To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

The employment market is currently saturated with graduates. There is no guarantee of a job. Dont pressure him and dont blame gf. Just be there.

It's worth reflecting that many small business are owned by people with no idea of how to run a business.

This is not helpful to success.

Very sensible advice. More parents should be advising their children that uni is not always the correct route.

I got my professional qualification by reading a few text books. These days, it's easy to get the information you need to learn what you want.

Maybe he can use the money to start a business instead?

Look. It's up to him. Ultimately if it's a "no uni for me mum.. I've got this plan to do this work and do this and that's my plan now" that's fine. If he has no goals whatsoever that's something different.

Yes we were all furious about the second pregnancy. His partner is very manipulative though so he won't leave her as he (and all of us) know the children will be used as a weapon. She wants lots of children, her own mum left school and had her first child and has never worked since. Her 'baby' is 20 and she doesn't have any intention of getting a job now. I'm quite certain db's partner will be the same.

Almost all graduates I know started on a salary higher than that fresh out of university so it really depends on your degree and choice of university. I would say the wealthiest people in my social circle (i.e. multimillionaires) are graduates and also business owners.

TBF I think "business management" is a shit degree. Much better to do economics

I have offered my brother for me to pay for a vasectomy for him. I'm very worried he's going to end up with 6 kids to support and a partner who expects likes the higher end of things in life.

@Zippedydoobaah your DB’s partner sounds very lazy and entitled. I guess he could leave her though if not happy. At least then he would only have to pay for the child’s upkeep and not hers. And he could have perhaps avoided getting her pregnant a second time if he didn’t like the situation he was in.

Why is the only aspiration for our young people to buy a house at a really young age and settle down?

Its not the only aspiration. It may suit some young people, it wont suit others.

I know plenty of young people that are home bodies and are perfectly happy with settling down. Not everyone wants to see the world and that's OK. Others want to spread their wings and have loads of different experiences by the time they are 30 and that is ok. Its not one size fits all.

There are quite a few that manage to buy a house and still have an awesome lifestyle when they are young.

I think its a bit sad if he is being limited in his opportunities because of being in a relationship so young.

My children have said they have no interest in attending university and are opting for apprenticeships instead.

I've used my contacts to help them get their foot in the door, and they will start their finance apprenticeships once they're 16.

Broad sweep but those that have gone to Uni are the lower earners in my family, all stuck in £45-£60k a year corporate jobs, rather than owning their own businesses.

My son fully intends to get a vasectomy at 18 for exactly these reasons
Who’s raising these daughters?

just to add. by voluntary work that as a relevance to the area you want to work in eventually I mean doing this in addition to say bar work for example. Which means say if he was interested in event management, working at music festivals. It means giving up free time, but he'd meet people in the industry and it would add to his CV that he'd done that.

YANBU to be disappointed as it will feel to you that he's passing up an amazing opportunity.

YANBU to be disappointed that he's possibly made this decision due to influence from his girlfriend. I can guess that you feel that she's holding him back and that at a time when his life could and should be getting bigger and opening more doors, she's part of making it smaller.

Uni isn't the right choice for everyone and it doesn't have to happen at that age but that doesn't change that it feels disappointing to you because it's what you were expecting would happen next, and as a parent you would imagine all those amazing opportunities that university life could have opened up for him.

You can't pressure him into making a life decision because it's what you want for him. You've found a way to address what he's said are the barriers (finances) and he's still stuck to his guns. You can still be proud of what career choices he makes and how he lives his life AND be gutted he didn't go to Uni - those two things can both be true at the same time.

It's OK to say "I'm absolutely gutted that you're not going to Uni. I hope that this is a decision you've made for yourself and it's not been made for you by anyone else."

Business Management though is absolutely something he can learn on the job and develop skills through work based learning. There are some excellent degree apprenticeships in Business, Accounting, Finance etc if he chooses that route in the future.

Take an interest in where he's working or applying to. You've done a great job as a parent to bring him up to this age and into the kind of young man who wants to work in Business and in Management, he's still got ambition and I really hope that he can use that independence and experience he gained in his gap year.

