AIBU to not leave the kitchen spotless once I have finished prepping dinner?

I would be happy to leave the cooking to DH if he had any complains.

Cook, eat, clean.

Or ideally, cook, eat, and get someone else to clean

If you're a competent cook it's very easy to tidy as you go. Obviously it's not going to be completely pristine but it's incredibly annoying when people can't cook without leaving the kitchen in a state - I always think it's a rather passive-aggressive act to draw attention to the effort involved in the cooking.

aside from the tidying issue, people who think it is ok to start faffing around with other stuff, or do not respond to requests to come to the table when a meal prepared by someone else is on the table are beyond rude

I used to lodge with a family as a student and the woman expected me to clean up before I ate the dinner I'd just cooked, with it sitting there on the table getting cold.

I thought she was insane.

This is a great idea if you cook equal amounts. We do (DH possibly more than me), but in many households only one person does the cooking so it would be unfair if they also had to clear up

I think it is somewhere in between! I clear up all prep items and surfaces as I go but the dishes/pans that the food has just come out of e.g. saucepans/roasting pan etc will need clear up afterwards.

This!

Your DH seems to be at one extreme, of expecting a kitchen to be spotless, but you give the impression of being someone who is at the other extreme of leaving the kitchen like a bomb site.

My DP does most of the cooking because he usually gets home from work before I do. I'm happy to do the washing up but do get fed up of things like putting bottles and jars back in kitchen cupboards or cleaning kitchen surfaces which would have only needed a quick wipe if spills had been mopped up straight away. I find fishing random items out of the sink (eg kidney beans that have landed in there when he's opened a tin to drain it and a few things have fallen out) particularly irritating.

I certainly don't leave the kitchen pristine when I've cooked but I tidy up as I go along so that DP just needs to do the washing up.

We are one of each in this house, I’m like you and leave a mess but DH when cooking will easily clean as he goes and leave it very clean and tidy. We just accept that of each other

Ha yes, you have to be on the same page. Given our 'chef doesn't do the final wash up' strategy, I've successfully trained DP not to use every single sodding kitchen item we own, and to wash as he goes, same as i do. It works fine now.

I agree. I tidy as I go because it stresses me out a bit to be left with a mess in the kitchen after I've eaten

We also have a rule in our house that whoever cooks cleans up their own cooking stuff

This rule was implemented by me because when I'm done there is the odd thing left over to clean up, but when DH cooks the entire kitchen and everything in it is a tip - it's like paddington Bear attempted to cook a banquet dinner. I cannot deal with it after I've eaten a big meal. Also cannot relax until kitchen is sorted.

Works ok for us - I guess everyone does their own thing but it has to work for both people. None of this passive-aggressive muttering to oneself whilst clearing up with other people trying to relax over dinner stuff.

I tidy as I go, usually not completely but things tend to be neatly stacked.

This is why we have a door between the kitchen and the family room, where the dining table is. I resisted knocking ot all through, despite the architects exhortations.

That idiot is him, not you 🤣

I try and clean as I go, but I’m not going to wash up a pan I’ve just used when serving dinner. So there will always be bits to tidy up after dinner. Tell him he’s welcome to cook for a month to show you how it’s done. Idiot 🙄

In our house, whoever doesn’t cook has to wash up what can’t go in the dishwasher and wipe the surfaces. If I’m cooking then I try and get what I can in the dishwasher as I go along. One DC sets the table and the other clears and scrapes the plates.

I clean as I go with chopping boards etc but if cooking a mess of chilli and rice - even if everything else is in dishwasher, as I serve up there is now a saucepan that I cooked the chilli in soaking in the sink. The rice pot and a sieve and a couple of spoons or ladles etc are there to clear up afterwards.

no big deal to do after the meal.

if it’s such a big deal to him seems he needs to take over all cooking duties.

Yeah, which is why I said there’s always stuff to do afterwards. But surely you clean the chopping board, wipe sides etc while the food is actually cooking? And, tbf, I think a roast is probably the worst for having loads of clean up. Delicious tho!

Perhaps he needs to show you how it’s done?

Sometimes I can clean as I go, other times I can't - it depends what I'm cooking. I don't see what the big deal is either way, as long as the kitchen gets cleaned at some point, who cares? Your DH can do the cooking himself if he's so particular.

I tidy as I go - but I don't do all of the cooking. My DH does. It does stress me out when I come into the kitchen and it looks like a bomb has gone off... I find it hard to relax and eat in that environment.

Sometimes I sneak around and tidy up while he is cooking - but he doesn't like it when I get in his way.

I tend to come and collect my dinner and let him go into the other room first - then I tidy up the worst of it (my DH won't do ANYTHING while he is cooking, including putting packets in the bin)... just so it doesn't look so bad....

,,,, but at the end of the day - if I don't like it I could do the cooking every night couldn't I?

YANBU

We had a roast tonight and it seemed to involve multiple baking trays and pans. Theres no way I was going to wash them before eating as the food would be stone cold by the time I'd dealt with them. Dh cooked and I tidied up afterwards

But what does this have to do with anything?

Are you asking the OP if this is her husband's culture?

What an asshole to complain you're not servanting right.

You are both wrong. Everyone I’ve seen in the kitchen will tidy as they go so I think it is very odd not to. However, it isn’t ever perfect and there’s always a bit left to do at the end.