Dh cannot stick to a budget

"Tbf, sometimes one really fun day out is worth more than 5 days of you can only have an ice cream or a lolly."

Someone needs to dig out their copy of Swallows and Amazons.....

You didn’t answer even 1 of my many questions. You just wrote I have no idea and now eh?

I’m not assuming that but OP’s insistance makes me think it’s a bit repetitive, surely a book or a toy instead of 5 ice creams is a better deal? The child still has a summer holiday item to keep to remind them of a fun day.

If I don’t that’s kind of your fault for being skimpy on the details and dodging questions.

Wow your comment is tone deaf. Micro managing money is boring but not a choice or done for fun. It’s life for a lot of people who often choose between heating and eating.

I'm so torn on this. You sound incompatible in your values, which is going to eat away at you.

I am a bit like your DH in that I like to spend money and resent budgeting. Especially on holiday. I don't see a pastry and fast food as particularly indulgent, and would rather have what I want one day and scrimp the next 4?

But I also save/invest fairy aggressively the rest of the time and would be extremely unimpressed if DP started lecturing me on how I spent my money 🤔

What is his solution if you run out of money?

My DH would be the same. He’ll go to a cafe, restaurant, shop & spend double what I would on essentially the same thing. Doesn’t register how to work a menu or get a better deal. Then there’s his ridiculous tipping added on…

Men are visual creatures, maybe it'd help him to see how much he spends in actual numbers?

For instance, I recently noticed that I spend too much on eating out this summer. But I didn't really have an idea about how much I was spending in actual numbers. I decided to open a new bank account to which I transfer any money I'm thinking about spending on eating out, before I actually go out. At first, it didn't make sense but once the numbers added up, and I accumulated a decent saving, I find that I ask myself, "hmmm, would I find it more gratifying to see this savings grow, or spend the money on mediocre food that I can make better at home anyway?" a lot more. I'm telling you, seeing the numbers grow - and having a visual of what my whims would cost me - has really made me stop spending so much. It's so satisfying seeing my savings growing, and I think about better things I can spend the money on.

My DH is the same and I am seriously considering leaving him as it’s giving me the ick. He doesn’t seem to get it.

What he is doing g is actually stealing the fun from you, on top of leaving all the budgeting to you. Seems he thinks he is just there to have fun, while you are left to do the adulting.

and he doesn’t even see it. Or admit it.

And possibly little imagination if they assume you can't have a 'fun' day with only an ice cream or lolly!
Find a way to get your DH on board with the budget OP, you are completely rational about this, hope you enjoy the rest of the hols x

I think you’re a bit unreasonable.
Buying petrol surely doesn’t count against the summer going out, ice cream, activity budget? You’d be paying that expense anyway at some point. How much of the £70 was that? Deduct the petrol otherwise we should be saying you can’t hold to a budget and counting the petrol you bought…

I also think it’s weird to resent him buying a breakfast pastry, a book and a toy, and then KFC when you said that your budget included a bigger day out with lunch/dinner- all he has just done that bigger day out around a very cheap £6 event?

Or was the one bigger day out with a lunch meant to be with you? Not him? Is that why he says it’s not fair because money only gets spent when she is out with you?

Tbf, sometimes one really fun day out is worth more than 5 days of you can only have an ice cream or a lolly.

Budgeting is stressful and I do have to wonder if your budget was even realistic, £70 on a day out even without counting petrol (which must be at least half that) is really a shoestring budget for a fun day out.

I also wonder how your conversation went when they came home and if your DD overheard any of it? This is the kind of situation where the objective of FUN was achieved so the hit to the budget should be considered moving forward.

You won’t cope well otherwise when DD is moody 14yr old and all you fun ideas and money spent result in teen whinging and ungratefulness. Enjoy the fact you and your DH can create fun days for her and try and not spoil them afterwards by stressing over £70 (minus petrol)

What drives the budget and did you agree it together? If you agreed it together and/or not budgeting will mean you cant pay bills or eat yanbu, but if youve just arbitrarily decided it because you want to keep money for other non essentials yab a bit u because ideally you would decide together and agree whats important that way. Do you have joint accounts? Contribute equally? Etc these are all factors imo. My ex was like you but it became controlling - he decided ice cream van was too expensive so we would get a pack of ice creams from the supermarket on the way home for example - for me yes its cheaper but id rather pay more and have the ice cream there and then when I was hot - we would argue because my point was why does one person get to decide over another.

I am not saying this is you, just that there is not enough information

my ex was like this - but worse. He would get paid his monthly salary and by day 3 his direct debits were bouncing.

He wouldn’t agree to a joint bank account and joint finances mainly because he didn’t want me to see what he was spending on. In the end I’m glad we never did that.

The thing is that even though he had spent his money you might think that I was fine, but it was me bailing him out and so it was just as hard on me financially meant I was worse off for the rest of the month through no fault of my own

im afraid he will never change op some people are just not wired that way to be financially responsible - just protect yourself as much as you can from it!

I would try to sit down with him and resolve to put this blowout £70 day behind you and try to stick to the budget going forwards. Perhaps next time you get ice cream, maybe get it just for your dd (disclaimer: I don’t even like ice cream!). Or cut the coffees down as they’ve become hideously expensive. To offset the 70.

I come from a large family and so as kids we absolutely never ever got coffee/icecream “at random” on days out because there were so many of us it was unaffordable.

this country has become miserable though with just existing becoming so expensive. Two working people with one child ought to be able to have coffee and ice cream.

Would the money actually run out? There’s a big difference between having a big savings cushion and dipping into it a bit to relax and enjoy the holidays and being stressed you won’t actually be able to pay the mortgage/bills as a result of the overspending. I’d hate it personally if as a grown adult I was being told I couldn’t have a croissant or buy DD a magazine but if things are really tight for you and he doesn’t listen to reason I get how your strict approach makes sense. Monzo is good for budget pots- might be worth taking a look. My SIL has ADHD and swears by it.

He’s probably only going to learn the hard way when the money has run out. My hubby used to be like this & I let the shit hit the fan a few times, he soon realised and we are on the same page much more now, it’s much less stressful and less arguments about money when you can discuss it.

This

like his Tabacco

The thing is, impulse issues do make a difference. But when you’re aware of it you need to plan around it. Only take some of the money. Know where you’re going to feed the children.