This.
He's had some work experience in his gap year, which is good. But he needs to plan to make sure he doesn't just waste this time and languish in minimum wage jobs that don't give him the experience he needs to move up.

One of the things that helps job seekers stand out is some voluntary work in the area they want the job in... so if its the music industry for eg... working at a local venue, improving social media/video skills, event promotion or seliing tickets (if he wanted to go into marketing) would add to his CV., Local radio/hospital radio has lots of opportunities to learn about audio tech/production skills etc. and a chance to do things outside a day to day entry level job.
Or he could in this second gap year, do a season somewhere, giving him the chance to travel a bit, also shows some skills in people management.

He should bear in mind that if there is a job area he wants to work in, even if it seem far fetched or competitive, it is easier to break in when you are still used to having a relatively low salary, than earning more in a job you don't care for and having to take a pay cut to do it.

Maybe he could also go to some uni open days, which would give him the chance to see more about the courses and if it interests him. I think one of the main advantages of uni, is that you get to meet a wide variety of people roughly your own age, from all over the country, with varied interests and that can spark ideas.

It's hard to say really without knowing what his interests are.
Anyway. He sounds like he's lucky to have strong parental and grandparent support and encouragement, wishing him all the best x

What are his plans? He surely doesn't want to be doing bar work forever? Can he be persuaded to look for more meaningful work with a chance of a career?

I haven't RTFT but just wanted to say my brother was in the OPs son's position. His girlfriend was not from a family that valued education (whereas university was standard in ours)and she was a few years older than him, so convinced him that doing a degree was a waste of time and that by both of them working they would do better. They both got NMW jobs and moved into their own place. DBs girlfriend 'accidently' got pregnant in the first year of living together and refused to go back to work. DB was 20 and working 6 full days a week just to pay bills. Thank goodness he had very good GCSEs and solid STEM A levels and got into a very good degree apprenticeship that paid well.It was new at the time and extremely competitive, there were 7 stages in the process and only 8 places for 1000+ applicants. It's a long haul as it takes double the time, his girlfriend is now pregnant with #2 and has zero intention of working until the DC are in secondary school (oldest is 18 months).
OP needs to keep reminding her ds of the consequences and not constantly properly him up financially.

But you have to accept some people dont value the knowledge and experience they got from their degree. Some complain about low contact hours, low quality lectures, tutorials being cut, strikes so their work doesnt get marked, chaotic admin and felt a bit misled when the degree they did doesnt lead anywhere. Nearly half the debt for many is accommodation costs, not education costs anyway, which have gone up more than inflation and increasingly private equity is involved in them.

And, as someone who doesnt have a degree, I dont accept that a degree is the only way to gain knowledge and experience either. i have degree level professional qualifications for a start.

Im not against degrees. Im delighted my son is going as he wants to and i think he will gain a lot. Clearly huge numbers still value the experience as huge numbers go, but some people feel they wasted money and others are nervous they might on hearing their stories.

Still not sure what your point is? At my uni we also have refugee students from Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, Gaza all doing UG degrees who aren’t funded by wealthy families. It’s a massive mix of students from 170 countries- some of whom undoubtedly come from wealthy families but a lot who don’t. The students from Gaza are studying logistics management to help them learn about supply chains etc to
support rebuilding society when they go home.

But my original point was that what they have in common generally is a wider international perspective simply by the fact that they have chosen to come to the U.K. to study. Much more value is placed on education - a value that has been eroded in the U.K.

Sadly, this is a tale as old as time, it’s not necessarily the worst thing that can happen to a person though we are fundamentally put on this earth to procreate the next generation
Which the current cohort of 25 to 40 year-olds are upset they’re missing out on. Literally crying on radio phone ins can’t afford children.
So maybe this lot I’ve got the right idea leave school at 18 and get on with their lives instead of tracing around Australia destroying the barrier reef and racking up 60 grand worth of Debt before they even step outside the front door

I think he is very wise if he isn't 100% certain.

And in the meantime one or two babies come along. End of story.