Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

I think the OP said that the SIL "lives frugally".

Obviously it's all relative, but you can guesstimate how much it's likely to pay out once it's been divided up if you guess what "lives frugally" means and how many cousins there are, and it seems likely there may not be vast amounts of wealth here, and by the time it is finally inherited (who knows how long the 4x recipients will live for) it might be worth quite a bit less due to inflation and other deductions.

@Greenhairedmonstor it must be so disappointing for your DH to discover that his child is so materialistic and shallow.

If I were him I'd tell the oldest that the fiances are none of his business and I'd almost be tempted to donate 90% of this child's share in his will to a small local charity to make a point.

Give him the middle finger 🖕 its nothing to do with him 😬

Sorry, that is what I meant. As in, it’s not currently anything to do with the 18 year old and won’t be until his father dies.
nothing his father spends will impact what he receives

Your step sons request is completely out of order. He probably resents you and your children and feels he would be much better off if you didn't exist. He is rude and selfish but he is also only 18. Maybe, because your children have another 12 years or so before they finish university he sees money being spent on them by his father as money that could have been spent on him. It isn't for you to solve unfortunately op. There's probably something that needs unpacking in your step sons feelings about the relationship between love and money. Do you think he feels his mother was short-changed in the divorce? Does he somehow blame himself for the divorce? It's up to his Dad how he deals with it but I'd suggest coming down like a ton of bricks on someone who for whatever reason is feeling resentful will definitely drive a wedge between them. Could your husband approach it with curiosity about why his son feels like this? I hope you all manage to negotiate this without an estrangement.

The asset income is supplemental to the DHs own regular income. Who’s to say the DH isn’t spending his own business income on his wife and her children?

Grandfather did set up the trust to benefit the biological grandchildren. He left the biological grandchildren the capital assets.

They will inherit those assets when their parents die.

Until then the income generated by the assets is shared among the parents.

The son has done nothing wrong. The father didn't earn the money, his father did, and it would upset most people to see their father spend money on their step mother and step siblings.

The asset that provides money to the DH will be passed onto the son intact though - no inheritance is being spent here.

This. Factual and no drama required.

OP’s previous thread indicates that all money spent on her children is resented by ex wife - no matter the source earned or otherwise. Her feelings have clearly influenced the stepson.

I would at this stage politely decline. Any funds received from the money left via the grandparents are as far as I can see your husband's to spend as he wishes. He could use this to treat you, your children or the cats home for that matter. it is wholly unreasonable to look for any funds then to be reimbursed it is none of his business. He can of course view the capital funds which remain so he knows what he may receive when your DH dies. Though this does sound a little bit like he is waiting for you both to pop off and hoping this is as soon as possible. If I were you or your DH this would impact how I viewed by DSC. However, I would try and keep any responses as amicable as possible. He is still relatively young and young people say and do some not very nice things.

Then the grandfather should have set up a trust to direct benefit his biological grandchildren.

he didn’t. He has left the “trust” to benefit his children and for them to use as they see fit.

this SS needs to realise that any money that belongs to his father (either as his income from his business or from the “trust”) and will have nothing to do with him until the day his father dies and he finds out what his share of that estate is. To expect to see his father’s finances and how he spends his money, and then believe he can somehow backdate his “share” is grabby and entitled

The SS is going to inherit the capital in this not-quite-a-trust. Presumably a very large amount, given that the interest/whatever is providing a significant annual income to his father and aunts/uncles. And given that his dad takes him on expensive holidays and will be paying for uni etc, he clearly isn't going without, and he actually sounds quite spoiled.

So I don't think DH can be accused of not considering the next generation. DH has his own business, and hasn't inherited from his father, as such. He just gets some extra income from the not-a-trust.

If you read OPs previous post back in April it’s all of the DH’s money that is under scrutiny not just the income from the trust.

The ex wife specifically said to the DH that any money spent on OP’s children was being taken away from her children.

Stepson wants a tally of any money spent on OP and her children to be kept and then that money deducted from OP’s share of DH’s estate when he passes.

The grandfather’s trust is a red herring.

What a deeply unpleasant man he is. Hopefully he’ll improve as he matures. He just needs to be told none of your business ad nauseam.

