Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

Firstly, I would keep well away from having any discussion about this with your stepchild. Do not go there, it has to be sorted out between your DH and his child.

Secondly your DH’s inheritance is his, he can do with it what he likes, spend on whatever or whoever he wants. If my DS started telling me what to do with money he’d be told to mind his own business, and that would be that.

It’s not the stepchild’s money and they have no prior right to any of it, and they might have say in the matter, but the final decision is DH’s. Your DH will provide for his whole family as he sees fit and there’s an end of it.

I think your DH needs to sit down with his children and explain exactly what the 'trust' is and how they will benefit eventually.

He should also make clear that any money he earns or is his, is his to spend how and when he likes and they have absolutely no right to question it.

What’s good for the goose is good for the fsnder

start asking your step son what he is spending his money on, can you see his bank statements

i mean if he wants help through uni and hunks bank statements are open documents for all to judge

its intrusive

I think I understand this a bit, as it seems similar to an inhertance I will get.

Lets just say my sisters and I will inherit some properties. However, we will never own the properties, they are held a trust for the grandchildren. We have to maintain the properties from the income, but the rest of the income will be split between the sisters and is ours to spend as we wish.

It sounds like a similar case here. However the SS is salty about any money being spent on OP's children and has decided on his own that his father spending the 'trust profit' as he wishes is not on and should be returned to the trust when his father dies by OP.

Is that right OP?

If so, he can get to fuck.

"My SS is concerned when my husband spends money on them as he feels his and his sibling’s inheritance from their father will be diminished. This is separate to money generated from their grandfather."

OK, I misunderstood what you were saying.

So, it appears that your DSS is aware of the trust fund and the income your DH gets from it.

But what he is concerned about is what will happen when your DH dies and he leaves his own estate to (presumably) his two children. He knows that he will be getting the capital from the trust anyway.

DSS is worried that any money his father spends on his second family now will diminish his inheritance from his father's estate when his father eventually passes away?

Frankly, that is just as grabby.

Oh I see. So SS wants his asset from grandfather when the time comes, AND he feels entitlement over DHs money which has fuck all tobdo with him.
Greedy little bastard.

Likewise. I'm not sure what 'spirit of the trust' means in general, nor how the pp has ascertained that the GF had different intentions to the ones his will actually specified.

I mean surely the easiest thing to say is that holidays, schools trips etc. are paid for by DH's business income. Hard to prove they are but by turns he cannot prove they are not.

All he is entitled to know is that, as per his grandfather's will, the assets are untouched and he will inherit a share on the deaths of his father and his siblings. The income is his father's income, and he is not accountable to anyone for how he chooses to spend it.

He is obviously very bitter about his parents' break up, and jealous of his step siblings, and this is how it is manifesting.

FML - seriously?

You read that as the OP's husband intending to sever ties with his children, and not what it clearly was: OP's husband is worried that his relationship with his child is breaking down and he won't be able to fix it due to the sons attitude/ sense of entitlement/bizarre expectations.

People really are determined to put the boot in and find or invent fault anywhere there are second marriages and step children aren't they!

I’m glad you wrote this… because I’ve often wanted to call someone a scrote online but was never sure of the spelling!!! This child is most definitely a scrote!!!

Oh and your DH needs to sort his own Will out pdq

So you grandfather owns X (stocks/share house for example). It generates a passive income (dividend/rent/whatever) that goes to your DH and his siblings.

When your DH/Siblings die...the "X" will be sold and proceeds to your DSSs and their cousins. So they get "XSold".

Your DH gas zero influence on "X" itself(rennovation/future value). No impact on what "Xsold" value will be. But gets the income for now.

He also has his own job/income.

Your DH has money. He spends it. He could spunk it up a wall. Or squirrel it away. Be Scrooge. Or Lord Bountiful. Regardless, ""XSold" remains the same.

Your DSS's only concern could be if your DH was impacting on "XSold". If your DHs spending does not impact this...then your DSS can fuck right off.

