If your DM lives nearby would she expect to be invited to yours for drinks with your friends/neighbours every time? Would you invite her?

God that would drive me potty, irrespective of how nice or lovely my in-law might be! I'd struggle if that was my own parent too 😆

No, I don’t really need or want to be invited to DDs when she has friends or neighbours round.

Neither would I always invite her to mine.

My DC live nearby and I certainly don't want to go to everything they're doing or have them at everything I'm doing, it's not natural tbh.

This one hundred per cent. She’ll make it sound reasonable that she should be there it’s very much not.

My FIL lives across the road from us. He turns up at our house most days at 5pm like a stray cat and joins us if we have friends round. We often hang out with our next door neighbours and if we aren’t at home he will pop round to theirs. They often invite him in even if we aren’t there 😆 He drives me bonkers but he is well meaning so I cope.

It's pretty sad. TBH i also wonder how your Dsis feels about it. You think it's so she can gossip negatively about you- your Dsis might think your mother is showing her how her life is wanting. You have social events and lots of friends and she doesn't!

Does she try and play you off each other? DH's father used to do that - big note DH to BIL while running DH down to his face and big-noting BIL to DH while running BIL down to his face. It caused anger, resentment and I can;t help but wonder what the point of it all was.

Whatever it is, it sounds very very annoying. And no not healthy to expect to be enmeshed in your life.

It’s the same as when people bring their teens to friend events. Out of politeness you say it’s ok but it’s not really. If I want to talk about student houses and a levels I can talk to my own teens. I want to see my friends and have a laugh not the polite inter generational chat you inevitably end up having.

Particularly as it’s never the fun teens or elderly parents who want to be included! The fun ones are off with their own friends!

My mum lives with us and I wouldn't invite her if I was having friends over. I'd feed her early and check she has everything she needs and then go and have a nice time with my friends! She seems perfectly happy with this - she spends the evening playing Sudoku and talking to my brothers

We do whole family things fairly every couple of weeks and she will always be at those, but I will not invite her to join us if it is my friends or even our neighbours unless it is some sort of neighbourhood meeting.

I’d shut her down by telling her it was a do for your friends and she doesn’t get invited to everything. Do you see her lots? Why is she whinging? Is she lonely? Small social circle? Suggest some other activities for her. Is she reliant on you and your dsis for everything?

No absolutely not. For a family event, sometimes, but not all the time, or a child’s birthday party. But our parents have literally never been invited to anything with friends or neighbours (nor have they invited us to theirs for a similar gathering).

She shouldn't expect to be invited to everything. It's a bit strange to expect to become a fixed part of your children's social circle. Sometimes, you just want to hang around friends and be able to let loose in ways you can't when your parents are around.

Mine would expect it but I wouldn't do it!

Not at all. My mother had a very active social life she didn’t want to be involved in mine! When she lived for six months of the year near me I saw her once during the week and usually had her for Sunday lunch (dad too til he passed away). But why would she want to come over with my friends? She doesn’t know them.

I know it's difficult, but the best response to guilt tripping is breeziness.

"I just thought..." "Oh well, never mind! Anyway -"

"It just would have been nice if..." "Haha, nah I think this way was the best. Did I tell you about the kids' school concert?"

Just decline to engage in the way they want you to.

When people put on their painted expressions or wounded voices or that "edge of tears" face, I view it as an invitation - and don't accept it.

If I had this situation, my mom.would not no. Even if she did, it's not something i would always do. I would probably choose to keep friends and family apart. Expecting something does not mean it will happen. Stand firm or you will become resentful.

No it’s weird. But then my
mother is literally the most popular person I know so has legions of her own friends she doesnt need mine!

No.

My son and I go out sometimes to the pub or to gigs and I've met some of his friends and its always, "Oh, its lovely to meet you. I've heard so much about you," on both sides.

He and I have a great relationship and are in touch most days and he has lovely friends but I wouldn't want or expect to be specifically invited to things he is doing with his friends.

Depends on your relationship with your mum I guess.

I have a friend who's mum lives very nearby (next door in fact!). The mum appears at every event my friend hosts, friend catch ups etc. Her mum also accompanies them on every holiday. I find it very weird.