None of his fucking business! His entitlement is off the scale and needs to be closed down ASAP

Wow. Well I guess you know your place eh OP. What vile children.

Hm. Interesting. I think the way DSS is going about it is all kinds of wrong, but I do think there's something of a moral obligation when you inherit money. To me, there's a big difference between earning it yourself (spend how you want) and being given it. You should feel free to spend what you need to be OK, but you should use the rest to benefit the next generation without spoiling them, whether that's to give them better opportunities now or leave to them as an inheritance, or to benefit society. I'd secretly think rather poorly of someone who spent a large inheritance on luxuries and didn't consider the next generation or charities.

Why does an 18year old concerned about whether his father is spending money meant for them, on their spouse’s children need to be relationship ending? He sounds like a terrible father, I’m afraid.
He sounds like he wants to swap his bio children for yours, a decision he would regret in future.

He needs to man up, talk to his child and guide him like a responsible father. What a joke. 18 is no age at all. He needs a lot of guidance from his father to shape him.

It sounds like an interest in possession trust?

If so, then whatever income your DH gets from it, is his to spend as he chooses.

However, there are other trusts funds that operate in such a way that spending money generated by the trust in any way not explicitly approved by the trustees in line with the terms of the trust, would constitute misuse, and could be subject to recovery.

If the release of funds is conditional, then a trustee/the trustees will retain oversight and can request and/or compel disclosure. Whether this is information the son has any right to request will depend on whether he’s a trustee, and on exactly what type of trust this concerns.

He may be a cheeky fucker that’s massively overstepping, or he could be doing his duty as a trustee.

The step-son gains from his grandfather's trust, that's not in question. The OP's husband also benefits from the trust by means of an income. The step-son doesn't want his Dad to spend any of that income on his step-children or wife. He wants his Dad to share what that income is spent on.

Your step-son has zero right to know how his Dad chooses to spend the income the trust generates. It's none of his business. Your step-son is wrapped up in a bubble of resentment, to the point, it actually looks as if he's waiting for his Dad to die, so he can get his hands on as much money as possible.

His Dad's money is his own. His Dad isn't dead, so any assets or income he may have is his. Your step-son is coming across as extremely greedy, entitled and bratty.

I appreciate your husband doesn't want to upset his son and he wants a relationship with him, but what he's requesting is overstepping boundaries. He needs to say 'It's not information that will be shared with you'. If he asks why then say 'because I'm not dead yet, and until that time arrives, any assets are still mine, to do with as I see fit'.

Even for a savvy 18 y.o. these are odd questions. What happened to spark this? He may just be being a grabby little sod who sees his dad living with kids he isn’t related to but is paying for skiing trips when as you’ve said OP your kids have a father. Or there could be something else going on. There’s a similar issue in my wider family (to do with step grand kids potentially inheriting from my mother) which caused one of my kids to ask me if I was concerned the step GCs were going to get my inheritance. I just had to make it very clear that what my mother does with her money is her business and no one should ever go through life expecting an inheritance. Your DH needs to shut this down and/or try to understand what is driving the questions. You need to stay out of it or it will make it much worse.

Your stepson is being irrational, but then again, love and money are two things that make people act in irrational ways.

Obviously your husband has every right to spend his money however he pleases. Your stepson is way out of line there. Does he seriously think every penny his father earns belongs by right to him and that he gets a say in how it is spent?

It seems as if the grandfather's bequest is protected and the DSCs will get what their grandfather intended them to have.

You DH could be the most doting father in the world and his son could still unloved, or be confusing money with love, or reacting in some other irrational way. It's possible malicious friends have been whispering in his ears. Sometimes we can never unravel where these ideas came from.

He needs to be told, very lovingly and clearly, No.

I suspect this goes deeper than money for your stepson. It sounds emotional. I really think it would be a huge mistake for your hubby to severe ties … at 18 this kid is emotionally immature no matter how academically gifted he is.

Can I suggest your hubby and this son goes to counselling to work out what is driving things. As your husbands oldest child he would have been more affected by the divorce regardless of you not being the older woman.

This kid is watching his dad play happy families with a new family - he no doubt has bad memories or jealousy driving this and poor communications skills have ended up expressing this as anger about money.