Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

I think that is what it sounds like.

And it is hard to know with only the vague description of "like a trust but not a trust" but if it is a trust, the terms of the deed and the settlor's intentions will be decisive.

And even if the father is a beneficiary, that can come with strings attached as to what the funds are intended for.

The boy isn't wrong that his Grandfather's intentions should be honoured - and it isn't a stretch to think the terms don't provide for step-children to benefit.

People are quick to call someone a spoilt brat - especially if they are a "trustafarian - but I actually think it would be as bad for him to see his grandfather's arrangement not being honoured correctly.

But is impossible to say anything decisively without more detail.

No, I don't think she has been clear, or at least not explicit. There's talk of conflict and all that but I haven't seen anywhere where she's said the teenager has actually threatened to cut ties if this isn't done.

On a side point, I really dislike all the abusive name calling of an 18 year old from various posters.

The Son hasn’t asked for details of the accounts for the asset. Those could indeed be open and transparent.

He's asked for his Dad’s personal spending. Which is not generally something people share with others.

OP - It sounds as if jealousy and bitterness about money being used to support your children has been going on for a while. (theatre tix incident et al)

This is an emotional issue, not just financial grabbinesss and your DH could have addressed it with his Dc earlier. But now is the time. to talk to them about their role in his life , will always support them, will not be leaving all his assets to you and your kids, yes, there may be a certain amount of mix and match about how the two of you spend money - but if he wasn't settled with you maybe he would be squandering all his cash on Porsches and gambling.

Has their Mum got a new partner?

Have you ever 'treated' them? Gone out for a meal as a family and they've seen you pay for their share? Bought them a birthday / Xmas present just from you / your dc? Given them a helping hand towards getting kitted out for Uni? (taken them to Ikea, bought them a wok?) i.e do they have any idea that the money flows in different directions, not just from their dad to you and yours?

What is your relationship with them like?

‘Stepson wants to see finances and money spent on siblings’

I want to see the Great Wall of china and take a trip to the moon…

…there is a lot in life that we may want but wanting something doesn’t necessarily mean we can actually have it!

his dad needs to tell him that his spending is ab absolutely none of his business and to wind his little entitled neck back in.

This convinced me that there’s a third party in play - 17 year old don’t talk about someone spending their inheritance. That’s some very odd phrasing that’s come from someone else.

It’s coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity. Your DH needs to have a calm conversation with his son.

This is exactky wht I would say to the entitled 18y old. He needs a reality check.

18yo is being staggeringly rude. He needs to understand that your husband can do whatever he likes with his money, both in life and in death if you're in England.

There is more going on here. I don’t think it’s as straightforward as calling SS a CF.
he obviously resents his fathers new wife and her children. Specifically all of the attention and money they receive from his father. Which he presumably he feels should be for him and his brother alone. This has been festering for a while I would say.
he is going to uni now and wants to know where he stands financially- does he have money to self finance uni entirely, can he buy a flat or does he need to rent, does a need a student loan etc

I think your husband can and should tell his child to mind their own business. The asset left to the grandchildren is intact (presumably appreciating in value) and the income generated is your husband's to spend as he pleases which could include investing it and bequeathing it to whoever he likes or spending it on cars and cocaine. I would explain this to the SS and tell him he will have no further information about your husband's financial affairs because it really isn't any of his business.

Your SS seems very entitled and greedy which means he's unlikely to flounce if he thinks he might lose inheritance from your husbands assets. It's hurtful to your husband but if he doesn't make a stand now he could find himself having to explain to his child about every penny he spends for the rest of his life. His son is young so hopefully he will mature but right now he seems like an obnoxious little shit.

OP has made it clear that it's the latter. This kid is clearly entirely selfish and irrational. If his dad comes down hard, he might well decide to go LC/NC with his dad, even though he's the one in the wrong. And his dad will be heartbroken.

I think your SS doesn't understand how the trust works.

Your DH gets an income from it while he lives, which will have been fixed or index linked. He can choose to spend that however he likes - hopefully your shared DC and the SDC are treated equally.

Whatever is left in the trust will be split amongst the SDC when your husband dies.

Until that point, your SDC have no interest in it, or in your husband's income or how he chooses to spend it.

They will hopefully inherit an equal share with your shared DC of whatever you have agreed 'belongs' to your husband only, when he dies.

Your own DC will have 'your' property split between them equally.

Don’t be ridiculous. DH doesn’t owe his son open accounting, it’s none of his business.

Your example is a completely different scenario.

😳 Well I would kick the bottom of his ladder and sit him on his arse a bit quick.
Nothing like money to bring out the worst in people sadly.

Why would this be the end of his relationship with his children? You say he'd never cut ties, so you're saying the 18 year old would?

His kids are money grabbing gobshites. Get your husband to draw up a will and cut them off nasty little sods. It is clear to see that all they care about is what they can get out of him - absolutely disgusting. I have an SIL like that.

This.

Hmmmmm so he will inherit a substantial amount in due course and is quibbling over anything spent on your children.

Id be inclined to make a spreadsheet showing what had been spent on him and deducted from his share.

The will and its rights only involve the beneficiaries at the time. Your husband is more than entitled to leave his share of "the trust" to you and then you leave it to your children.

This reminds me of when after dh and I got married, ss sent a message to his dad disapprovingly listing our expensive wedding venue, our honeymoon and the new car dh had bought himself.

Can’t help but feel that if OP were a man the thread would have turned on OP rather than the stepson. And yes I do agree that it’s none of his business how his dad spends his income. I couldn’t imagine asking my parents about their spending and I’m nearing 50. Doesn’t mean that seeing your dad play happy families and splash the cash on a very lucky OP and her kids isn’t going to hurt and cause worry that she’s going to get a lot. Plenty of threads warn those with kids and assets to be careful of their kids losing out to the new partner. Yes I know the inheritance / trust assets are protected, what about anything else? I think of half the posters who had a parent leave a decent inheritance to a relatively new on scene partner they would be miffed/ hurt even if they acknowledged it’s not their business.

This sounds like manosphere bullshit, OP. Who does he think he is? And please don’t feed this nonsense by using words like “subsidise”-do not downplay your role in your marriage.

Tell him to do one.

If your husband isn’t siphoning off money, he should not have any trouble showing all interested parties copies of the accounts. The best way to handle these things is without attaching emotion to them. Keep the books open and transparent. Treat it like the simple matter of accounting that it is.

I have a similar setup from my mother that constrains my father. My father chafes at the arrangement too.

I think this covers everything nicely.

SS seems to be confusing his father's income from the FiL's estate (the not-a-trust) and his father's income from his business. SS has no business seeing any details of the latter. I assume his father could show expenses for himself and his children which equate to the income from the not-a-trust but it is cheeky of the SS to ask for this. Also, it's currently the father's money and he can spend it how he wants anyway.

My aunty came over and took my daughter to a show. When she was telling her step-sibling about it the immediate question was who had paid.
This person sounds insufferable.
I'd sit them down and lay out the details of how the money works in detail, as you have here, and tell them it is not OK to demand details of every other tiny financial thing your DH does.