Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

So an 18 year old gets out of line and asks to know about his father’s finances - that’s not great at all but eighteen year olds often do and say foolish things. On the back of this you say his father is now thinking about the whole relationship AND with his younger brother who is twelve. Why on earth would a father blame one child for what another has said or done and why wouldn’t that father de-escalate and laugh off the request of a clearly jealous son.
Interesting too that your child feels the need to show his gratitude for his ski-ing holiday and more in front of the step brother he knows is already jealous and struggling to accept your new set up.
Your step son’s behaviour does not sound great, but you sound like you are gleefully stirring the pot and enjoying the upset of your step son.

My uncle sold his house for a tidy profit a few years ago and moved into a home owned by his wife of 20 years. It was his second marriage. He'd divorced his first wife (mother of his kids) but he was very involved in their lives all throughout their childhood and essentially had 50/50 custody. I'd have sleepovers with them at his house all of the time and he absolutely bloody adored them and they adored him, they wanted for nothing.

Once he sold his house, 2 of his kids began to make all sorts of requests from him. One wanted a £100,000 campervan so she could quit her job and travel Europe with her kids. Another wanted £200,000 off him so that he could start a property flipping business in the South of France. My uncle declined their requests, stating that he wanted to retire enjoy life with his wife and that they would receive a large inheritance upon his death. It didn't go well.

The campervan one still speaks to him in a civil way but the one that wanted to start the property flipping business disowned him, and had apparently said that he felt his dad owed him due to the trauma that the divorce had caused him in his childhood. My mum had to break the news to her brother that we'd been invited to his son's engagement party which her brother didn't even know his son was having.

My uncle did nothing wrong, and neither would the OP's husband if he put distance between himself and his son after this. I'm not saying he should cut this lad off straight away - he needs to talk to him and see his point of view and put a lot of effort in and be understanding of the lad only being 18. But if his son's attitude persists, he's got every right to take a step back.

Little brat! Really feel for your DH here. Talk about entitled.

I have to ask: pushed out of what? By whom? In what way?

Because we have gathered that his two sons by his previous wife have lived mostly with her (the sentence by OP about the younger of them "visiting frequently" seems to make it clear that their father's has not been their main residence), but that doesn't mean that he pushed them out, nor that the OP did; it may mean that was the arrangement on which the ex and the children insisted. I know from reading in Mumsnet that it is not always the fathers' choice not to have 50/50 residence with their children.

I left home when I was sixteen by my own choice and remained on good terms with my parents, who lived together perfectly happily until both were dead, but until the second of them died neither I nor my brothers had ever felt any need to quiz either of them about their finances or to know about their finances at all; and of course there was no point in trying to after they were dead. This young fellow needs to wind his neck in and be told to MYOB.

If my daughter said this to me I'd ask where this was coming from, but I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to be pushed out like this in the first place

Hold my beer 🍺
I’m just nipping to let Axel Rudakubana‘s Dad know he shouldn’t have had his son. BRB.

RTFT? It is absolutely clear that the adult male does not want to give up on the infantile and demanding junior male, but is afraid that the younger one's behaviour means that the younger one may intend to sever the connection.

Personally I think the adult is worrying over nothing, because Master Entitled is not going to cut himself off from his sugar-teat, but he clearly does care about the young creature, and doesn't want him to cut off his nose to spite his face.

Watching you inventing more and more stuff is entertaining, though; keep on going.

If DH would really give up on an 18 year old that easily he shouldn’t have had him.

Yes, I think that.

Some people aren’t nice, the world contains some very shitty people. They’re all sons and daughters of someone.

All parents have to do is prioritise their kids for 18 odd years yet many can’t manage that.
Blended families all over the place, thousands of MN threads about step this and step that.

You think the loss of the relationship with the child you fathered is “not the end of the world”.
Maybe the child’s behaviour would be better if he didn’t have to deal with his dad moving a mother family on with him. Oddly hurt, pain & insecurity tend not to bring out the best behaviour in children.

