Page 3 | What would you think if another woman said this to you?

Starlia · 12/08/2026 08:24

I’m sorry your DH is a sex pest. I do hope therapy is addressing this.

OtterlyAstounding · 12/08/2026 08:21

Never mind your friend! Christ almighty, your husband's a pig. Two to three times a week and he's harassing you for more even though he knows you don't want to? Disgusting.

I think the 'most ridiculous, saddest' thing is that you're letting him keep doing that to you!

(As for your friend, I suppose she has the patriarchal concept of duty sex embedded in her head, unfortunately. Or perhaps she's the sort of person who's always fairly happy to have sex and can't understand other people aren't? But that's her look-out.)

Nomoreicecream · 12/08/2026 08:21

WineCharm · 11/08/2026 15:21

I have never shared the details of my intimacy with another person to open up their comments. I would laugh, though, because I don't take offense at what other people think or say. I'm a hard old bird, really.

This.
People can't comment on what they don't know about...

Coconutter24 · 12/08/2026 08:21

You have sex 2-3 times a week why is he sulking?! I get he may want more but it’s not like he’s not getting it regularly

MyPantsAreFartCentral · 12/08/2026 08:19

If sex is a job, then I've been happily unemployed for 25 years.

orangegato · 12/08/2026 08:18

You are missing the point by a mile, your creepy petulant husband is your issue here not her off hand comment.

Linetree · 12/08/2026 08:16

tempincase · 12/08/2026 07:17

No, I didn’t see the point. She is 47 years old, been married twice, I’m not going to change her beliefs now. I should have, but I just went silent instead. I think I was a bit shocked.

Show quote history

But you've been behaving like you agree with her, does she know that?

Laurmolonlabe · 12/08/2026 08:15

Everyones sex life ebbs and flows- but sulking is problematic, as is discussing the mechanics of your sex life with others.
Scheduling it regularly can also be an indicator of problems, sex needs room to breathe diarising it usually not healthy.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 12/08/2026 08:14

So he sulks for two days of you refuse him and you talk to other people about your sex life? Neither one is good op. I think counselling is the right shout. Maybe explore why you feel the need to tell your friends details of your sex life. If my DH did that to me I would be fuming.

ThatCyanCat · 12/08/2026 08:09

Normalized · 11/08/2026 20:54

You're just pitting your friend's non-nuanced opinions against the non-nuanced opinions of MN. There's a name for that: ragebaiting.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. Marriage is about commitment to one's spouse. Traditionally men's roles were to be providers and women's roles were domestic. Nowadays gender roles are more fluid, but at it's core marriage is still about commitment.

That doesn't in any way take cancel out the need for consent.

What is non nuanced about the responses? What would a nuanced response be when a woman does not wish to have sex?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/08/2026 07:23

Her opinion and your husband's opinion are the same, just expressed differently. It should bother you more that your husband thinks this way.

CurlewKate · 12/08/2026 07:20

I’d be frustrated and sad that there are still women who feel that sex is a woman’s job, AND that there are women in relationships with men who think they have a right to sex.

IStillHearTheWaves · 12/08/2026 07:17

I'd feel shocked and sad that a woman thinks like this in 2026.

Original poster

tempincase · 12/08/2026 07:17

Maisymouse2 · 12/08/2026 07:12

Your job? Sid you ask why she saod such a odd comment.
Sulking is pathetic.
Send him to a spare room then.

No, I didn’t see the point. She is 47 years old, been married twice, I’m not going to change her beliefs now. I should have, but I just went silent instead. I think I was a bit shocked.

OP posts:

DeathNote11 · 12/08/2026 07:15

I'd have said "that's a bit grim. Ooo, look at that over there" & made something up to change the subject. It would definitely inform how I interacted with her in future though, cos WTF?

Maisymouse2 · 12/08/2026 07:12

Your job? Sid you ask why she saod such a odd comment.
Sulking is pathetic.
Send him to a spare room then.

