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AIBU?

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Original poster

not invited to SIL Hen Party

54 replies

Sosleepy66 · 09/08/2026 17:11

Aibu to feel upset about not being invited to Hen Party? My DH's brother (my BIL) got married recently. DH was invited to the Stag Party. I had no problem with him going to his brother's stag. It was the same day as the Hen Do and both parties merged in the evening. My DH was the only person not with their partner in the evening. I was not invited to any part of the Hen Party. I only found out by chance the next day. I do not get along with BIL, or his now wife, so I never expected to be invited to the Hen Party, but everyone in the evening was a couple except my DH. Would it have been respectful to invite me? I wouldn't have gone anyway, so why do I feel hurt?

We all went to the wedding, which was a very small event (as we're not a big family) but it was so awkward and very unpleasant, even DH and MIL agree.

OP posts:
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PepsiBook · 09/08/2026 21:20

Why would she invite you when you don't get on?!

BruFord · 09/08/2026 21:15

I wouldn't overthink this, you don't like them, your DH only tolerates his brother, and presumably they feel the same about you both.

Going forward, if you don't particularly want them coming to something that you organize, don't invite them. Life's too short to spend with people whom you don't like!

Aligirlbear · 09/08/2026 21:11

You say you wouldn’t have gone anyway. You don’t get along with her or your BIL so I think you are giving it far too much headspace. Personally I would have felt it a merciful release that I didn’t have to send a decline as I hadn’t been invited 🙂 I would have taken that as a win. The bride can invite / not invite whoever she likes which may or may not include in laws.

ThisCraftyAquaHedgehog · 09/08/2026 21:00

Errm
It would be normal to invite a brother and would be odd if your hubby hadn't been invited.
It would NOT be normal to invite a SIL and certainly not one you don't get along with. It would have been really odd if she had invited you.

You are being completely unreasonable.

VickyEadie · 09/08/2026 20:45

Sosleepy66 · 09/08/2026 17:35

My DH tolerates his brother, they are not friends. We always includes his brother & SIL in family occasions that we plan (DH says it's the right thing to do), yet BIL & SIL can pick and chose, DH and I have both been excluded from many events. True it was a relief I didn't have to go to the Hen Party, no love lost !! I suppose this wasn't a "family" event. Thanks for the replies

Edited

Why are you upset? You don't LIKE them.

LlynTegid · 09/08/2026 20:39

Any unreasonableness seems to be to have been to your DH, if he did not know beforehand that the stag and hen dos would meet at some point. So he could have been prepared for any questions as to why you were not there.

I see no value in sending an invitation to someone who you don't get on with, who probably would wish to decline it anyway.

TY78910 · 09/08/2026 20:36

You don’t like her, she clearly knows that. So YABU.

nomas · 09/08/2026 19:47

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 09/08/2026 18:00

I disagree. It's supposed to be a happy occasion, no way would I invite someone who didn't like me or my future husband. OP wouldn't have even accepted the invitation so clearly wasn't bothered her DP was the only one not in a couple anyway.

Show quote history

But the BIL and SIL are happy to attend OP’s events and eat and drink so it seems weird that they suddenly remember they don’t get on with OP when it’s an event where they invite all other couples except OP.

CatamaranViper · 09/08/2026 19:21

I get on with my SIL and didn't invite her or my MIL to my hen party. They aren't my friends

Thebinisrightthere · 09/08/2026 18:56

YABU. You wouldn't have gone anyway!

Walkacrossthesand · 09/08/2026 18:54

I know it’s history now, but did your DH consider making his excuses and leaving the evening ‘merged gathering’ when he was the only one there without his DW?

Gardenisablooming · 09/08/2026 18:44

I wasn't invited to sil's hen party. I went to the wedding but my dd wasn't invited. Wish I hadn't gone either..
Twas a sign the whole lot of them were a bunch of twats.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/08/2026 18:44

Stop inviting them to stuff then! The high road is for mugs and doormats.

