Stepchild wants to see finances and money spent on his stepsiblings.

It’s none of his business the money is your husbands until he dies and then whatever the will says! Cheeky bugger!!

What a cheeky entitled little F. Tell him his fathers finances are not his business. How dare he think he can have insight into private finances. Why would he think that is ok? What his father spends is of no concern to him. Cheeky sod.

Your husband will need to tell his son that he best find some respect and to respect you.
He is 18 who the helldoes he think he is .
I hope you're ok mixed families are tricky x

Would have been helpful, agreed.

I do think though that it doesn’t matter what his dad chooses to spend his money on.

I agree

I do feel a bit for the stepson; someone is pouring poison and bitterness into his ear. Legally an adult he is emotionally very much still a child and it is sad that someone in his life has made him feel that demanding his father account for all elements of his spending is at all reasonable.

That said, in OP's and her DH's shoes I would mostly feel really annoyed and quite hurt. It is rude and entitled and very grubby of him to take this approach. Also quite ridiculous. You can imagine him pouring over the shopping bill complaining that too much was spent on bread and that this would have been better used being saved for his future inheritance...

I think your DH just has to say no to his son.

This is also forewarning you that your step son is likely to be difficult if your DH dies - have you got good legal advice to ensure that your right in your joint house is protected? If not, I'd do that soon.

I'd be encouraging dh to take up an expensive frivolous hobby and spend his money .
The grabby little fucker can get a job.

I don’t think even then it is their call to make to see the finances. What I understand is that FIL had estate and it generates money (children, including OP’s husband, get money from that, let’s say they have flats in London and they all get equal amount of rent in terms of money) but they can’t sell those assets (let’s say flats again) now if all children die, all flats will be sold and all money will be distributed all grandchildren. Again, no assets at that time, just money which will come out of selling all assets. So OP’s husband’s share is the money is his problem where he spends, he can even burn it if he wants every month, and it won’t hurt the original assets… so even if the OP’s children have been spoilt at step dad’s money that little fucker has no right to ask to audit the money. He will get his share when his father plus all his uncles and aunts will die!

We have a very one sided version of the story here. Step families are rarely as clean cut as the simplified version of events the OP has presented.

While the OP is spending her husband’s money, her own property is building equity for her own children.

Is the OP going to will equal parts of ‘her’ property to her stepchildren or is it all going to her biological children.

From your updates, it appears that the DSS is resenting your DH spending his own money as he wishes rather than anything to do with late GF assets? Your DH should tell his son it has nothing to do with him how he spends his money unless his son has to start financially supporting his DF. I’m really surprised that someone who runs their own business can’t say to their own son, “nothing to do with you”.

😂😂😂😂 NOPE…What an entitled little a-hole the DSS is! I assume the trust is set up in that way so your FIL provided for his children until they are no longer living and then that then benefited his grandchildren. The stepson has no right to dictate what the proceeds are spent on until he inherits it. Tell him to jog on. And yes it may well affect your husbands relationship with him, but that’s not his fault. That’s on his son.

Perhaps if SS went through his finances, only looking at this inherited money he gets - and saw how this money had to pay:
the child maintenance for the SS and sibling
anything bought for the SS and the sibling
Uni funding
the dad’s share of rent/mortgage/bills/food/house maintenance/holidays
the dad’s personal bills - car/car costs/phone/clothes/toiletries/haircuts/hobbies/dentistry etc

is there any left? Ignoring anything from earned income or his wife’s income.

as that is a significant amount of money needed to cover those.

perhaps the dad can show him what real life costs with the conclusion the dad cannot afford to give any money to Uni costs and now son is 18 no longer had to fund him!!,

That would be my conclusion with such an attitude.
and certainly no money for house deposit, or any costs at all when son is in a job, as he might need to learn to grow up that way.

That is a fab way to ruin the relationship between father and son.
We have only read the wife's side of the story. Maybe the son feels his father is prioritising his step children over his own children.

Bottom line - this is up to your OH (with respect to having to answer to himself, and himself only) and by extension to his OH (you). No one else, at least until and unless he or the estate demands or allows it.

It's the same difference....My parents spend the money they have, the way they want to. I have no say (unless there's a safe-guarding issue and not me poking my nose where it isn't needed!).

good god, my dh kids have been somewhat entitled on occasions, but this is off the charts!

at 18 he’s old enough to be well and truly told that how your household spends its money is none of his business, any more than how HIS mother’s household is managed is none of yours.

or “fuck off”, that works too.

he needs telling that his bitterness and entitlement are staggeringly rude and the conversation ends there and then.

It would have helped if the OP had referenced the incident in April from her previous thread.

OP’s DH very kindly helped the OP fund a school ski trip for one of her children that she and the kid’s father couldn’t afford.

When this info came out at a family wedding the then 17-year old said directly to his step-brother going on the ski trip you are spending MY inheritance.

This was followed by a later communication from the ex wife saying she felt any money spent on the OP’s children was being taken from her children.

Now we only have the bare minimum from the OP - we don’t know if there are past resentments at play. Did the DH’s kids get denied ski trips etc because there was no spare money before? Did the ex wife struggle through the lean early years of setting up a business so there were no treats for her kids. But now business is established plus extra income from FIL inheritance and OP and her kids are benefiting from a much better lifestyle?

Where have you got the "lavish" from? The OP has said she lives in a house/area she would not be able to afford on her own, has a family holiday that she probably wouldn't be able to afford to do every year if she were on her own and that her DH paid for her son to go on a school ski trip that she and her ex were struggling to pay for, for which they were very grateful. It is clear that the OP has remarried and now to someone with more income than her (hence her use of the term "subsidised") but how do you know this involves "lavish gifting"?

If the father in law only wanted to benefit his grandchildren why didn’t he leave it directly to them bypassing his children altogether?

Instead he went out of his way to ensure his children received additional income.

There is no mention of limitations on what the income can be spent on. So the husband is entitled to do with it what he will.

I disagree. I can’t imagine a situation in which I would be upset at my father - a man in full command of his faculties - spending his own money however he pleases. In fact my siblings and I have made it clear to him that we’d far rather he spend as much as possible enjoying himself as he sees fit - even if on fast cars, drink and dodgy women 🤣 - than try to save it for us.

how very scummy of him.

do we know whether his mum has been saying things along the lines of ‘new wife is spending all of your dads money so you’ll never see it’ etc.

I can’t see why he would have such feelings on it otherwise

Your step son has obviously got zero right to study his dads’s finances and it it totally unacceptable for him to make such a request. I am interested though in why he has asked. Is there a difference in life style between him and his siblings and your children? Does he think his dad is spending money on your children when he did not choose to spend similarly on his own? Two options, your step son is an unpleasant entitled idiot, or he rightly or wrongly feels hurt by your husband.

What a cheeky little fecker! Hope he’s told to do one.

Explain (gently or otherwise) being an adult means he is entitled to earn his own path in life now. Nothing about your finances is any if his business EVER.

Even people intelligent enough at 18 to do well in A Levels may be emotionally very immature so deal with this calmly but firmly.
Your DH should outline what the SS's rights are, i.e. he will inherit the assets left by the grandfather, and if true, he may have the right to see how they are being managed.

SS does not, and never will have, the right to decide (or even know) how your DH spends his cash. Both you and DH have the right to privacy with regard to your expenditure.

DH understands your SS's need for fairness but SS will just have to trust that his father has the best interests of all his children at heart.
Lots of reassurance and benevolent smiles but firm lines drawn.