AIBU to not invite these mums to my child’s party ?

This sort of forced friendships around baby classes etc just often fade away and that is completely fine.

I tried really hard to gell with people when DS1 was born. But it never really worked out. Finally DH said to me 'Just because we all had sex at roughly the same time 3 years ago doesn't mean we have ANYTHING else in common'. He was right.

The party is for your 2 year old. Surely they will just want a few friends that they see regularly and not be overwhelmed with strangers they can't even remember seeing before. Quite frankly if they are that busy I would think they would be relieved to not be invited.

Why do you guys make basic things so complicated?

Jesus! If you like A and B, then invite them. If not, don’t. Working parents do find it difficult to meet up so it’s not surprising given they have gone back to work so quickly. When you are working full time with a pre-school child, you may then appreciate the pressure they are under and feel less aggrieved about a few missed WhatsApp messages.

Honestly, why do you guys make basic things so complicated?

The two uninvited mums have not accepted any of OP's invitations in a year.
They have been able to meet with the other mums in the group. 🤔
They have not extended any invitations to OP to meet up.
No one has invited OP to join when meeting up with these other two. (Interesting side note)

Why would OP invite them?
(or, any of them, for that matter?)

You seem to have completely misread the OP. It's the mothers who HAVE been invited who are bothered and said something.

An NCT full group catch up could be done separately. Kids as they get older tend to want their school friends there anyway rather than kids of mum's old friends, unless they see them regularly.

I would send them a late invite.
I couldn't be excluding two.

Thank the Mum for reminding you of the other two Mum's time constraints.

YANBU. I’m going to guess you’re doing something especially fun for the children and that’s why they’re bothered about not being invited. The mums aren’t bothered about staying in touch with you, but they don’t want their children to
miss out on birthday parties.

How do the mums who are invited know that the others aren't?

Is it something you told them upfront, or have they been put on the spot when they mentioned it to the uninvited women without realising?

If it was the latter, I might have mentioned it to you just so you were aware of the potential awkwardness and to see if there was anything you wanted me to say (or not say) if it came up again.

If you met at your antenatal course then the group has only existed for a couple of years, and you've not seen some of them for a year? And they don't always respond to your suggestions about meeting up? Err no, you are no longer one big group. The group already meet up as subgroups and that's find. Invite who you want to your child birthday party.

Also, "too busy" just means "it's not a priority" and that's fine, but if they've been "too busy" for the best part of a year then will the birthday child even recognise them? At that age it may be better just invite a small number of children that your child actually knows.

It would be nice to celebrate with the whole group and the children. You don’t have to be in close contact to have a bond. It’s your choice.

If you invite them, you might reconnect and they might feel more connected and supported. Given you dont actively dislike them, I don't see how the cons outweigh the pros of inviting them

I’m with you OP
you have to streamline party invites otherwise it just gets ridiculous doesn’t it?
it’s your child’s party, you decide, not them

I'm guessing the other five women are all in touch without you.

I had this happen with friends. Friendship group of 8 girls all from one school. One of the girls befriended a guy who sort of became part of the group. After school, I didn't keep in touch with this guy / he didn't keep in touch with me. Fast forward, I was getting married and the group of girls thought I was in the wrong for not inviting him. I got treated pretty badly and exited the group. Fast forward another couple of years and one of the girls reached out to apologise for how I was treated and asked if I'd consider trying again at a relationship with her. Fast forward again and another contacted me out of the blue to say she missed me and wanted to keep in touch. I bump into a third, now and again, and she speaks to me as if nothing happened.

Fuck that.

@TraitorsSandwich yeah YANBU at all. Just invite who you want, you don’t have to explain yourself or justify your choices, you have already told the others why A&B don’t have invites. Simple. You don’t have to people-please to keep ‘the peace’, you don’t owe anyone anything more than what you want give. Focus on what you know is important - birthday celebration for your child with people you care about and who you child would want there.

Yes she wants you to invite A&B because she likes their company and wants to catch up with them. Tough. Not her party. YANBU.

YANBU my MIL is like this.

She want ME to host and pay for the party and do all the work but for her to use it as a family gathering so that she can mingle with and catch up with all her relatives - "oh you must invite so and so, can't leave them out"!

Nope, not happening. I've got wise to it now after falling for it for a good few years when just married.

If the invitation isn’t a “reward” for spending time with people, then can I have an invite to your child’s next birthday please? I’ll bring my DBS check if you’re worried about safety.

If not, why not? Is an invite just a reward for people you know? That seems weird by your logic, but if it is, can I check whether you’re inviting all of the colleagues you’ve ever spoken to? If not, why not - is the invite a reward for having a close relationship with you?

If it is, you’ve just figured out why OP thinks they don’t merit an invite - she’s only inviting people that she has a close relationship with (which is what everyone does at a birthday).

I think the mum's are rude to comment on your decision. It's your child's party and you can invite who you like. I think both perspectives are valid though. If the two mum's you have invited, keep up with the two mum's you haven't more than you do, I can see why THEY feel there is still 5 of you in the group, even if you do not.

I recently lost my parents and sold their house. My visits to their area of the country (200 miles away from where I live) have dropped from 2-3 times a year to once a year and may well go to once every couple of years. In that there are some people who I will have lots of contact with over 2 years, there are some that I may have little contact with, but be as excited to see as if I'd been in touch with them everyday, and some I will drop. That's ok, and if I had a sister seeing, keeping up with and dropping different people, that would be ok too.

Oh for goodness sake. I'm still friends with 1 NCT mum. Fallen out of touch with the others. My friend gets invited to things and the others don't because we've fallen out of touch.

It's really not that deep!

You’re free to invite who you want, but group dynamics affect the whole group so they’re entitled to have opinions about your choice.

Your friend is unreasonable if they keep bringing it up after they said their initial piece though.