What would you think if another woman said this to you?

That was supposed to say theoretically disagree

Well, this.
Through your actions you are essentially agreeing with her. You might theatrically disagree, but in practice you seem to be having sex regularly when actually you’d prefer not to.
So, while she thinks it’s part and parcel of marriage, and you think it shouldn’t be, at the end of the day, within your marriage, it is.

His sulking would give me the massive ick, he'd be lucky to get any sex at all off me if he was my FH!

Sending a hug OP. The notion of ‘conjugal rights’ was abolished in 1970 and your friend wasn’t even born then so she is way off piste!

I am someone with a v low sex drive (think once every three months or so) and my DH is very accepting of this.. rather than sulk he actively encourages and celebrates the times when I am in the mood. I hope therapy is allowing your husband to see he is in the wrong rather than you. Putting out 2-3 times a week when you don’t feel like it seems excessive and exhausting.

@tempincase you’ve got a boundaries problem

one for tolerating this sulking BS from your H and 2 for association with utterly ridiculous women as “friends”

use this thread as the boot up the arse you need to call time on this fucking awful people.

you matter! You’re worth more than this! Aim higher and jettison the people who only bring you down.

What she’s going to be home to MAKE the tea.

Exactly.

She has different views of sex in a relationship and that's her business. Maybe she views it as her job and is happy to carry on; or maybe she has a high libido, so is always up and has never 'felt pressured' as such. You'll never know, as you heard a different opinion and just shut down, instead of asking about it.

You spoke to her as close friends do, and her opinion on the matter is different to yours. That happens sometimes.

The issue remains - your husband is a depressing sulk, whose awful behaviour is wearing you down. That's what's important.
Focus on the sex pest.

Awful way of looking at it. It has to be a mutually wanted and enjoyable experience.

Are you a prostitute?! I am struggling to grasp how it’s your “job”. Can’t he just have a wank if you aren’t in the mood or you’re busy?

As PPs have said, you're doing what so many people do and deny they're doing: deflecting the issue on to a woman.

She's entirely wrong, obviously, but she's got exactly the same attitude as your husband, with whom you are going along with it. Don't get angry at her because she verbalised it. Channel the anger towards the actual situation where it's happening and decide the best way forward there.

Tell your friend the 1920’s called and asked what time she was going to be home for tea…

Why has op got a warped attitude to sex? Please explain.

Fuck's sake, I'd introduce them to each other and then swan off into the sunset to seek friends and partners with better attitudes.

Id definitely have laughed, even if it wasnt a joke- some things deserve not to be taken seriously, and id rather laugh than confront someone

shes either joking.
old fashioned or religious
or she too is being coerced by her husband and is re-spouting what hes told her numerous times. she maybe isn’t ready to face the truth that you both face, which is that these men are horrible and LTBs.

get your ducks in a row. Go. Lifes too short. i left one of these and im so very much happier without the constant pawing, emotional manipulation and grumpiness, and general unease that hung over me if i’d not done anything sexual for a day or two ….as i knew demands were about to be made and i’d have to perform my duty.

Nope. Im not a sex doll. No more.

why are so many men so fucking pathetic. why does the dick control everything they do. not every man is like that.

I don’t think I would put it as bluntly as to say that it’s your “job” but I do see a lot of women complaining about their husband leaving them or not having a happy marriage, only to admit that they haven’t had sex in months/years and sleep in different bedrooms.

It’s quite clear that lack of sex is a massive reason for men leaving; it seems to be one of the only things a lot of them just cannot accept.

It doesn’t sound like that’s a problem for you though, considering you have an active sex life.

This

I'd question my friend and husband choices if I was in your shoes op!!!
Neither sound great.

I can’t get past your husband sulking and tantrumming. What is he, three?

Yep this, and you have an unsupportive dickhead of a friend.

I don't see anything wrong with scheduling it if people want to do it. We schedule the gym and hobby time and other things we want to ensure that we do. People schedule sex all the time when dating; you arrange a date for Wednesday evening, you know you'll have sex then, people find it exciting to look forward to and prepare for. If couples want to hire a particular space for it (hotel room or BDSM dungeon or whatever), you schedule it.

Planning doesn't have to mean regimented and dull. Or that you can't change your mind.

Also I think it's a bit odd for you to be so shocked by your friend's statement when that's literally what you're doing, having sex to keep your husband happy. Forget the therapy and LTB.

I'd probably assume that my friend was implying - jokingly or otherwise - that I had a transactional relationship with my husband. I'd be curious if she also thinks it's his job to have sex with me when he doesn't want it, or if she thinks I am being "paid" for the sex in some other indirect way. That seems more plausible that she has no understanding of the concept of consent, but I guess that's possible too.

(Please tell your therapist exactly how your husband reacts when he does not get his way about sex; it's a really important factor as a pattern of sulking can be an early sign of coercive control and emotional abuse, which would go far beyond just a big difference in sex drive or sexual appetites.)

Leaving aside your issues with your partner, I’d feel sorry for any woman who thinks the way your friend does.