AIBU to not leave the kitchen spotless once I have finished prepping dinner?

I clean as I go but there is still always stuff left to do after dinner is plated!

We've had discussions in this house about why the cook expects to be thanked, whereas letting other household chores go unacknowledged is fine. My DP insists that it is basic manners to thank the chef once you've taken the first taste of your food, but my view is that piece of etiquette probably stems from the days when women made the dinner and did all the rest of the housework so were being thanked for their overall contribution to running the household. I am not the chef in our house so kind of resent being expected to say an effusive thanks at the start of each meal, when I feel quite strongly that much of my contribution to running the household goes is never acknowledged by anyone. Saying that I do it anyway, and always comment if I particularly enjoy something.

He can cook dinner from now on, thd cheeky fucker

You are doing the cooking , it is your decision whether you clean as you go or not. Tell your DH to concentrate on his responsibilities and leave you to yours.
That said, it would be worth getting into the habit of clearing up as you go, it is much easier and less work overall.

I fill the sink with hot water so throw things in if I'm juggling too much, then wash and stack if I get the time. Pots, chopping boards, tinware goes in the sink, everything else goes in the dishwasher. I wipe down the sides. When DH cooks he does the same. No-one here wants to be banging around in the kitchen for 20 minutes after dinner.

Wouldn't it be just so much nicer had he said when presented with yet another meal - 'Thanks darling, looks really nice'.
Next time he complains I would tell him it's his turn to cook tomorrow.

Yes, I clean up as I go along but it's not possible to have an empty, tidy kitchen when cooking. Veg chilli, rice and cheese on top. 2 pans, one plate straight off. Does he expect you to clean up while the food is going cold on the plates?

You really aren't the problem here!

I’m a messy cook, OH is military clean Head Chef so cleans as he goes.

I tidy up as I cook. DH doesn't. As a result, in our house we have a rule that s/he who cooks also clears away. One cooking, the other clearing didn't work, as DH would have nothing more to do than scrape the plates and put them in the dishwasher when I cooked, yet I'd have to clean the whole kitchen, cooker etc when he cooked.

I genuinely don't understand why someone wouldn't clear up as they went along, because its simply so much more time efficient. But as long as they aren't expecting someone else to clear up after them, it's not really a problem.

I tidy up as much as possible as I go but that last few bits that will involve letting the food go cold to clear up can wait until after. Things like Yorkshire pudding trays, gravy saucepans and carving boards.

This is the solution. Or LTB.

If you are cooking in a kitchen which is not in your own house,yes. In your own house? No. You will clean it in your own time.

Wholly agree with this also. If someone cooks you dinner - you say thank you, you don't bloody whinge. That's totally obnoxious behaviour.

Tell him this is music to your ears and cooking and clean up is now his job. You're looking forward to him taking your place.

Then let him. No cooking for you.

I definitely do most of the cooking in our house, but since I clear up as I go along I really don't mind doing the clearing up at the end - there's only the odd pan and the kids stick their dishes in the dishwasher.

Anything to avoid dealing with the chaos of DH's post apocalyptic desecration of the kitchen after his occasional cooking !

Our (my!) other problem is that I want to clean up straight after dinner whereas he'd watch TV then clear up after.

So in general I prefer it when I cook and clean !

YANBU.

The people on here saying they clean as they go are to my mind missing the point: when someone cooks a meal for you (especially one that takes your dietary requirements and preferences into account), the correct response is to thank them and show appreciation by eating it whilst it's hot, not to moan.

This goes double or triple for when there's the person you are married to and who you supposedly love and respect, and whose time you therefore appreciate.

I do accept that being cooked for can be annoying if it involves the generation of truly egregious mess that you are then expected to clear up. I do recall as a kid for example that the rare times my dad cooked, he seemed to use every pot and pan going and leave the kitchen utterly disgusting in a way that rather negated the nice gesture from my mum's perspective. I get mildly irritated when my own DH cooks and doesn't take what I see as sensible measures to minimise the utter chaos.

But I'd still thank him for the meal itself!
Nor does this sound like your situation. You're not a robot - you're a person, a wife and a mum cooking food for your family, and I think it would be utterly unreasonable to expect any meal (let alone 2-3 variations to accommodate different dietary needs!) to be served in a coordinated manner with the kitchen simultaneously looking like it hasn't been used. This sounds controlling and ungrateful on the part of your husband and I would not agree to cook for someone who treated me like this.

Oh my goodness I couldn’t imagine a tidy kitchen after making dinner! Kitchen is always a mess when we eat dinner, partner knows it’s his job to get everything washed up and cleaned up after 😀

Based on this, he’s being unreasonable. That’s not much left out.

Is he generally a kind and decent person or not really?

My DH does most of the cooking in our house and the mess afterwards drives me crazy. He uses 3 chopping boards when it could be 1 and never tidies up as he goes. Kitchen is genuinely a bombsite. But I wouldnt be rude enough to say anything seeing as hes just cooked. He does usually clean up afterwards as well - if the clear up was left to me i might have something to say - tactfully!

Exactly this.

That's really not messy at all. He's being ridiculous.