To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

It does seem rash if he is being funded, but I hire a lot of graduates as well as non graduates, and I must say that a busines management degree is absolutely the last thing I want to see on a CV. I'd rather see either proper academic degrees (maths, physics, chemistry, or real Arts subjects like English, history , modern languages, Classics) or people who've worked their way up in any profession and learnt how to earn a living.

Are you talking about a BA in Business Studies or an MBA? Two very different things.

Even if a BA (rather than an MBA), 40 years ago the landscape for new graduates was very different indeed.

Like you, I also graduated 40 years ago. I took part in the 'Milk Round'. had interviews with a number of prestigious companies, received two job offers and accepted one all before I took my finals.

Today, things are very different indeed. The entire landscape for new graduates is totally different. The economy has not really grown significantly over the last few decades and so the number of jobs requiring graduate level skills has also not grown.

If previous governments had perhaps concentrated more on growing the economy and encouraging high value jobs, then there would be greater need for graduates today.

Not going to uni is fine, but he needs your support to make a plan for what he’s going to do as an alternative. Presumably he will need to get a job.

This! Business Management is a very broad degree - I know quite a few who graduated with good BM degrees and none of them have got relevant work now.

I can see it both ways, on one hand I went to uni straight after college and got my BA degree, but after I finished it I'd lost all interest in the subject and I walked away with no friends and a useless degree.
I started working as a training and development manager and did quite well for myself but I was pushed into getting a (free) masters, paid for by my parents and got a job that was more related to that, I only lasted about a year.
Then I tried working as a teacher, because the training element was something I really enjoyed, and am now doing my 3rd degree - this time in teaching as I know I enjoy it and it's something I really like. I did however work as a teacher for a year and a half before applying.

Don't make your son waste 6 years of his life on degrees that won't do anything for him if he's happy, university doesn't magically disappear because he's not going before he's 20.

Why hide your disappointments? He has no plans and no path. Sit him down and have a stern talk about long term. Mumsnet is fairly uni sceptical but it’s one hell of an opportunity to walk away from. Help him see that.

Proud for being bullied into changing his decision by his gf? Having some kind of plan or looking into alternative options of degrees or anything else- that's one thing. Simply being worried about debt and then not doing anything productive is not applaud worthy.

You aren’t unreasonable to be disappointed. I have a son who’s 19 and know how stubborn and short sighted they can be.

if his heart isn’t in it, then he’d probably go, and drop out half way through which would be a total waste.

cab you encourage him to look at graduate apprenticeships? Possibly a bit late for this year but there are still some about, or wait until Jan for next years recruitment to start.

my son and a few of his friends are lucky enough to have got them and it’s the best of both worlds, experience, a degree part time and a good salary.

It sounds like you're pressuring him to go and she's pressuring him not to go.

Maybe he wants to work it out for himself.

Even with the tuition fees paid there is still rent / food / clothes / general living to pay for.

And has he always wanted to go to uni? Or you putting pressure on him to go?

University Careers adviser of 20 years here so can give a perspective.

Its very easy to be dismissive of a uni education - the current debt system needs to be burnt to the ground and re built as it’s not working for either graduates or universities.

But I speak to recruiters every day and most still value the depth of skills that graduates develop- the subject knowledge, the critical thinking skills etc. AI is changing the workplace but for many employers it’s more that they expect the grads to be AI literate and use it in the workplace rather than replacing roles with it totally.

The U.K. still has some of the best universities in the world - I think this idea and current narrative that education isn’t worth it is totally depressing - and it’s why the current finance system needs looking at - it’s still an extraordinary privilege to learn a topic in depth for 3 years and it still is an experience for most young people that is a valuable bridge to adulthood.

An educated population is a good thing!

Yeah of course. He should do that whether or not he is interested in it or skilled at it.

If he doesn’t know what he wants to do, he won’t know which course to choose anyway? Or even if he would need a degree?

So many people spend years getting degrees they never use - I can see why you’d think getting it all paid for is an unmissable opportunity but also I think “gifts” like this tend to backfire as people don’t appreciate what they haven’t earned. He could accept the offer then spend 3 years on a piss up with his mates and come out with no more idea of what he wants to do with his life.

Most 21 year old graduates can’t manage their way out of a paper bag so that degree would be useless. He’s working which is experience.

Yes not a great degree in this day and age. Experience matters more.

Exactly. He's got a mind of his own and choosing to not go. The OP should be proud of him for finding his own path. She needs to support him on his journey not feel disappointed.

I voted YABU as university isn’t the be all and end all. I didn’t go to university and I’m doing very well for myself. I had the opportunity to but I wanted to go out into the world, make money and establish a career.
The people I know who have university degrees don’t use them and were paying the debt off for years.
However, the fact his fees will be paid and he still doesn’t want to go is strange. Could it be the choice of degree? He can always go later in life if he changes his mind.
As other posters have said, he needs a plan and can’t doss around for years. Help him find something he wants to do.

the not going to uni wouldn’t concern me - the lack of an alternative plan would. Uni isn’t necessarily for everyone and there are alternatives.

My DS has done one year of uni and decided it’s not for him. He’s sorted out a mechanics apprenticeship by himself - visited the college and signed up, went to loads of garages to hand in his CV until he got an interview and was accepted. I kind of expected people (grandparents, and me tbh) to be disappointed as we are a pretty academic family but everyone is really happy for him. He’s clever enough but just done with sitting at a desk type learning and he wants to earn some money! He’s a hard worker, and found the whole student lifestyle very boring and skivey tbh (he was doing languages and business).

we aren’t in the UK, so I do get that it’s disappointing your son won’t take up an offer of fees being paid - maybe he’ll change his mind later.

He can always go to university later on if he feels the need to.

Nothing wrong with wanting to work for a while.

It does not sound like he was that interested or committed to his course anyway so there is no point in doing something just for the sake of it.

Maybe your parents could put the money they wanted to give him in a saving account for now with the intention of gifting it to him once he is more certain of what he wants to do. That could help him start a business or pay for a house deposit or go to university when he is a bit older.

So many graduates these days can't find a decent job or are unemployed.

Unless you want to be in specific profession that truly requires a university degree (healthcare, law, academia...) then I don't think it is the best route for many young people.

Business management is a bit vague anyway. He can learn about this by managing a pub!

DH is friends with someone who worked many years with a well known company linked to the transport industry for years and he did his degree through the company and has no debt in the process. He just graduated last year. His adult children were in the photo with him on his graduation day.

Played the long game, but this is the smart way to do it.

I guess some people value education.

He sounds sensible. Too many graduates are out of work now.

Not if his heart isn’t in it. If he begrudgingly goes because he feels pressure to do so chances are he will become another drop out. It’s a very privileged view to be able to look at uni as just being a life experience, most people need to be able to grab it by the horns to make it worth the investment. I appreciate he’s got grandparents paying it for him but if struggles and chooses to leave that could do a lot to damage self esteem, he may not feel able to go again if he figures out what he does want. There is no rush, he doesn’t sound ready to go, university is not going anywhere. I think he will have a much better chance of success if he goes when he wants to go.

What an absolute waste of resources. She'd be better off doing an apprenticeship and gaining a qualification that leads to a career she can do on completion.

University is not for everyone.

It may not be for him now and he could, like many of my colleagues get a career first and get a degree throgh work.

Neither of my sons went to University, although one of them showed an interest when he ws around 14. However they are much more advanced in their careers in terms of position at work, lifestyle and finances than the majority of their peers.

The difference between them and ops son is they both had a plan.

Op, your son is a man, let him make his own mind up. To be fair, there are worse decisions he could be making in life!