Family lacking manners, or just me?

Apart from the 3 points you make OP, bringing extra people and a dog without reference to you is also very rude.

Don't invite these people again

I've had similar before and it really feels horrible. I just stopped putting in so much effort for people dont appreciate or reciprocate.

All of it was rude but especially inviting another five people between them! Did they run that past you first?

That's really rude, my parents always drilled into me that I should never turn up to someone's house empty handed. I always do this and have drilled it into my kids and they also do the same. Even if my mate just invited me for a quick coffee, I always arrive with a packet of her favourite biscuits.

We were recently invited to a friend's bbq so ds went to the corner shop & bought chocolates and flowers. I didn't ask him to do this, he's seen me doing it enough times that he knew what was expected. We also individually followed up with a thank you afterwards.

Your relatives were rude and entitled, I wouldn't invite them back again.

Don’t be such a pushover.

Someone wants to bring a dog? You say no.

Someone wants to bring an extra person? You say no.

If you make it so easy for people to walk all over you then you cannot complain when they do.

If you invited 10 you should now be expecting at least 5 return invitations for lunch at their homes? See how they do. Don't forget to take your friends ( unannounced). Oh, and your dog.

When did you find out the extras were coming? If they randomly appeared I think I would have made it quite clear and would have probably been rude myself in saying quite loudly I wasn't expecting so many people, same with the dog.
I think I also would have made some dig about the plates and told people where to take them.

You sound like a lovely person and clearly a good host which they all took advantage of. If they mention doing it again it would definitely be a no.

If they never host and are never normally hosted by friends or rellies they probably don’t know you take something for the host. What’s very obvious in some households /families may not be in others

Why did you do this for relatives you're not close to. Dont do it again. Theyve been rude

@LetterBetter I'd 'only' invited 10 of them (I felt 10 was enough to cater for!) but then they invited 5 more between themselves.

Surely you don't mean they just turned up ?! Or did they tell you they were bringing more?

That’s incredibly rude - how did the meal go itself? Did they at least show some appreciation while gobbling down the food you went to so much trouble to produce? Did they say thank you as they left?

It’s so mean not to bring a bottle or chocs and dreadful not to help clear up or send a thank you text. Were they young adults? I think you have no idea how much effort a meal like that is until you’ve catered for other people yourself. Even so though, no excuse at all!

The lack of any effort even to take plates and glasses into the kitchen and the extra guests without asking is enough ill manners for me.

I agree! That's probably the worst bit of their entitled behaviour.

Did your guests have a nice time? They’ll probably have gone away with happy memories of your hospitality - even if they haven’t said so.

Yes, definitely this, too!

I think inviting other people to your do is astonishingly rude!

No, YANBU - that’s incredibly rude behaviour on their part. They should all have brought wine, chocolates and / or pudding. And most definitely should have said thank you.

No good deed goes unpunished it seems!

they do sound rude - however I would have directed a bit more if obvious no one going to help with clearing up.

meal finished - bob can you bring house plates thiroufh. Betty can you grab the glasses for me. James can you grab the left over meat and bring to the kitchen. might have helped people to realise a little help was in order.

Send them a bill

I grew up up north and moved down south,

in the south everyone takes presents to a meal someone else is hosting. It just seems to be the done thing.

I did it for a while for my parents and for pils and then my dad asked me why I was bringing stuff - Inwas family,

so I’d give them a pass on number 2.

Shocking. They obviously left their manners elsewhere. Usually someone volunteers in clean up- usually me. Lesson learned: under no circumstances are they invited again.

They were so rude, to not thank you. To turn up empty handed. To leave their plates and things about.

I would never do that, (but I have people in my family who would. I don't know why, but they just don't seem to get how hard someone has tried to do something special.)

YANBU. I agree entirely on points 2 and 3, I always do these as a guest, and appreciate when my guests do these too. Regarding point 1, I do return glasses and plates, but if the host insists that I should leave them and they will tidy up later, then I follow their lead. I always still say though ‘please let me know if I can help you with anything’.