What would you think if another woman said this to you?

Id have more issue with your husband to be honest.

You're just pitting your friend's non-nuanced opinions against the non-nuanced opinions of MN. There's a name for that: ragebaiting.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. Marriage is about commitment to one's spouse. Traditionally men's roles were to be providers and women's roles were domestic. Nowadays gender roles are more fluid, but at it's core marriage is still about commitment.

That doesn't in any way take cancel out the need for consent.

This is awful to hear about. Coercive consent isn't consent. I hope you can get out of this situation.

I would be shocked and say so. I'm not going to let politeness make me ignore someone sharing pro-rape views.

I’m concerned for both of you, tbf. Neither of those situations are conducive to a healthy and fulfilling sex life. It’s also sad that while you’re in situations that are functionally similar, you end up feeling complete disconnection on this.

I can’t actually decide which of your situations is more fanny shrivelling.

Is therapy helping you @tempincase because there are situations where it can be more harmful than helpful. No one should be having sex under duress and I’d worry that you could be coming under pressure two fronts.

I think there’s something to be said for exploring the concept of responsive sexual desire, but also I’m lucky to be married to a man whose desire dies a bit when I’m just really not in the mood, so he makes it very safe for me to go along with it and see how we get on. We have lots more sex than if I waited to be spontaneously interested, but precisely because I’ve never felt any pressure.

Sometimes therapists push the responsive concept at women, without enough emphasis on the man’s contribution to emotionally healthy sex, and that’s just packaging up the age old trope of marital sex being the wife’s duty in shiny new psychological language.

If we can’t safely say no, how can consent be meaningful?

Please take care of yourself with this @tempincase

I'd think she was bonkers 🤷‍♀️

If you're having sex 2-3 times a week how can your dh fit in sulking for 2 days if you don't fancy sex with him?

Your husband is a dick, and that woman is a dick.

I would struggle to stay friends with someone who has an attitude like she’s living in a time with women had to put out, put up and shut up. Good for her that she’s happy to provide sex on tap but being a willing hole whenever it’s demanded is not my “job” thank you

Everyone has their own way of running their relationship.
If hers works for her, then that's great.
While she possibly shouldn't tell you what to do, you did effectively ask for it when telling her about your sex life and relationship.

Crazy..Both a grown man sulking and a grown woman believing a wife has a job is to service her husband with sex. Back a hundred or so years ago maybe, not in this day and age.

Did you challenge her on it?

She's obviously not the right person to support you on this but don't start second guessing yourself.

Is you 2-3 times a week a compromise, or are you doing it that often to keep the peace?

Was she being sarcastic?

I have a friend who married the most useless fucking man on the planet. I cannot tell you how exhausting it was to hear her act like a victim when she was a volunteer!

Divorce him and let your friend marry him

Your unlucky with your friend and your husband, are sure she wasnt joking because it's very odd.

Sadder to be discussing your private life with your friend instead of discussing the problem with your husband.

You’ve got shit friends and a shit husband.

Have you told him that acting like a wet lettuce makes you want to shag him even less?

I’d think she’d been trained to think that sex is her responsibility as a wife. I’d then inform her that it’s not my job because I’m not a sex worker.

Appalling attitude from her, horrific attitude from your Dh. My fanny would clamp shut with a resounding clang if he sulked because I didn’t want sex. Is it always resolved by you giving in and having sex given you have it 2/3 times a week?

Your job?!! Fuck off, in that case, he can't afford me.

Presumably she was joking ?
id be more worried about you though putting up with sulking that’s grim

“well, it is your job”

She thinks you're a prostitute?