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Original poster

Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

213 replies

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 10/08/2026 11:30

This thread has nothing to do with chivalry or any male/female dynamic. The norm would be to get off the train with your travelling companion no matter who they were. Their gender is irrelevant.

greenbean80 · 10/08/2026 11:21

AlphaApple · 10/08/2026 10:23

I’m also in the minority. When chivalry morphs into infantilising adult women it becomes self-defeating.

I would rather my H was comfortable in a pub than stuck on a train platform outside the loos.

Sorry for your stomach troubles OP, I hope you are feeling better today.

Your name alpha says it all… where is being taken care of when you’re vulnerable? Man or woman?

Gonedeaf · 10/08/2026 11:18

This is a huge red flag. It seems he doesn't care about you. Has anything similar like this happened before?

My DH would never leave me in this situation.

What are you going to do OP?

YourWildAmberSloth · 10/08/2026 11:16

How long have you been together and do you live together? Personally, that would be a deal breaker for me - he clearly doesn't care enough about you to just get off the damn train with you?

Imdunfer · 10/08/2026 11:09

TooFuckingHot · 09/08/2026 20:29

No way would my husband leave me. I’d be hurt if he did.

There's no way my husband would leave me either, which is just as well because he'd be hurt if he did 😆

Totally out of order, OP, just like the loos on the train.

ChaToilLeam · 10/08/2026 11:08

He sounds like a bellend. Sorry, OP.

Calliopespa · 10/08/2026 11:04

PoliteSquid · 10/08/2026 10:42

I’ve been thinking about this thread and came back to it this morning… WTF am I reading? The batshit posts about infantilising women, slagging off the notion of chivalry…. I’m bloody glad I don’t have people like those posters in my social circles!!

How about, decent human beings act in a caring manner towards other humans. In this instance the partner was not a decent human.

Hope you’re okay now OP.

I don't think chivalry actually has anything to do with it; you would expect any friend to get off the train with a friend they were travelling with in this circumstance.

Not because they are needed to wipe their bottom, or guard the loo or anything else, but simply because when travelling from A to B together, it is normal to stick together - and all the more so if one is suffering from a physical complaint. And yes, it may be a natural function, but it was clearly inconveniencing the op in a way that went beyond a normal procedure.

The first person to mention infantilising was responding to a post about the DP bringing immodium and a change of underwear for the op, but I assumed that was just in jest.

KrazyKatty · 10/08/2026 10:44

Ditch the dude and definitely DO NOT have kids with this wanker. He’s a selfish git and clearly telling you that he won’t take responsibility for anyone other than himself.

PoliteSquid · 10/08/2026 10:42

I’ve been thinking about this thread and came back to it this morning… WTF am I reading? The batshit posts about infantilising women, slagging off the notion of chivalry…. I’m bloody glad I don’t have people like those posters in my social circles!!

How about, decent human beings act in a caring manner towards other humans. In this instance the partner was not a decent human.

Hope you’re okay now OP.

LogicVoid · 10/08/2026 10:37

It would be normal for a loved one to have got off the train with you in this circumstance. Actually, even a decent friend would. Did he not consider the safety implications? He was more focused on his own 'immediate' needs.

The question is, is this typical behaviour towards you? Or is it a (hopefully) one off blip?

Chefpig · 10/08/2026 10:30

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

How long have you been together and do you live together?

Foolish1984 · 10/08/2026 10:28

PollyBell · 10/08/2026 10:10

Gentleman? Are we back in the 1950s?

How on earth do single woman cope without a man?

Show quote history

Having respect and caring for the person you love is not just a 1950s thing, astonishingly

LittleMonks11 · 10/08/2026 10:27

PollyBell · 10/08/2026 10:10

Gentleman? Are we back in the 1950s?

How on earth do single woman cope without a man?

Show quote history

They were out together - she didn’t ring him from the train whilst he was home and ask him to come to the station to guard the toilet!

LittleMonks11 · 10/08/2026 10:25

Infantilising? Have a word.

AlphaApple · 10/08/2026 10:23

I’m also in the minority. When chivalry morphs into infantilising adult women it becomes self-defeating.

I would rather my H was comfortable in a pub than stuck on a train platform outside the loos.

Sorry for your stomach troubles OP, I hope you are feeling better today.

Pinkissmart · 10/08/2026 10:20

How long have you been with him?

Foolish1984 · 10/08/2026 10:20

He’s done this to try make a point that you were ‘being ridiculous’, what a callous man. LTB

Calliopespa · 10/08/2026 10:16

Monty36 · 10/08/2026 09:55

The age of chivalry is dead in this instance. Not a gentleman.
Not thoughtful or kind.
A poor example of a man.

That conjured up an image of a Chretien de Troyes style Arthurian romance: "Perceval and the Chivalric Attendance at his Lady's🚽 Chamber Pot" or some such legend.

PollyBell · 10/08/2026 10:10

Monty36 · 10/08/2026 09:55

The age of chivalry is dead in this instance. Not a gentleman.
Not thoughtful or kind.
A poor example of a man.

Gentleman? Are we back in the 1950s?

How on earth do single woman cope without a man?

bananamilkshake123 · 10/08/2026 10:05

pillorinjection · 09/08/2026 22:32

Bowel issues aren't super attractive and I think I would prefer to shit alone and in peace and catch up with him later.

Same here! I think we're in the minority though...

insomniacalways · 10/08/2026 10:04

I'm super independent and would still want my partner to get off the train with me in this case, especially as if you had not made it you might have needed help, toilets could have been closed etc.

MarilynMerlot · 10/08/2026 10:01

I actually woke up thinking about this thread because it annoyed me so much. In past relationships I’ve had that terrible lightbulb moment when you realise the other person just doesn’t see you the way partner should, or even a friend. That chasm opens up in your chest when you realise someone you love doesn’t care about you, and would happily abandon you to do the thing they actually want. I don’t think it’s recoverable.

i would honestly end it over this.

Monty36 · 10/08/2026 09:55

The age of chivalry is dead in this instance. Not a gentleman.
Not thoughtful or kind.
A poor example of a man.

CinnamonBuns67 · 10/08/2026 09:42

Yanbu. My husband would have got off with me to make sure I was alright.

MyPlumHelper · 10/08/2026 09:33

greenbean80 · 10/08/2026 09:28

@MyPlumHelperthat’s why she needed the support someone help her - she wasn’t going to stay on the train and have an accident - so he should have got off and helped her. Immodium has its own consequence for those with IBS.

Show quote history

Can you explain what he cpuld have done if they'd got off the train, no toilets and she soiled herself? At least if she'd stayed on the train they'd be home sooner.

What was he supposed to do?

The OP needs to plan better and take immodium.

There's something a bit fetishising about this thread. Where has the op gone anyway