My brother was horrid to me last night

Ate they more important than you? It’s his fault not yours. But stop telling him stuff, he doesn’t need to know about your holiday or flu. Unless in a twisted way you are getting him to react so you feel justified in not having g anything to do with him and you can show your parents? . Bit of a scab you pick? Understandable totally but not needed just don’t see him.

OP did his mum stay with her affair partner ? Does he have any half siblings on his mum’s side. If so, is he vile to them too ?

The reason he feels entitled to comment about your life is because you still live at home. He sees your parents house as an extension of himself. The only way to make it stop is to move out.

OP hasn’t had their dad all to herself though. She says brother lived with them until she was around six, and then left to live with his mum. He would have been around twenty given the age gap, so a free choice. And according to OP it wasn’t his dad who left. His mum had an affair and his dad tried to repair things for the children but she left anyway. So if there’s any resentment on DB’s part, it should be directed at his own mother, not OP or their dad.

What a bellend, he sounds like an all around unpleasant person with issues who is maybe jealous of you. Good for dad being angry with him. What an idiot he is. Sorry you went through that.

He clearly is abusive and you see your role in life as to accept that.

How your parents, your mother would tolerate this is beyond me.

He abuses you verbally because he can.

You are ripe for a highly abusive relationship if you think this is what you have to accept from those around you to keep the peace.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk as a start.
Look at some therapy, perhaps through work.

Your brother is a bullying thug and you accepting it has egged him on.

This is a shocking way to live.
He can visit anytime and verbally attack you in your home.

Awful.

So not a net contributor. Won’t be paying enough tax to mitigate what he takes out of the system himself, so why is he picking at you ?

Taken me a long time to get to this point, to be fair, but I take the view now that if you wouldn't accept that shit from a friend or acquaintance, why should you from a family member?

He can think what he likes. Doesn't mean he's right. Certainly doesn't mean he has the right to browbeat you.

And you said???? I take it you didn’t let him get away with it?

He sounds like an absolute wanker.

Mumsnet loves a ‘go no contact’ but I totally appreciate why that isn’t always straightforward. It sounds as though he probably wouldn’t go out of his way to see you so I would probably just avoid initiating anything, and conveniently have plans if you know he is due to visit your parents. If you happen to cross paths then cordial but detached is probably the best way forwards. No need to make a big announcement or make things awkward for anyone.

Let your dad deal with it. He raised him, let him teach the little turd the error of his ways.

Were your parents present? I would have a LOT to say if either of my kids spoke that way to anyone, regardless of their ages, and especially to eachother.

Who does he think he is commenting on your life choices?!

You need to stop caring what he thinks, telling him your business and your rental payments are between you and your parents.

He is possibly very jealous? But definitely extremely nasty and misogynistic.

I really admire this Op.

I think you need to work out how to minimise contact with your brother in a manner that minimises involvement/impact on your parents given that it’s important to you.

I would try to minimise actually being around him as much as possible. So go out for a walk etc if he comes over. I also wouldn’t engage with him on any of the 3 topics. He’s not going to suddenly see the error of his ways so I wouldn’t waste my breath. I’d wager he is carrying a lot of baggage from his youth, nothing you can do about that.

I would shut him down though - I’d don’t know why you feel entitled to all these opinions on my life, I’m not interested or whatever wording fits. No big debates about the NHS or whatever just block the conversation.

Your brother is a cunt.
I bet £100 your parents are fully aware of this.

Have nothing to do with him. What does he bring to your life. And you are also not responsible for managing the feelings of your parents at the expense of your own.

oh where is that laugh emoji😁

He needs a refund on his charm school fees

OP why are you even needing to ask?

It is very hard when a sibling takes against you. For no apparent reason. I say apparent but then again….

I wouldn’t spend too much time taking his comments to heart. Ignore them. Tell him to mind his own business. And ask him why does he want to hurt you ?

Bear in mind this could be some sort of calculated campaign.

I would urge you to talk to your parents about any Will they have.
That they appoint a Solicitor to be the executor. If your father appoints you both, to be an executor you can go to a Solicitor to oversee things. Hugely helpful.

Far ahead, yes. But it just be that maybe this is in your brothers mind too. Especially if this nastiness has just started not too long ago.

Please ensure your father doesn’t make him a Power of Attorney at some point. Explain all to this and your concerns. A Solicitor can be a POA too.
Up to your parents of course, but do outline your concerns.

AIBU to just not want to see him again any time soon?

It would be abnormal to want to be this angry little man's punching bag.

Might you consider sending him an email with a concerned veneer, dispassionately recapping what happened so he cannot forward the email without embarrassment, and including a couple of links to paranoia support and anger management techniques type websites, that “a colleague at work” suggested? At best he might investigate, second best is it will really get up his nose.

”Freeloading piece of shit” is unacceptable. Relationship over for ever surely, but it would be great if you could tell people the reason and quote him directly, rather than politely change the subject to protect this arse but I do understand it would be as if the universe was splitting. (I wish I had followed my own advice when in similar situation, maybe we are both a bit boiled frog?.) Interesting he chose a time when your father wasn’t there. I had a brother that was equally furious at my existence, keen to convey his hatred and greenlit for doing so by the rest of the family. It turned out it was largely fuelled by lies from another family member.

Anyway, so very sorry you did not have the kind of brother you deserve. He wants you out of that house, doesn’t he. First freeloading accusations to shame you into moving out, then saying you are contemptuous for not having a partner (in whose house you could conveniently go and live). I wonder why.

Sounds like he hates his life and is projecting this at you. What a loser he is.

How about this, @youdeserveit - "Actually brother, I pay tax too - so by your logic, I am self-employed and can have a holiday whenever I want - thanks for the good advice!!"

I know where you are coming from op not wanting drama and upset for your parents
I think your best option is low contact. You can do that without the drama of no contact.
Also prepare yourself when you do have to see him be becoming emotionally detached as far as possible. If/when he does upset you don't allow him to see/know.
This takes the power away from him.
He will have his own issues for sure. Parents split at about six, whoever was at fault, new baby half sibling during emotionally turbulent ten years. None of his issues are your fault and if he lived with you during those years your mum and your/his dad must have cared and made him welcome but he probably has unspoken issues. You can't help that but I find somehow knowing that helps the low contact go more smoothly. 💐

Sorry my sausage fingers pressed the wrong button, I DO NOT think you are unreasonable!