AIBU to feel cross at online school and autistic daughter over A level results?

Please keep us posted on what course she picks next!!

hurtandconflicted ·

'And when you find yourself with an autistic child you don’t get a handbook, you just do the best you can'

Absolutely I do think you have had a hard time on here. With regard to the results I am glad that you and your Dh were forewarned. I still remember my Dad coming to meet meet me at work with my O'level results in and envelope and a grave expression. I'd quite forgotten they were due and he was so kind. I was glad that someone had intercepted them for me.

There is always time for huge growth in your DD's future environment. It is great that she has your support.

I have two autistic children. Infantilising disabled people is a real issue.

I really hope your daughter sees the positives in her results and does brilliantly at her apprenticeship, where she can grow and understand her value as a full and rounded adult.

I think that they are a nice set of results from a student with special needs and enough for a nice uni place.

Not that I’m saying SEND kids can’t excel.

My son knew he’d got his first choice uni place on the Friday before so the results weren’t a big surprise.

To be honest I was relieved because I don’t like big emotional stuff. Not that it would have been. My son’s like me. We don’t do big feelings.

I hope you have a lovely chilled day tomorrow.

Online schools are expensive but definitely good for kids who get overwhelmed.

You’ve done a great job providing for your DD and her A levels will be a good start for her.

What’s she hoping to do next?

She isn't a child if she is over 18 and given she is clearly academic you need to be careful not to treat her like one.

You don't need to be perfect to understand that you shouldn't have received the a level results of your adult child before they did and it was not your place to withhold the information.

I agree. The results should have been sent to the dd rather than her father in the first place if she is over 18. Reading them and not passing on the information is even worse.

I have a ND daughter who (after spiralling for 2 years) was diagnosed in year12. Similar boat as you. Didn’t work hard enough, wouldn’t accept tutors in all 3 subjects and I literally had to be with her all the time to keep things moving. She got ABD and was super disappointed with herself. Luckily her uni offer held. I chose to wipe her tears and praise how far she’d come from the predicted CCD or even passed the exam at all given her journey. It was hard. But ND kids are already slow on self esteem.
here is what I did.

1. sent 1 paper for remarking. Grade went from D to C. So now she has ABC - she ca. live with it.
2. tried clearing. There were some good offers. But she chose to keep her uni place.

now, she’s very happy at her course and A levels are a distant memory.

we did explore resitting the D paper, but when it changed to C we dropped.

so can you explore re-marking and re-sitting if your DD wants to and believes she could do better?

He decided to tell you the results over your daughter.

If this had happened in my house then my husband would have had told me that he had accidentally read the results, but not told me the actual results before telling our daughter. And I would have told him to tell her first too.

You've both decided to keep them from her until tomorrow.

Yes. I had a bad OCD episode during my Higher maths and only got a C instead of the grade that I would normally have achieved.

I still got into a decent uni.

As other posters mentioned if the board is Cambridge which I’m sure it would be for online school then yesterday was the correct results day so that’s not the schools mistake. DD got one of hers yesterday and will get the other non Cambridge ones tomorrow.

it sounds like your dd has done well though considering her late diagnosis. I’m sure there’s plenty she can do with those grades. I’d congratulate her on Thursday and make a fuss of her. She’s done really well in difficult circumstances.

They don't seem to know much about data protection. It's outrageous to send your dds results to your DH particularly as they didn't send them to her too.

This.

Also many uni take lower grades reguarly - though ucas have a tool now to help with this.

We had Ucas predicted on high side - actual predicted base on GCSE reuslts and regular tests and then teacher experience grades. DS had report right before his final exams that downgraded all his marks - with no explination.

Also don't get why they have the marks this early of sent then unless they are international A levels -- but then why didn't OP know that they came out earlier than Thursday.

Plus why were they sent to a parent - I'd have needed written permission to pick my DC GCSE or A-level results up in person and e-mails were all to their educational system accounts bar one year with DS - complicated reasons but he wouldn't have access -and I had to pre-arrange with written permission with exam officer getting them to another e-mail account.

Uni applications with predicted grades is just a mad system TBH and very stressful.

Theese are not bad marks at all - and at this stage it's more do they get her to the next stage that she wants or will she need a new path.

You wont have got support and certainly not EHCP at that stage of her education. B and C is pretty good and a D is a pass. You need to have a chat about what she wants to do now. Always an option to retake the D if she needs a higher grade. All hinges on what she wants. What difference would it make knowing today instead of tomorrow? The fact she has 3 A levels will open lots of doors and should be celebrated.

Why was the e mail with results sent to him rather than your dd? Did she give permission for that. Were they international a levels rather than the uk ones?

Just saw your update re apprenticeship - good luck to her.

Please celebrate your daughter’s achievements and tell her you’re proud of her. As she has her results before most A Level results come out she’s in a very good position to get at the front of the queue for clearing places at university - she can apply straight away for many universities - lots of places have all sorts of courses available. Rather than getting her results a day early being a negative it’s actually a big advantage!

They're not terrible results. You shouldn't be angry with anyone. She's not a machine. If she wants to go to uni she can go through clearing. What a shame if you've already made her feel she's let you down.

@ Priyanka12 ·

'xactly, I don't get it, either.
I would be furious if I spent 20k on tuition, were predicted 3As and got these grades. It's like being scammed.'

I have a range of grades from ungraded to A star, you can have so many variables that cause dysregulation on any given day, as a Neurodivergent. Predictions are very unpredictable for us all.