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Original poster

Family lacking manners, or just me?

70 replies

LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:38

I hosted a family lunch for 15 adults and 4 children. They are relatives but not close ones, I don't see them often.

I provided all the food and drink, spent quite a bit on the food and lots of time prepping. I ended up feeling like a used venue rather than an appreciated family member.

These are the main things that stood out.

  1. They all left their plates/glasses everywhere
  2. I always take a token bottle of wine/flowers/chocs if invited to a meal but not one of them bought anything
  3. No one messaged to say thank you afterwards

Are these things ridiculous to feel a bit surprised by? I wonder if I just hold myself to different manners, but this is otherwise pretty normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:58

pimplebum · 09/08/2026 19:54

Were they your kids ?
even so id bring my mum flowers AND wine ANd help tidy up

can you say something?

No not my children, they 'belonged' to the family members!

I'm the same - I always make sure to show my appreciation, I can't quite get my ahead around turning up empty handed, leaving plates, glasses, tissues, etc everywhere and then not even saying thank you.

No I'm too much of a wimp to say anything, I hate drama, I will take the advice though and not invite them or host again.

I thought maybe they just didn't enjoy their day.

OP posts:
Minasama · 09/08/2026 19:56

Goodness. This seems so unusual that I wonder if there was a mixed message somewhere along the line, eg a “helpful” family member telling the others there was no need to bring anything as they normally don’t?

TiredLimeUnicorn · 09/08/2026 19:56

Gwenhwyfar · 09/08/2026 19:50

2 and 3 are rude. However, I understand number 1 because I forbid people from taking their cups, plates, etc. into my kitchen because they do it wrong.

Me too but my family knows this and still ask, every time, as it’s just basic manners. I wouldn’t be hosting them again OP

pimplebum · 09/08/2026 19:54

Were they your kids ?
even so id bring my mum flowers AND wine ANd help tidy up

can you say something?

Whyherewego · 09/08/2026 19:53

For no one to have even offered to help or to have even messaged a thank you. That's unforgivable

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 09/08/2026 19:52

You did something lovely and they were rude and ungrateful. Sorry you were treated that way.

Original poster
LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:52

Gwenhwyfar · 09/08/2026 19:50

2 and 3 are rude. However, I understand number 1 because I forbid people from taking their cups, plates, etc. into my kitchen because they do it wrong.

That makes sense if you have a preference! Totally understand that.

OP posts:
Papyrophile · 09/08/2026 19:51

You offered kindness and hospitality, which was abused. Another one suggesting that you don't repeat the invitation.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/08/2026 19:50

2 and 3 are rude. However, I understand number 1 because I forbid people from taking their cups, plates, etc. into my kitchen because they do it wrong.

Ipsevenenabibas · 09/08/2026 19:49

They are completely rude. I'm sorry you have had this experience but now that you have you know not to invite them again.

theneighbourhadaparrot · 09/08/2026 19:49

Even my kids friends on a sleepover don't leave crap everywhere AND say thank you when they leave.

Original poster
LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:48

suburburban · 09/08/2026 19:45

How rude, I never go to someone’s empty handed

I didn't expect anything but I'd never, ever turn up empty handed to someone's house when I know they're providing lunch/are hosting.

And I always make sure to say thank you afterwards!

Thank you everyone for being so validating.

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · 09/08/2026 19:48

LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:47

I'm such a people pleaser, I wish I hadn't gone to so much effort 😞

I felt so deflated and out of sorts, I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.

Show quote history

No. You are not.

Original poster
LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:47

Lexy2345 · 09/08/2026 19:44

Very rude and disrespectful. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

I'm such a people pleaser, I wish I hadn't gone to so much effort 😞

I felt so deflated and out of sorts, I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.

OP posts:
suburburban · 09/08/2026 19:45

How rude, I never go to someone’s empty handed

Original poster
LetterBetter · 09/08/2026 19:44

ShetlandishMum · 09/08/2026 19:40

I wouldn't have acted like this as a guest but surprised? No.
Don't invite them back.

Thank you, that's exactly it - I wouldn't have ever behaved the way they did.

I just feel a bit used.

I'd 'only' invited 10 of them (I felt 10 was enough to cater for!) but then they invited 5 more between themselves.

One of them bought their dog, I love dogs but this one was so badly behaved it was such a stress.

Just a rubbish day, I felt deflated after so much effort.

OP posts:
Lexy2345 · 09/08/2026 19:44

Very rude and disrespectful. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour.

Loulou4022 · 09/08/2026 19:41

How bloody rude! I wouldn’t be inviting them back again!

JoshLymanSwagger · 09/08/2026 19:41

@LetterBetter Don't host these people again.

ShetlandishMum · 09/08/2026 19:40

I wouldn't have acted like this as a guest but surprised? No.
Don't invite them back.

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