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Original poster

AIBU to feel cross at online school and autistic daughter over A level results?

206 replies

hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 18:00

We were expecting to get the results on Thursday and I had booked a day off to celebrate. However we got the results this morning and they are not great.
Late diagnosis after she started at college and just could not cope so we agreed that she leave in May and then wait to start her A levels online. No financial support from the LA and no EHCP.
At first things were going great and in her mocks she was predicted three A’s. But she took her foot off the gas, not burnt out, just not got herself into a good routine and due to her demand avoidance I resisted being too demanding of her.
We have spent approximately £20,000 on her education and she has come out with B,C and a D. I can’t decide who I am most cross with, school for sending the results on the wrong day or DD for not knuckling down.
Im hoping that someone can talk me out of feeling like this!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 22:06

Also I think that I probably didn’t understand A level grades that well. Lots of comments to say the grades are acceptable and the reasons why predicted grades are often ‘off’. That’s really helpful to know

OP posts:
pimplebum · 11/08/2026 22:05

Nousernameideaaga · 11/08/2026 18:09

Don’t be cross with anybody

Your daughter is who she is and will always be , regardless of how much money you fling at her

The results would have been the same whether the school sent them on the correct day or not

Go out and celebrate anyway . Celebrate your daughter. For who she is 👍

Use the day to do something relaxing and bonding

she needs a relaxed approach to this

Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 22:03

@Neuronimothank you

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 22:02

@Bearssaidhearegenerallyverywelldressed I said earlier that she wasn’t burnt out. I also didn’t push her due to PDA and took her out of a bricks o and mortar school because of my concern for her wellbeing

OP posts:
Neuronimo · 11/08/2026 21:57

I hope that tomorrow goes well for you all OP. Wishing your daughter well for her next steps.

Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 21:55

@Todolisttoolong they didn’t arrive by post! I know my own DD enough to know that the change of date would not have gone well.

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 21:53

@Nousernameideaaga the school sent them to my DH not requested by us. I am fully aware that they are her grades.

OP posts:
TeacherPaperQ · 11/08/2026 21:44

@Todolisttoolong thanks for clarifying. I thought I'd checked the thread carefully!

justintimeforxmas · 11/08/2026 21:42

BCD are not bad results.

D Grades are passes at A level. Don’t assume her predicted UCAS grades were realistic as they are often widely over predicted.
If she’s applied to Uni, has she got in?

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:37

TeacherPaperQ · 11/08/2026 21:36

@hurtandconflicted I'm confused as to how you know these results - schools don't receive them until the day before results day. So weds 12th. Are you outside the UK?

We’ve already covered this - international A level exams results have already been released.

TeacherPaperQ · 11/08/2026 21:36

@hurtandconflicted I'm confused as to how you know these results - schools don't receive them until the day before results day. So weds 12th. Are you outside the UK?

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 11/08/2026 21:32

Goodness what’s wrong with those results?

Bufftailed · 11/08/2026 21:31

PensionPTake · 11/08/2026 18:38

What's wrong with a b and c???

This. Only As will do apparently.

ifonlytheydlisten · 11/08/2026 21:29

She’ll have plenty of options with those grades

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 21:28

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:20

There has been a huge amount of grade inflation since then. In 1990 11% got an A. These days about 27% get an A or A star (which had to be introduced as too many got A). You could study medicine or get into Oxbridge with BBB.

Show quote history

So really I was probably an A* student. Makes sense. Ive always suspected it!!!

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:25

allthingsinmoderation · 11/08/2026 21:21

Im staggered a parent can access a students exam results without their permission.

Show quote history

Ours arrive in the post. I handed my DC theirs straight away, include DC with SEN. I then stepped back so they could decide how to open them (eg with me there/on their own/wait a few hours /etc)

allthingsinmoderation · 11/08/2026 21:21

hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 19:03

Just to clarify, DD is not aware of her results. We were both under the impression that she would get these Thursday so do not want to upset her with a change of plan. I will be celebrating with her on Thursday

Im staggered a parent can access a students exam results without their permission.

Warmlight1 · 11/08/2026 21:20

These are decent results that many people would be proud of.

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:20

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 21:13

And I went to a Poly. Remember them?

There has been a huge amount of grade inflation since then. In 1990 11% got an A. These days about 27% get an A or A star (which had to be introduced as too many got A). You could study medicine or get into Oxbridge with BBB.

gezelligheid · 11/08/2026 21:17

I had a baby (with complex needs) in the second year of my a-levels, a few days after the school year started. I had severe PPD and hallucinations, and spent that full year struggling between mental health, hospital appointments for baby, and college work. I ended up failing every single A-level. I am now in my early 30s, I've graduated from university, and I have a career as a lawyer. Your daughter not meeting your grade expectations does not affect the rest of her life. She is young. There's still time for her to be able to do anything she wants to do.

How can you be mad at her for her results when 1) it's nothing to do with you, and 2) she's struggled due to lack of support for her disability and still managed to get some decent grades. You are being very unreasonable tbh. Please make sure you see sense before you ruin her self esteem.

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 21:13

And I went to a Poly. Remember them?

Nousernameideaaga · 11/08/2026 21:13

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 21:12

I really cant remember if I got a B and a C, or a C and a D.

Ive got a 2:2 and then a masters degree and a career for life. That quite frankly I am desperate to retire from but thats another story.

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Social worker?

Nousernameideaaga · 11/08/2026 21:12

hurtandconflicted · 11/08/2026 19:03

Just to clarify, DD is not aware of her results. We were both under the impression that she would get these Thursday so do not want to upset her with a change of plan. I will be celebrating with her on Thursday

Oh. Not cool OP.

Those are her grades. Not yours.

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 21:12

squirrelchops2 · 11/08/2026 21:10

Lol, these were my results and I've done pretty well in life. I was predicted higher but lost my way a bit in the exams. I was still accepted at my first Uni choice.

Edited

I really cant remember if I got a B and a C, or a C and a D.

Ive got a 2:2 and then a masters degree and a career for life. That quite frankly I am desperate to retire from but thats another story.

squirrelchops2 · 11/08/2026 21:10

Lol, these were my results and I've done pretty well in life. I was predicted higher but lost my way a bit in the exams. I was still accepted at my first Uni choice.

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