If your DM lives nearby would she expect to be invited to yours for drinks with your friends/neighbours every time? Would you invite her?

Does your sister invite her to every social gathering at your sister's house?

My widowed mum lives 5 mins away, we invite her to any family things, birthdays etc & if we do a new years party as don't like her alone that night. Otherwise no. She'd hate if I went everywhere with her n her friends. She's a dominating character as well with hard of hearing & dementia starting so can take over!

My mother lives far away and stays for months over summer. Whenever we host friends she is always there dominating the conversation around her. It would be nice to have some space to talk to my friends. She literally interrogates people she barely knows. It's sometimes embarrassing the level of detail she will ask people about their lives.

So YANBU. She really should not be expected to be invited to everything you host, really not normal and doubt your company would like it either tbh.

Oh I have one of these mothers. It’s tiring!

Can you gently suggest she joins a book club, Pilates etc so she some hobbies?

I would not expect her to join friendship getogethers. Having your mum there changes the dynamics.

I live in the same street as my adult DC. I get invited to things at their homes if they think I'd enjoy it and gel with the company. I go out with DD and her colleagues at times as they're a mixed age and I know a couple from school. I'd not expect to be invited when she and DSil host their couple friends, because I don't know them.
I think when deciding who to include it's the event and company that is the important thing not the family relationship.

If my Mother had lived close by I would have seen her a lot but she would not have been invited to get togethers with friends. But she had her own circle of friends so it wouldn’t have been expected either.

When she was widowed she did have dinner at my siblings house every day but they lived on the same road.

Nope. My DPs live very close to us. And it works precisely because neither of us do or expect this! We see each other several times a week of course and we socialise in wider family and friends groups often but we also have our own distinct friendship groups and wouldn’t expect to tag along to those things.

No, absolutely not. Too intrusive. FWIW my cousin and my aunt live next door to each other and they trot around together ALL the time like conjoined twins. My aunt even turns up at my cousin's workplace quite often and has lunch with her in the staff room. Cousin is 47, married and has 2 children. Her mother attends pretty much every social event that my cousin goes to.

It's too much. Too intense, and tbh it's discussed quite a bit as it's seen as an unhealthy dynamic.

How nearby? Is she over the road so she can see the party going on, or just in the same town?
My DF lives five mins drive away and I invite him for dinner etc but wouldn’t invite him to a friends get together.

No YANBU but I have to wonder how she knows you’re having a BBQ? In your case I would limit what I share with her.

No way, just as my parents didn’t invite their parents. And my children don’t invite me . The idea is ludicrous.

But just to say ....... deep down, however many friends and activities I might have, the loneliness of widowhood is pretty punishing. Just worth bearing that in mind I guess.

NB I do NOT discuss DDs with their siblings!

As an afterthought, my adult children ask me to join them and their friends and I do. I feel honored. But mostly, they do their own thing and might tell me about it later.

I’d invite her sometimes. She’s smart and funny and my friends love her. She wouldn’t expect to be invited every time. Nor, would I expect to be invited to every get together with her friends.

Then just laugh and say you know she does. Anyway, don’t worry. My grandmother very rarely attended social things at my parents’ and she lived next door!

Good Lord no of course not. Mum certainly didn’t invite me to everything she did either.

The one good thing here is that she actually said something. A chance to be quite blunt in return. ‘God Mum it would be pretty odd if we didn’t have our own lives. And incidentally why do you discuss me with dsis so much?’

I have 3 adult DDs.

I do not expect to be part of their social lives. They do all sorts of things and invite all sorts of people to their place and it is none of my business.

We also socialise with each other of course as a family; and occasionally I will be there when their friends are if they are people I know.

I am widowed and on my own but I do not expect to live my life through them. They are a part of my life of course, but so are lots of other people.

No and yes. My mum wouldn’t expect it but I would. I love my mum to bits. She actually has a better social life and wider friend circle than me though so would probably pie me off.

Of course not.
She has her friends and I have mine.
There might be the occasional cross over on 'big birthdays' or weddings but not just normal socialising.

No way.