So your dad is living with his new wife, seeing her children every day and treating them like his own. Would anyone honestly say they wouldn’t be a tiny bit jealous? Yes he has gone over the top with his demands, but surely we can all see the hurt underneath.
Are you coming back to answer some questions op?

Agreed - the level of vitreol on here against this young man is absolutely shocking. So much use of offensive language "dick", "scrote' etc; calls for him to be completely cut off and abandoned by his father; calls for violence against him (which one hopes are rhetorical - but even so, why are grown women relishing speaking of imagined violence against a teenager?)

And all this young man has done is asked for information he wrongly believes he is entitled to. If you own children did this, you would genuinely have nothing more to do with them?

I cannot understand the way this thread has turned - I know there can be a real herd/angry mob mentality on here sometimes, but even so......

"...strange set up where a large part of the dad’s income"

Where, in any of the OP's posts, has this been stated?

The father does receive income and, apparently, it does allow his sister to live frugally. I don't see how you get from that to it being "a large part" of the father's income?

The OP has also said that the father runs his own business as well. For example, the father could be earning £100k per year from his business and receiving £25k per year from the trust.

"...from a business the child owns"

The legal ownership of the assets will be with the trustees. The child has a beneficial interest.

However, that may only be a contingent beneficial interest. It may be the case that he is only entitled to a share of the assets if he is still alive once all the children have passed away. It will all depend on the actual wording.

.

"...he’s had to have the trustees of the business/asset explain the details to him that they wouldn’t have done to a child."

The OP has previously stated otherwise:

"My stepchildren know the terms of their grandfather’s legacy."

Maybe, not the end if the world if you don’t like the child’s behaviour / personality / attitude.

Its just one way of reacting, others - acting out in other ways, depression, therapy etc

People are obsessed just looking at the son’s behaviour without looking at the root cause.

His dad moved another family complete with two kids in with him.

It shouldn’t happen to many kids! It’s a societal ill that we think this is ok! It isn’t!

You have kids, your selfish ass can put them first at least until they turn 18.

Nasty piece of work bullying a 10 and 12 year old isn't he?

"Any money spent on my children like that ski trip and family holidays is resented bitterly. My aunty came over and took my daughter to a show. When she was telling her step-sibling about it the immediate question was who had paid."

Genuinely cannot believe posters are sticking up for someone who acts like this.

No but few families have this sort of strange set up where a large part of the dad’s income is the profits from a business the child owns.

the fact the stepson has asked now is interesting, I’m guessing as he’s turned 18 and finished school, maintenance has stopped. I also assume as he’s only recently turned 18, he’s had to have the trustees of the business/asset explain the details to him that they wouldn’t have done to a child. He’ll have had to see the documents and possibly talked with his aunt about why his grandfather set it up this way.

While I have sympathy with this perspective, it happens to many kids and they don’t try to control a parent’s finances as a result.

I don’t think the relationship is repairable because dad thought it was ok to move another family into his home while his own kids still very much needed him.

I’ve had two children who are now older than that. I can’t even imagine either of them demanding to see my finances 😂 unless there’s some
stipulation that your husband leaves a certain amount to each of his children or gives them a certain amount each month and he is negating on that then I would be telling him to F off. I don’t think the relationship is repairable until the 18 YO grows up a bit and apologises. Also, it’s up to your husband how he spends his own money. If you want to never work again and your husband decides he wants to fund you frivolously spending money on coffee, yoga and shite it still wouldn’t be any of his sons business (not advocating for that, just a reminder that it’s not illegal).

I've been single for 18 years. You're preaching to the converted. My relationship with my children is solid. Their relationship with their father, who never paid maintenance and prioritised multiple new partner's over the years is, at best, difficult His choices.

Why do you have to move a partner and two kids in with you while your own kids are still dependants? That’s not prioritising your children, children you decided to bring into the world.

That’s entirely different to the dynamics of having one of your parents live in a family set up with two other children.