social anxiety. As an only child I had nothing to compare her with.

OP posts:
MyIcyHeart · 11/08/2026 18:18

Let's flip this:

This is on you, OP, for failing to get her diagnosed until 'late' and not getting her the support she needs in adequate time.

No? Exactly.

Apportioning blame won't help your daughter's self esteem.

Demand avoidance (I'm not pertaining to PDA) is a very common part of being Autistic.

Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 18:17

There is no way I will make her feel shit and that’s why I wanted some straight talking to get me over being cross and realising what an amazing DD I have. She assured me that she was ready and at first it seemed that she was. I just have to get over myself!

OP posts:
Newgirls · 11/08/2026 18:17

The average grade is a C so she did about average - which is fine and normal. Most people don’t get As. She probably got higher grades this way than if she’d stayed at school or self taught so you made the best decision for the options you had. Go celebrate that she got them and look forward to what she might like to do next

Softcream · 11/08/2026 18:15

Of course you're upset OP, when you were hoping for AAA then BCD is disappointing. How does DD feel?

ShanghaiDiva · 11/08/2026 18:14

How does your Dd feel about the results and what does she want to do next?

MiddleAgedDread · 11/08/2026 18:14

sanityisamyth · 11/08/2026 18:13

Not today they don’t, unless they’ve done Cambridge A Levels.

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I dunno then!

Teainapinkcup · 11/08/2026 18:14

Nousernameideaaga · 11/08/2026 18:09

Don’t be cross with anybody

Your daughter is who she is and will always be , regardless of how much money you fling at her

The results would have been the same whether the school sent them on the correct day or not

Go out and celebrate anyway . Celebrate your daughter. For who she is 👍

THIS

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 11/08/2026 18:14

sanityisamyth · 11/08/2026 18:13

How have you got them already? No A Level results are released to centres until 1 minute past midnight tonight, and must not be given to candidates until Thursday.

Edited

Because her daughter has done international A-level, and their results day is today.

sanityisamyth · 11/08/2026 18:13

MiddleAgedDread · 11/08/2026 18:07

Schools get them in advance

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Not today they don’t, unless they’ve done Cambridge A Levels.

sanityisamyth · 11/08/2026 18:13

How have you got them already? No A Level results are released to centres until 1 minute past midnight tonight, and must not be given to candidates until Thursday.

onlineteacher · 11/08/2026 18:12

Sorry that you and your DD are disappointed, however well done to her on her achievement. I hope you can hide your disappointment, those are not terrible results and she has more options than many.

also - I would assume your online school must use CIE international A levels and publications of results to students was always due today worldwide. Perhaps your school uses a mix of boards? Pearson international is tomorrow I think and regular A levels Thursday which is more in the press and may have caused you confusion but it won’t be an error.

Teainapinkcup · 11/08/2026 18:12

hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 18:00

We were expecting to get the results on Thursday and I had booked a day off to celebrate. However we got the results this morning and they are not great.
Late diagnosis after she started at college and just could not cope so we agreed that she leave in May and then wait to start her A levels online. No financial support from the LA and no EHCP.
At first things were going great and in her mocks she was predicted three A’s. But she took her foot off the gas, not burnt out, just not got herself into a good routine and due to her demand avoidance I resisted being too demanding of her.
We have spent approximately £20,000 on her education and she has come out with B,C and a D. I can’t decide who I am most cross with, school for sending the results on the wrong day or DD for not knuckling down.
Im hoping that someone can talk me out of feeling like this!

you can not blame anyone, as a mother of a pda dd myself... she has a disability! How can you blame anyone? It is what it is, well done for the education and she can continue to be educated in other ways, its not over. Do not make her feel like shit op. Please! We need to protect their mental health! Thats a bigger issue in my opinion.

Igmum · 11/08/2026 18:12

It’s a blow but it doesn’t define her life and she still has plenty of options. Now is the time to give her a hug and talk her through them (my daughter has ASD, went to private school and had a total breakdown after the Covid lockdown and before GCSEs so your daughter has done really well).

AuntyBulgaria · 11/08/2026 18:12

Cambridge international a level exam board results day is today I believe.

Robertplantgoddess · 11/08/2026 18:12

If you did whatever it took for your daughter to get straight As if it is not her nature, you would be setting her up for a bigger challenge down the line. Just love her for who she is.

Seeline · 11/08/2026 18:11

HumberSquid · 11/08/2026 18:10

Yes this is what I had thought. So how did you get them @hurtandconflicted ?

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As I said above, at least one international board released results today. They are not bound by the same rules.

HumberSquid · 11/08/2026 18:10

Seeline · 11/08/2026 18:08

They get them the day before, and absolutely cannot release them until 8am on results day.

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Yes this is what I had thought. So how did you get them @hurtandconflicted ?

CrikeyMajikey · 11/08/2026 18:09

Are you on England? Schools
don’t have access to A Level results until 1 minute after midnight on the 12th. I would query what you have been sent. There would need to be 2 errors, one by the exam board (allowing access) and the second by the school (sending out 2 days early).

Iaeve · 11/08/2026 18:09

Unfortunately the huge amount you spent does not guarantee good/better than results.

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/08/2026 18:09

Were you at work/out when the results came, so difficult to deal with the shock of not getting what she wanted?

I'd be annoyed in that scenario as I wouldn't be there to support child and deal with emotions if at work.

HumberSquid · 11/08/2026 18:09

MiddleAgedDread · 11/08/2026 18:07

Schools get them in advance

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Ah yes. I didn't think they were allowed to release them to parents though.

Anyway, BCD may not be stellar grades but they are not terrible. Will they get her to the next step?

Nousernameideaaga · 11/08/2026 18:09

Don’t be cross with anybody

Your daughter is who she is and will always be , regardless of how much money you fling at her

The results would have been the same whether the school sent them on the correct day or not

Go out and celebrate anyway . Celebrate your daughter. For who she is 👍

Seeline · 11/08/2026 18:08

MiddleAgedDread · 11/08/2026 18:07

Schools get them in advance

Show quote history

They get them the day before, and absolutely cannot release them until 8am on results day.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/08/2026 18:08

MiddleAgedDread · 11/08/2026 18:07

Schools get them in advance

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We don't get them until tomorrow.

ETA: if they are international ones with a different results day, two passes in the circumstances seems like a good result.