AIBU to not leave the kitchen spotless once I have finished prepping dinner?

Lots of people have pointed out that your DH can take on more of the cooking if he’s so fussed about this. Is there a reason you’re not engaging with this?

You seem to be getting stressed about this and trying to appease him, when you really should be getting cross. Why is that?

I cook; my husband clears and cleans afterwards. I try not to leave him too much of a mess but he would never complain about it because he's not rude. How do you put up with him and his lack of respect for you? I do hope you don't just grin and bear it although, if he does it every day, it sounds as if you do. Only you can fix it.

I would tell him if he complains one more time you are going on strike.

I’m a clean as I go kinda gal too though I clean up while my husband cooks. No food gets cold during this endeavour

This doesn’t answer your question, but if he’s so exercised about mess he can cook all the time and then see how much energy he has for tidying up before eating.
He's also behaving very rudely. When someone cooks for you you say thank you. You don’t criticise the food or the state of the kitchen.
This is also not the point, but no way would I be making multiple meals. One dinner on the table. Eat the bits you want and leave the rest. Or you are welcome to make your own or go hungry.

When i was growing up my dad would always put his knife and fork together after dinner and say thank you to my mum and make some comment about how delicious it was. I saw and heard that every day of my childhood so it is now automatic for me to thank anyone who has cooked me a meal 😊

Haven’t read the full thread but my initials thoughts are YANBU and he’s a bit of an arse!!!

in our house whoever cooks (9.99% me) doesn’t clean!! It’s everyone else, including DC that do the clean up. Obviously I do a bit as I go, but that’s been a rule for a long time after I got sick of doing everything

I wouldn't tolerate this from him.
You cook a meal, call the family to the table, and his thing is to come and complain and gripe over a little bit of clearing up?

He needs reprogramming.
He should be coming in saying "this looks good, love." Sitting down enjoying a meal. And then clearing up while you relax.
You aren't his servant. 😠

YANBU

Tell your husband to arrive ten minutes before dinner and clear it all up himself , if he’s going to cry about it

He needs to be called down earlier to start the "tidy up" mission before you sit down for dinner if he is so bothered.... Or cook all meals, the choice is his! I would have to tell him he is being an ungrateful prick!

I try to clear up as I go whilst cooking, so that after the meal there's not a daunting pile of dirty utensils to get through. The kitchen is properly tidied up/wiped down/floor swept after the meal once the washing up has been done (we don't have a dishwasher)

Tidying up as you go along does not mean finish cooking, plate up and leave the dinner on the side to go cold whilst you tidy the kitchen! It means that you clear and put away as you go along, so that there's no mess left by the time the dinner is ready. You serve up eat eat fresh, hot food, but the only things left to wash after dinner are the dishes/pans you served from and the plates you eat off of.

Definitely always stuff to do afterwards, I would never clean all the cooking pans before eating. But I would have cleared the chopping board and prep stuff and wiped down sides from the raw prep. There’s almost always time to do all that while the food cooks. So I guess it depends whether the kitchen is a bombsite in which case YABU, or if it is the pans and utensils actually being used for cooking in which case HeIBU.

You can tidy up so much as you can as you go, I have to really or there is nowhere left to work, but you dish up veg out of the pans and meat out of a casserole, etc. If you then stop to wash all that up or put it in the dishwasher, if it isn't already full with the stuff you did clear up, the food would be stone cold.

It also depends how much of a rush you are in, I often find I'm way behind and running around in full panic mode so clearing up is low on my priorities.

The man's an idiot. You can leave thr kitchen pristine if you don't mind cold food and nobody is hungry, not otherwise.

I clear up lots of things as I go, but inevitably there will always be stuff left. After the meal DS and DH sort out clearing the table, loading the dishwasher and hand washing things that can't go in the dishwasher.
If someone was to criticise the state of the kitchen after I have thought about what to cook, make sure we had the ingredients, then cooked the meal, it would be the last meal I prepared for them, for quite a while.

Yanbu, he should be tidying up after dinner because you cooked - and he shouldn't be expecting some kind of show home standard of living - is he also like this in other ways?

You must have a very limited circle of friends then and be frequently served lukewarm, concealing food.

Well, he's the cook now.

He can be the sous chef and tidy up for you as you go rather than lurking upstairs playing on his phone or whatever. Or take it in turns to cook and see how he does.

Yanbu.

You cook and serve.

Him and DS tidy up AFTER

I do all the cooking, there’s just the two of us now. I’m pretty tidy as I prepare and cook but my hubby does the bulk of washing and tidying afterwards. What I love about the house we now live in is that the kitchen is separate to the lounge diner, we can’t see any carnage in the kitchen whilst dining.

Our last house had a kitchen diner and I was very conscious about the state of the kitchen before dining, I hated sitting down to eat with all the used pots and pans on show 🤪

I fill the the sink with hot soapy water and wash and dry as I go. By the time I'm plating up there's pretty much only serving spoons and pots/pans needing cleaned which get a good rinse and are left to soak.

I quite often get a few pots washed and dried while DH is faffing about with his seasoning and condiments etc.