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AIBU?

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Original poster

Rude husband

63 replies

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/08/2026 19:57

I am at the end of my tether with my husband. He struggles socially. Have posted many times before. He finds chit chat hard. My family know this but will say hello and be polite but pretty much leave him to it.
we had a family meal last weekend. Parents hosted, all close family there. He went and sat away from everyone and basically just sat and drank for the whole evening. My uncle invited him over to where most people were sitting and he said no thanks the company’s better over here. He was by himself. I think he was trying to be funny. But I felt like this is rude. I feel like he was rude all evening. It probably would have been better if he just didn’t turn up to be honest. I’ve had a whole week to sit and think about it all and it’s given me the ick if I’m being honest. I need to speak to him about it. But really have no idea what to say. I’m sure he will say that everyone knows what he’s like etc, but that doesn’t make it ok. Didn’t know where else to post.

OP posts:
Original poster
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/08/2026 21:00

@rwalkerthis is literally it. He just kept drinking. Which in turn I think led to him saying stupid things.

OP posts:
inkgirl · 09/08/2026 20:58

I'm not really sociable either, some people just arent, but i don't really see the point in bringing up something that happened a week ago. Feels like this would just start an argument thats not necessary

hattie43 · 09/08/2026 20:57

I think it may be a lack of confidence and he keeps to himself to avoid saying the wrong thing . Having said that I couldn’t be with someone like that , socialising is such a part of the human psyche and your family / friends must be stumped as to why your with him . Presumably he was able to communicate to get you to marry him so what’s changed .

sunandpeonies · 09/08/2026 20:56

H s hiding behind his so called anxiety. If he truly had it he would not have been that rude as his anxiety would have rendered him speechless or meek and mild.
Not surprised you have the ick.

rwalker · 09/08/2026 20:53

I can relate to this I always felt socially awkward and struggled
I would literally be panicking on the way to the type of event you say and it would be my idea of hell trying to make chit chat
and would preferred to be on my own

social anxiety is crushing and you have to have it to realise how crippling it is
people are completely dismissive and don’t understand it and say oh just be polite it’s excruciating when your t to integrate yourself

I would often end up pissed because I’d taking a mouthful of your drink to avoid having to interact

sound like he’s mildly on the spectrum with no insight and he’s always been line that

Pistachiocake · 09/08/2026 20:52

Is this new? Because if not, it seems unreasonable to suddenly query it. If it is, surely you'd want to look into why?
It seems quite a lot of people say they don't want to socialise with others now due to anxiety-it is is a genuine mental health issue, not sure rude is the right term. but if not, what has happened when you've asked him about it?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/08/2026 20:46

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/08/2026 20:07

I’ve had endless conversations with him over the years about this. He says he finds socializing hard. He finds it hard when I tell him how it makes me feel when he acts like this. It’s as if his anxiety about socializing makes him almost say stupid things which in turn make him sound and act rude. I just wanted others to see what they thought. But yeah realizing this this isn’t really going to last if it carries on like this.

Lots of people find socialising hard. Its not an excuse to be downright rude and obnoxious to the people you love. You can bet he would not do that with work colleagues.

Sorry OP but he is being so disrespectful and after a while it will drive a wedge between you and your family.

Original poster
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/08/2026 20:07

The more I’m thinking about it the worse my ick is getting.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 09/08/2026 20:07

I mean I’m in two minds about this.

i did used to go to my in laws family gatherings but they were bloody hard work and I think lots of people do find their in laws hard work.

if that’s the only issue (and you do say he struggles socially generally) I wouldn’t care but I’m guessing it isn’t

Original poster
billandtedsexcellentadventure · 09/08/2026 20:07

I’ve had endless conversations with him over the years about this. He says he finds socializing hard. He finds it hard when I tell him how it makes me feel when he acts like this. It’s as if his anxiety about socializing makes him almost say stupid things which in turn make him sound and act rude. I just wanted others to see what they thought. But yeah realizing this this isn’t really going to last if it carries on like this.

OP posts:
MarthaLovesLaughing · 09/08/2026 20:03

If he can't be civil he should stay at home. I couldn't be married to someone like this

HatAndScarf33 · 09/08/2026 20:03

I think it’s not unreasonable for you to expect your dh to make some effort socially with your family on the odd occasion. My dh would happily sit out a family get together, but he’ll make the effort when I ask him to join and he does it with good grace. Bit of compromise and give and take is all part of being in a partnership imo. If he just wants to please himself all the time, why be with anyone?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/08/2026 20:01

Why on earth are you with him? What does a rude, antisocial alcoholic add to your life?

Leave him.