Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother was horrid to me last night

262 replies

youdeserveit · 09/08/2026 18:08

I’m keeping this slightly vague as it would be very outing if a select few people read it!

I have a brother who is significantly older than I am. My existence has always been a sore point for him.

I saw him yesterday and in the space of about three hours he was just absolutely vile to me:

  • I’m non clinical in the NHS. He thinks that “people like me” are the reason the NHS is “fucked” - because I’m taking ten days holiday. It was really quite nasty, he went on and on about how it shouldn’t be allowed, how people in the public sector are lazy and don’t want to work. Never mind that he’s off on a three week holiday in December!
  • I live at home. He called me a “freeloading piece of shit” because I’m not paying £1,000 a month rent. He lived at home until a similar age, and when he did move out he moved into a friend’s house where he paid for bills and food only. I have had a discussion with my parents today and they have reassured me that they do not feel this way.
  • He said he thinks it’s “utterly pathetic” that I travel alone. He thinks I should grow up and, in his words, “find a man” to travel with.

AIBU to just not want to see him again any time soon? I found it really hurtful. I do struggle sometimes with feeling a little insecure about my position in life, but I also have to reflect on the fact that the economy is not easy right now and I know that all of my friends are in the same situation.

OP posts:
youalright · 09/08/2026 18:19

I mean its your brother do you really need to see him. I actually like my brother and I don't think I've seen him for well over a year

Arlanymor · 09/08/2026 18:16

I'm not sure why you would want to talk to him again after that. What nasty bile.

WallaceinAnderland · 09/08/2026 18:16

Well for some reason he does seem to really resent you. It sounds unlikely that you'll ever get along so it's probably best just to not have anything to do with him at all.

Is there any need for you to be in each other's company in the future?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/08/2026 18:14

Ah, he's just a twat. A nasty, little twat who wants you to feel small.

Don't bother putting yourself through the hassle of interacting with him again.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2026 18:14

Avoid him completely then!

And lone travelling is cool. Awesome women do it.

youdeserveit · 09/08/2026 18:14

WallaceinAnderland · 09/08/2026 18:13

Do you pay any rent? Perhaps he feels that your parents favoured you over him.

Yes, I do. The amount isn’t his business, and he lived rent free with both our dad, and his mum, before moving in with his friends.

OP posts:
youdeserveit · 09/08/2026 18:13

Octavia64 · 09/08/2026 18:12

His third point is ridiculous full stop.

his second point - it’s bloody hard these days with the cost of living. My dd is living with me while she gets started and most of her friends are also living with their parents.

his first point - of course the nhs needs non clinical staff.

he sounds unpleasant.

His first point isn’t that the NHS has non clinical staff, it’s that we’re allowed time off! He basically sat there and gave me a long rant about how his “fucking tax money” is paying for my holiday, he’s paying my wages blah blah blah

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 09/08/2026 18:13

Do you pay any rent? Perhaps he feels that your parents favoured you over him.

Octavia64 · 09/08/2026 18:12

His third point is ridiculous full stop.

his second point - it’s bloody hard these days with the cost of living. My dd is living with me while she gets started and most of her friends are also living with their parents.

his first point - of course the nhs needs non clinical staff.

he sounds unpleasant.

youdeserveit · 09/08/2026 18:11

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2026 18:11

I went no contact with mine for a blissful couple of years. Upset my parents though.

How would yours feel?

Based on their reactions to what I told them, I think they’d be justified. My dad is just about talked down from giving my him a smack!

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 09/08/2026 18:11

Did you tell your parents what he called you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2026 18:11

I went no contact with mine for a blissful couple of years. Upset my parents though.

How would yours feel?