DaisyChain505 · 09/08/2026 18:42

“Am I being unreasonable for not being invited to the hen do of someone I don’t get along with?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/08/2026 18:41

YABU. You don't get along with his brother or his now wife yet you wonder why you were not invited to her hen???

And in the same breath you say the wedding was awkward, shouldn't that mean you're glad you were not invited to the hen and had to endure an awkward evening with people you don't like or get along with???

What am I missing here?

OttersOnAPlane · 09/08/2026 18:39

I do not get along with BIL, or his now wife, so I never expected to be invited to the Hen Party

You've answered your own question. Of course she isn't going to invite someone who doesn't like her to her Hen Party. Who would?

JulMay6 · 09/08/2026 18:36

I was thinking YANBU to be upset until I saw you don’t get on with her or BIL. Well of course YABU.

Happytaytos · 09/08/2026 18:34

You can't be pissy about something everyone knows you'd never have gone to anyway!

JustAnotherWhinger · 09/08/2026 18:32

Sosleepy66 · 09/08/2026 17:35

My DH tolerates his brother, they are not friends. We always includes his brother & SIL in family occasions that we plan (DH says it's the right thing to do), yet BIL & SIL can pick and chose, DH and I have both been excluded from many events. True it was a relief I didn't have to go to the Hen Party, no love lost !! I suppose this wasn't a "family" event. Thanks for the replies

Edited

You and your DH can also “pick and choose” - your DH chooses to invite them every time. That’s his choice and doesn’t obligate them to do the same.

If you openly dislike them to the point their wedding was awkward they clearly only invited you to that for the sake of family peace, quite possibly for your MIL’s sake, so zero point in inviting you to other bits that neither you nor your SIL want to attend together.

Wadsworthy · 09/08/2026 18:29

But you don’t like your SiL!

And how was the wedding “awkward” unless you forgot your manners? You were at the wedding - it was your duty as a guest to behave graciously and wish the bride and groom well.

Pistachiocake · 09/08/2026 18:27

In-laws have always been at everyone I've been too-but then I've never known a bride have a problem with her SIL (at least before the wedding), and describe the wedding as awkward.
For your husband's sake, try to sort this out, if it's going to keep upsetting you. Talk it out with her.

Everleigh13 · 09/08/2026 18:26

Clydebuilt · 09/08/2026 17:21

You weren’t invited to a hen party of a woman you don’t like and, even if you HAD been invited, you wouldn’t have gone?? What exactly are you moaning about?

Absolutely this! You didn’t want to go and wouldn’t have gone anyway. You risk making drama with your DH’s family for no reason when you should just let it go.

Cannesdo · 09/08/2026 18:25

Neolara · 09/08/2026 17:20

In my experience , hen dos are for friends of the bride, not family of the groom. I don't think it's unusual or insulting for you not to have been invited.

I agree

Millytante · 09/08/2026 18:23

Sosleepy66 · 09/08/2026 17:35

My DH tolerates his brother, they are not friends. We always includes his brother & SIL in family occasions that we plan (DH says it's the right thing to do), yet BIL & SIL can pick and chose, DH and I have both been excluded from many events. True it was a relief I didn't have to go to the Hen Party, no love lost !! I suppose this wasn't a "family" event. Thanks for the replies

Edited

No, it wasn’t a family event in terms of inviting any of her future in laws. A hen fo is surely her last shout as a single woman, and thus emphatically NOT to do with the groom’s side of the family.
I realise things have drifted these days and inviting every woman you ever knew is common, but basically, a hen do is all about the bride, and not about her showing ‘respect’ to members of her beloved’s side.

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 09/08/2026 18:16

You don’t like her. Why would she invite you to her hen? I actually have a similar situation coming up as BIL is getting married and there is absolutely no love lost between his partner and I. I’m really hoping that she DOESN’T invite me out of some sort of obligation and politeness - I won’t want to be there, she won’t want me there. What’s the point?

Unfortunately I invited her to mine so she may feel she should reciprocate…but that was 3 years ago before she showed her true colours