There is alot to unwrap here. The income generated from the trust is given to the children of the FIL - great nice and simple, there is no claim on this by the grandchild and he has no access to it other than what the Father wants to let him have or give. He is entitled to nothing, as a parent Father may use some of it to pay his way with regard to university costs, and indeed the government may conclude he gets NO LOANS and Father and Mother (note not step mother) have to contribute. If the Father uses this money to pay for a house and other half siblings that is also no concern of the 18yr old grandchild. In fact if the house is jointly owned it likely goes to his current wife on his death and has no involvement in the trust whatsoever having been paid for with the income not the capital. It is likely that all siblings will need to die before any of the capital in the Trust is paid out. So Granchild will have a long time to wait. Also interestingly what happens re children of the Father that were born after the Trust was set up? Was allowance made for them? There is so much to untie. But no no compensation re house and money from income spent elsewhere goes to anyone.

Best case is that Granchild stuggling to understand it and wants clarity, worst case he hates all family other than his Dad. Only he knows that.

Personally I would as DH visit a solicitor clear up a few matters then take Son there and have a joint discussion around what the trust thingy is and means and that the current income from that is none of his business

I wouldn’t, it’s a short hop from there to having to justify expenditure of his own money

This.

Your DH should point out that he can spend his income from the trust on anything from pedigree guinea pigs to crack cocaine, it is no-one’s business but his. And that he intends to live a long life, so his DS shouldn’t start counting the pennies yet.

I understand that your dh wants to keep the relationship with his ds on track. Could he maybe give him some figures showing how much he spends on him and his sibling, maintenance, uni support and anything else he contributes to then compare it to what he pays towards for your children. He can obviously spend his money however he wishes and has no obligation to do this but assuming the figure for his own children is higher would it maybe help the situation.

But isn't there a difference between understanding what he will be entitled to in the future, and wanting to know how school events are being paid for? This young man seems to be implying that any income from grandfathers asset should come to him, whereas in fact it's his dad's to spend as he pleases. It could be that a discussion will clear this up, but unfortunately there are people who will look at a parent spending as taking money out of their inheritance and if he is in this camp, it doesn't bode well. No wonder his dad's upset.

@NotRachem Have I missed something? What is the actual grandchild going without?

"...but it's pretty obvious that the spirit of the trust is that ultimately the assets should benefit the people within the biological family and not OP and her kids."

No, it really isn't "pretty obvious" at all.

The grandfather clearly wished the grandchildren to benefit from the capital and the children to benefit from the income.

The income is not intended in any way to benefit the grandchildren (unless the terms of the "not a trust" say otherwise) - they get the capital.

The children could give the income to charity, blow it on booze and drugs, or any number of other things. The OP's DH appears to be spending at least a proportion of it on his second family.

I really don't see why it is "pretty obvious" that he should not do that.

Exactly.

People let their jealousy cloud their judgment.

The boy sounds switched on.

He sounds jealous of any money being spent on your children and probably you too. He really has to get over that otherwise his whole life will be consumed by it. He probably in his own mind thinks he's an adult and has a right to ask questions. Unfortunately he's got that very wrong and he just looks like an unpleasant brat. Your husband needs to have a very straightforward conversation with him and probably your step son would benefit from some counselling.

.. .especially when he is aware much of the funding originates in a trust which his grandfather settled (if that is what has happened; it isn't clear what like a trust but not a trust actually means) and is aware of a clear intention that the trust corpus is in fact intended for the grandchildren - and that probably the grandfather did NOT intend to benefit parties unconnected to him.

The father may still have a right to do so, but the desire to understand the full picture is the sign not of a "scrote" as so many pp charmingly dismiss this young man as, but of a thinking individual who wants to understand and ensure it is being correctly followed.

The question that needs to be asked is if the father is ever allowed to convert assets of the estate into other assets that are of personal use to him.

For example, he might be allowed to use estate funds to purchase a home for his use. The estate would be the technical owner of the home, not the father.

This is where things start to get murky. If the father has other family members living in that house with him when he dies, they may not have any right to the house as it belongs to the estate.

this is why I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the son to be asking questions. These are the kinds of things that should be made clear when people are not grieving.

this is one of the exact scenarios I face. If my father dies first, his girlfriend is technically nothing more than a lodger in what automatically becomes my home. Neither one of us are happy about that situation. I’m not a monster so I won’t be evicting her, but I also know the estate may be broke from care fees by the time my father dies and I may not have the funds to pay the taxes and upkeep.

transparency isn’t necessarily money grubbing. These are real problems and real people’s. My personal concerns are about protecting myself from liability and making sure his girlfriend isn’t homeless more than making sure I end up rolling in cash.

People just hear trust and inheritance and assume people are greedy.