Dh cannot stick to a budget

It also sounds really wasteful. I have quite a high income but I wouldn’t buy both breakfast and lunch out in a single day unless I was away from home and there was no other option.

It’s a luxury afforded to the rich only that they can avoid having to micromanage money

i agree with PP that a pretty instant response - cancelling the next set of planned activities - is the only one likely to work

The thing with consequences (ah, shame you spent £30 at the shop, now we can't afford MonkeyLand tommorow) is the speed at which they work!
Yes it is very hard on the other family members but hopefully only for a couple of times.
He needs to realise his thoughtless spending has an impact on the ones he loves- You being constantly stressed about keeping tabs on everything and/or dissapointing his children.
Every tiny thing is so expensive so parents have to be a team to have any chance nowadays!

I couldn’t get worked up over this . He’s given your DD a nice day out that is perfectly normal, and on his annual leave where he can spend quality time with her . Micro managing money is boring .

My DH can be like this. I opened Monzo and made 20 different budget pots. He’s still not great a budgeting and arising to it but what I love about Monzo is standing next to my DH at the checkout knowing he hasn’t bothered to look in advance how much is left in a specific pot - and it rejects his payment. Then he gas to grab his Apple Watch or phone and scroll through each digital card matched to other pots to see if he can find extra money elsewhere. This has half hit home. He’s not great but dear god I thank Monzo every day. I wished I’d moved to Monzo years ago.

Some people have no sense of direction, others always late. So the notion of money blindness be it ADHD or another cause is perfectly possible.

It is good to have an explanation. It doesn’t make it an excuse- he might need to see his budget in a more concrete way. I would be sitting him down and telling him that his current spending is selfish. He needs to have his monthly spend in real money. When it is gone it is gone. Y

Ah, consequences! Yes! He might sulk, but he needs to learn that if you spend all your money on this, there won’t be enough left enough for that.

You could pay cash only. Take put the amount of cash for the week, make sure he doesn't have access to any cards and then he can't overspend. It's easier to see how much money you've got when you can see the physical pile of cash.

It’s annoying. I am a strict budget this month, DH can be less mindful about it. He spent 20 on a toy and bought ice cream for himself and DS when I said ice cream only.
At the same time, money disappears these days, you’re not long burning through it while just having the basics and the odd coffee on a day out.
I fill my Stanley cup with tea.
It is tough.

I don’t do financially irresponsible men after having a dad who lost our house from under us and died penniless. Thing is, I’m actually quite like him in some ways. But I have learned to fight it.

Get your budget spreadsheet for the year out (I’m assuming you have one) and sit down with him every day to look at the money down to the penny every day. Accounts, income, outgoings, what bills you will pay this week and what can wait, the Christmas budget tab, the holiday savings, haircut and school uniform plans, predictions on when you’ll need to fuel the car, everything. It’s like weighing yourself every day.

When I was younger and online banking wasn’t around I used to have to build in a 10% contingency on my spreadsheet because I was so bad at thoughtless overspending. That’s got better as the access to realtime information has improved. But only by putting the information in front of my own face every single day did I start to get a handle on it. BTW I am considering asking for an ADHD assessment myself, though I have to say I think it would be borderline in my case.

In that case, have you sat down and budgetted together so he is bought into the budget itself? I think if he is for whatever reason (crap with money, head in sand, whatever) not aligned the first step is collective agreement to a defined budget - and that conversation will also give you a chance to point out the obvious like "yes dear, but if we spend like that we'll run out of money 2 weeks before payday" or whatever. Even if you're logically "right", if you share finances tou need to agree a shared budget really.

I’d be gone. I spent years checking we were compatible with stuff like this before we moved in.

It Sounds as if you have done all you can to make things clear. Does he have ADHD or a learning disability?

Whatever the reason it does sound as if you are being treated unfairly if he is out spending £££ and you are counting the pennies.

I wonder what he would suggest to ensure you all get a fair share of “fun budget”

Op he needs guard rails.
You need all your money sorted down to the last penny and his spending should be coming out of a spefic pot .
You need joint pots like starling where you both pay into monthly and spend from each pot accordingly no matter how small

Each need is broken down and saved for

Once you have lots accumulating he will get steadied. At the moment it's a free for all

Good luck.

This isn't a criticism, but do you budget because you need to or just because it's your habit? I ask because my BiL and SiL are like this, she budgets and he doesn't. Neither of them need to, but she likes to feel in control and he is more laid back. If you need to budget and he blows it, that's a different problem...

Fgs. He really is a knob isnt he. Take out week two and week three money. Keep them separate and away from him. Leave him the cash for this week alone.

What a selfish man. I could not live like this.
You could try separating your finances as much as possible and each have 50% of the spends in your control (shared account for bills and then independent accounts with equal spending money). Then if he spends all his available money, in the last week he can stay home whilst you and child go out and have fun. But to be honest that is a sticking plaster.
If he did not change substantially I would insist on a divorce in order to separate financially. Then I could be financially responsible for me and my child and know I am saving for their future and that bills will be paid. You could still remain together and be a couple but with a clean financial split.

Divide the weekly spending money in two. When he runs out, he runs out.
Ironically he may start budgeting accidentally in an effort to avoid spending his money in favour of yours.

So when you are out together he’s going to try and spend your fun money. You’ll say no. And he’s left with deciding whether to spend his.

Use cash.
Nothing concentrates the mind like knowing your weekly spending is limited to the amount in your purse. This is what I did years ago when dh was made redundant.

Daily budget? Use cash so he cant tap.