Original poster

tempincase · 12/08/2026 07:09

Banalas · 11/08/2026 20:44

I’m concerned for both of you, tbf. Neither of those situations are conducive to a healthy and fulfilling sex life. It’s also sad that while you’re in situations that are functionally similar, you end up feeling complete disconnection on this.

I can’t actually decide which of your situations is more fanny shrivelling.

Is therapy helping you @tempincase because there are situations where it can be more harmful than helpful. No one should be having sex under duress and I’d worry that you could be coming under pressure two fronts.

I think there’s something to be said for exploring the concept of responsive sexual desire, but also I’m lucky to be married to a man whose desire dies a bit when I’m just really not in the mood, so he makes it very safe for me to go along with it and see how we get on. We have lots more sex than if I waited to be spontaneously interested, but precisely because I’ve never felt any pressure.

Sometimes therapists push the responsive concept at women, without enough emphasis on the man’s contribution to emotionally healthy sex, and that’s just packaging up the age old trope of marital sex being the wife’s duty in shiny new psychological language.

If we can’t safely say no, how can consent be meaningful?

Please take care of yourself with this @tempincase

Therapy is helping in some ways, but the steps are small, painful and exhausting.

OP posts:

maxslice · 12/08/2026 07:08

Your “job”? Oh, hell no. It’s your choice, just as it is for him. Sometimes your choices match and sometimes they don’t.

Original poster

tempincase · 12/08/2026 07:00

Ive noticed a few people on here say that I have overshared with my friend, and yes with her it was clearly a mistake. But aren’t good friends the people you over share with? It’s always been the case with me and my friendships. Who are you supposed to talk to when you’re having issues in life? I’m genuinely curious.

To answer someone’s question, it’s not that I don’t want sex with my husband, just not every bloody day. I would like to be able to give him a hug without him expecting it to turn into something more and then having to reject him and endure a tantrum.

OP posts:

Wafffly · 12/08/2026 06:59

Normalized · 11/08/2026 20:54

You're just pitting your friend's non-nuanced opinions against the non-nuanced opinions of MN. There's a name for that: ragebaiting.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. Marriage is about commitment to one's spouse. Traditionally men's roles were to be providers and women's roles were domestic. Nowadays gender roles are more fluid, but at it's core marriage is still about commitment.

That doesn't in any way take cancel out the need for consent.

Right back atcha.

Inflammatory post that's in no way helpful to OP's situation.

Ilovelurchers · 12/08/2026 00:24

Yes, it's an awful thing to say if she meant it. Was she joking? I imagine you would already know if she had awful views like this.

Your marriage is a much bigger problem though. I hope you find a way to improve or leave it.

dh280125 · 12/08/2026 00:07

"Job?? So you don't... like it?"

I'd 100% have dug into her comment! I guess I'm nosey...
Also your situation does sound grim. Why does he want sex with someone who doesn't? He needs sorting out.

LejlaKapovic · 11/08/2026 22:24

tempincase · 11/08/2026 15:20

i have name changed for this, but have been around forever I promise.

Anyway, speaking to a female friend, moaning to her that DH sulks for upto 2 days if I say no to sex (have had a previous thread on this so don’t need to address it here). Her response was “well, it is your job”….

AIBU to think that this is one of the most ridiculous and saddest things to say, or is she right? For full disclosure me and DH have sex around 2-3 times a week regularly.

While sulking is a reasonable approach at times, it's not when it comes to sex. A person should always gracefully accept a no, because one's partner is likely saying no for a reason - not to be mean or difficult.

However, I also understand that it can become frustrating for a man if his attempts are often met with a no. As a woman, I'd feel like something is wrong with me since my husband rejects me so often. I'm sure men get that feling, too, with regular rejections.

But, as I said before, most people say no for a reason. I don't know what your marriage is like, but since you say you've started multiple threads about your marriage, I think it's safe to assume that it isn't great. What makes you not want to have sex with your husband as often as he wants to have sex with you?

Linetree · 11/08/2026 21:06

Is it not likely that is was a sarcastic response to you over sharing?

Wheelchairbarbie · 11/08/2026 21:05

Tell her to piss off back to medieval times where she belongs.