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AIBU?

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In laws policing drinking on holiday

179 replies

Cherry346 · 11/08/2026 15:44

I, along with DH and our two kids, stayed with relatives in law at their home in the South of France for our summer holiday (1 week) as we do every year unless they come to us in the UK. I noticed quite early on in the trip that uncle in law was not really offering me alcoholic drinks at the dinner table despite drinking wine himself and offering it to DH (it’s something I and UIL have previously enjoyed together – we’re both into wine and they live opposite a lovely vineyard where we’ve regularly done tastings). I have a long-term debilitating illness so don’t drink much (certainly no spirits etc) but do enjoy a glass or two when I’m away and find it really helps me relax, particularly after sorting the kids’ bedtime which I did most nights to let DH catch up with his family. Later in the week, auntie in law kept making comments about anti-inflammatory diets/querying what I eat so I suspect they were purposefully limiting my alcohol having read that it can sometimes negatively impact people with my illness (albeit in the six years I’ve been unwell I personally have not experienced any negative effects and similarly felt no better by giving it up for a period). At one point I briefly excused myself from the dinner table with indigestion and heard AIL mutter “maybe she’s gone in to get some wine” (like I was some form of closet alcoholic!!). AIBU to think that, at 44 years old, they are not entitled to police/judge what I drink in this way, despite what they may have read about my illness? To be clear, we bought a box of vineyard wine and paid for meals out to thank them for their hospitality, so there’s no suggestion they thought we were freeloading. I know this isn’t a huge issue in the grand scheme of things but it really got under my skin (pun intended!) and I spent the week feeling very uncomfortable/quite shamed/judged, especially when everyone else was imbibing! DH perhaps should have asked them whether there was an issue but I didn’t want an already strange/uncomfortable situation to become even more awkward! TIA

OP posts:
mamajong · 11/08/2026 15:51

I want to say yanbu on the face of it. Did you ask for wine? When fil was pouring it for dh say 'could I have a glass please' or just pass your glass over? Did you say anything to them about it?

The only part where maybe you might be unreasonable is if your illness impacts others and alcohol is a widely recognised trigger. I say this as my sil has a condition exacerbated by smoking yet still smokes - thats her choice but it often leads to cancelled plans or episodes which impact everyone else's day - incidents the family feel could be reduced if she stopped smoking, so its a bit frustrating.

SinnerBoy · 11/08/2026 15:50

Can I ask why you call it 'policing'? It's making comments, not putting you in custody!

Everyone else is drinking and being offered drinks, she is not. The nasty comments are on top of that.

Scrubwren · 11/08/2026 15:50

What do you mean he 'was not really offering me alcoholic drinks at the dinner table' -- I mean, either he was or he wasn't?

Why didn't you bring it up rather than seething in silence?

SunwaysSystems · 11/08/2026 15:47

Can I ask why you call it 'policing'? It's making comments, not putting you in custody!

Have they actually mentioned alcohol directly to you? They drink themselves and you've had a glass or two at a time...?