Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

@Greenhairedmonstor

It would appear that somewhere along the line, your elder stepson has been given the impression that you and your children are somehow more financially favoured?

Your husband does not need to discuss his finances, in detail. It's none of his son's business.

Rather than your husband taking umbrage at this wholly unreasonable request, it is, at least, worth a chat with his son to unravel where his (the son's) misunderstanding comes from.

There is no need for your husband to distance himself just because he feels uncomfortable/angry

Also, any chance this has been prompted by your husband’s ex?

Ok, look he’s 18 and being a twat, but your husband has to dial down the drama, about the relationship never recovering, or he’s devastated, it’s ridiculous

he needs to act like a grown up, and talk to his son. Explain it’s his money, he will spend it as he wishes, it is not his son’s money, he is not entitled to it. And tell him the conversation on finances ends.

but this isn’t about money. It’s about resentment over his new marriage and the time spent with your kids, so he needs to deal with this. What is his son feeling, does he feel excluded. Does he feel your kids get more of his time. What’s the real issue and address that.

and dial down the drama, it’s where his son gets it from.

It still seems that the stepson resents money being spent on the OP and her children. It's been a relatively short marriage and it does look like he sees her as a gold-digger. It's hard to say who's wrong or right about that from the thread.

OP does your husband also take his own kids on ski trips and expensive holidays? Does the resentment purely come from the fact he thinks his dad is wasting 'his' money (on the OP and her kids) or are there actual legitimate grounds for that resentment?

He supports them and SS will be supported at university.

If the step child knows how the non trust operates and knows they will be suppiorted at Unni - then tell him to wind his neck in.

If it's mentioned again in future - I'd do what PP suggest and make sure all protections are there in case he tried something in future.

But for now - DH needs to tell him to fuck off and what he's asking is none of his bussiness and move on.

Absolutely he deserves no more or less than this. At least your dh isn’t trying to defend his son’s behaviour, there’s that small blessing.

I really cant see why your DSS thinks he has the right to see his fathers financial details.
i would get some legal advice regarding the complicated FIL estate and send a solicitors letter to your DSS explaining his position.

Same question here, he would cut off his son because his teenage (only just adult) son overstepped a bit regarding finances?
Your husband needs to reassure his son that he won't lose out, that he won't get an inheritance off his dad for many years yet and shouldn't be interfering in how his dad chooses to spend his money now.

i would just tell him. Haha - that's not how it works. Our money is our money. Not your money.

Tell him to go away and make his life on the assumption he'll get nothing and then if there's anything leftover it will be a nice bonus. Tell him you both intend to live a long and healthy life, and he'll be in his 50s before he needs to think about it in any great depth.

And I would point out that talking about his inheritance is really rude because it is talking about your death and that the only thing that matters to him is money. Tell him it shows a distinct lack of love and caring his part to do so.

Expecting to look through your parents finances is wild

“I'm going to hazard a guess that those making posts like this are only thinking this way because OP is from another country.”

@saraclara - for me, it has nothing to do with OP being from another country. The same applies to much of my extended family. And why suggest that anyone taking another view is doing it out of bigotry?

For me, it was to do with the repeated statement that OP’s husband sees this as causing the end of the relationship with his son which seemed to suggest a real willingness to throw the relationship away. The OP has now confirmed that is not the case.

So would I. 👀

if he’s the beneficiary of a trust then he may well have a legal right to information it.

I wouldn’t discuss finances with your step-son at all, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with him and I wouldn’t give him a feeling of power or satisfaction by discussing it with him. He’s coming across as an ignorant brat.

That's correct but doesn't mean the DS here is getting enought to actually live off - and that may be driving this.

Its' all very well saying oh they can work - some courses make that hard and there is a lot of compettition for any jobs as many are in the same boat.

It's close to results day perhaps it's looking suddenly real and budgets have been looked at and gaps found maybe there's a worry he can't afford to go and this fuck up approach has come about.

I don't know - is something perhaps OP DH could ask about.

It does sound like a very rude request and major over step but 18 year olds can be very self absorbed and clueless - most parents push back and correct them not jump to cutting them off and going NC.

I think your husband needs to talk to his children. Your stepson is well and truly in the wrong here, not least because he's no more "earned" the money than you have; for now it all belongs to your husband for him to do as he sees fit.

But I think the starting point needs to be your husband figuring out where his childrens' sense of entitlement comes from. Is there an unmet need/some sort of trauma from the separation of their parents?

In your shoes, I would stay well out of any direct conversation with the stepchildren until your husband has figured things out with his children.

I strongly advise you not to do this. Don’t get involved at all, it will be misinterpreted, deliberately or otherwise.

Keep telling yourself when they go low, we go high. Classy restraint is what’s required here.

While we don’t know exactly what sort of legacy management mechanism is in place here (trust, FIC etc), if SS is not currently a named beneficiary, trust board member, or shareholder, then he’s entitled to know sweet FA. I’d take this as a warning shot across the bows and arrange a meeting either with the trust board, solicitors, or with whoever is managing the FIC and make sure everything is absolutely water tight, because if he doesn’t grow out of this grabby twat phase he could cause bigger problems in the years to come, especially if you find yourself widowed and the current beneficiaries start to dwindle.

He may have been discussing the situation with his cousins. They all have parents who are benefitting from the estate. He may have received encouragement to step up and ask for details. Hubby needs to check in with his siblings. And calm down. This does not need to be relationship ending. It's a cheeky request but did he receive a holiday or was it only your child? It's the little things that hurt in a blended family.

OP, you work, you receive a rental income for a property and your kids have a father who supports them.

With all this, why couldn’t you pay for your own son’s school trip?

I think your step-child has a point and I wonder if your DH thinking it’s the end of his relationship with his child is because you are meddling in it.

Tell your DH to be the adult and talk to his son and reassure him.

@Greenhairedmonstor - that was me and a few others. Sorry for misreading. But why does your DH think this needs to be the end if the relationship? That is an extreme reaction.

I'm going to hazard a guess that those making posts like this are only thinking this way because OP is from another country.

I’m 50 my dad is 78 I don’t have a clue about his finances as they are none of my business. My own adult children don’t know my finances because, guess what? It’s none of their business

Your post is really confusing. You mentioned ss wanting an account of money spent on your children but haven’t clarified who these children are or why the ss would be concerned with this.

The most bizarre aspect of your post is that your husband considers this may be the end of his relationship with his ss. Does he not possess any conflict resolution skills or feel any need to parent and talk to his child properly?

You mention your contribution to the finances but has anyone explained this to the ss or are you both assuming him to know this via mind reading? He doesn’t appear to understand how the not a trust thing works. Perhaps your husband’s inability to communicate openly has led to this issue. Encourage him to talk to his child.