To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

@BDSMMommyIFuckAssWithStrapOn How very different to the home life of our own late Queen.

This, with bells on. This situation has baby trap written all over it.

Well, he needs a plan B but the not going to University is fine - I went and have a professional job but if I was a young person now, I’m not sure I would.

I’d be disappointed too OP, especially if his reasons were his girlfriend and cold feet. If he had something else he particularly wanted to do, that would be different. But it sounds as if he just can’t be bothered.

I remember when DS1 was slacking a bit in 6th form, and muttering about maybe not going to uni, I said that was fine, but he needed an alternative. As long as he was in education (uni, apprenticeship etc) , then I’d support him financially. But if he wasn’t , then he’d have to get a job and pay his way.

It’s important that teens learn that if they’re abandoning any kind of education/training, then the alternative is working and paying their way. Living the life of a student whilst not a student is not an option.

Uni isn't the be all and end all, but it's better than just drifting. He needs a plan. What does he want to do for work? How does he envisage his future? What would he need to do to get the kind of job that pays enough to enable him to live the lifestyle he wants to live?

Make it clear that he has to have a plan, and he cannot just stay in your house forever working part time or whatever he does just now. Talk to him about the cost of supporting yourself and a family, if that's what he would like one day.
It's all too easy for young people to drift into a dead end job and struggle financially, wishing they had made different choices when they left school.

Get him to postpone the year and keep his place.

They might break up over the next year or he may not like the world of work. Either way keeping the place is a good idea.

The problem is that the job market being awful makes the apprenticeship market awful too. There just aren't enough of them. The degree apprenticeships are like hens teeth and are not for kids who have failed their Gcses. They are often so rare that they can pick and choose from hundreds of A grade students. The L2 and 3 trade apprenticeships are difficult to get too as many electricians/plumbers etc are self employed and can't take on an apprentice. Not to mention not everyone can or wants to do construction!

Debt-free? He’d still have his living costs to pay…

@SnozPoz he’s just had a gap year.

Which uni?

Why don't you just suggest he asks to postpone it for a year? Gap years can be really great and it might help him realise he'd like to go to uni after all. Alternatively I'd be encouraging him to find an apprenticeship with day release to uni. That way he can avoid the uni costs. Not going to uni at 19 isn't the end of the world.

I think he’s doing the right thing. It doesn’t sound like he’s that interested. Business Management isn’t really a vocational role that will give him broad options. Everyone I know who is in that line of work has degrees in maths, science, or engineering. Maybe give him the money for a house deposit instead?

Apprenticeship all the way, get paid and gain more work experience. The job market is awful experience counts so much more these days.

Let him find his path. He’ll have dodged a bullet not going to uni with the poor job prospects and massive debt. Tell him to sign onto the bank of the local hospital/council and move around covering the absences of permanent staff. They are always looking for people. He’ll get a good idea of the different job roles there are out there. Many of them leading to management roles if he applies himself. Business management is one of the areas where on the job training is much more useful than anything he’ll learn at uni trust me. They will also pay for his exams if he’s promising

He can still go in a year or two's time.

Let it play out.

I wouldn't want my child to go to university these days unless they really wanted to study something. It's not worth the debt/ delay in starting earning

If he doesn’t want to go, I would expect him to become self supporting. Let him feel what life is really like without more education.

Also drill into him to take responsibility for his own contraception. Every time.

Neither of my kids went to uni. They both got jobs and the time it takes to bat a degree they were earning similar salaries to new graduates but with no debt to pay back.
Degrees are only worth the cost if they lead directly to a job. Many don’t.

I would let him move out. Give him minimal support (a welcome in parcel of some flowers and chocolates) and leave him to it. My parents did this. I happily went to uni aged 21 after some fun but chaotic years

If he’s not committed to the course he’s not going to achieve his potential even if he goes. There’s also no age limit for attending university. I’d therefore be supportive of his decision and give him the time and space to decide what he wants to do next, in the hope that if he wants to pursue a career where he would benefit from a degree he will attend later down the line. I say this as someone that dropped out after the first year and went back to study a course I was passionate about a few years down the line.

How many university graduates are unemployed or in low skilled jobs as they can't get a job in their chosen field. He has a full time job he's doing better then a lot his age. When i hear of young people going to uni getting into massive debt to study things like media studies or criminology its just like their delaying growing up. My dd has just turned 20 didn't go to uni works full time own her own home and is very happy. If she was at uni and didn't want to be there what would she gain from that.

Normally, I'd agree avoiding uni if you've got a job isn't a bad idea these days, yes in the past it got you a better one, now you're just applying for MW jobs later than your peers and they're your managers because they didn't take 3 years out.
But if he'd have got it for free, that's different, because sometimes, it still helps career wise (depending what you study), and there are other opportunities at uni I'm glad I got. It wasn't so expensive when I went, and back then I knew it would help me get the kind of job I wanted.

I think this is a very good point. If he went now, while he’s not really inclined, he may well waste the opportunity completely. He’s young and I strongly suspect he will eventually decide to go.

Because university isn't the be all of everything.
There are so many other opportunities for young people to engage in and your son is only 19.
He can revisit University later if he wants to.
Too many young people are graduating with no opportunity for associated employment.
Celebrate your son, uni can be at another time.