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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

263 replies

FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 11:45

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

OP posts:
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Pssedoffathis · 09/08/2026 13:36

have you got a local food bank? You could use that for a few weeks and use the money saved on food for some uniform.
also you can get super cheap shirts and trousers now from Asda and Amazon etc. As long as he has these then he won’t look too out of place if it takes you a while to sort the blazer for example. But definitely contact the school to let them know and they might have spares or some funds available to help. Ours does.

waterrat · 09/08/2026 13:35

Personally 8 strongly believe we need to get rid of all branded uniforms and replace with something like many primaries do - ie. Black trousers and plain blue jumper

fashionqueen0123 · 09/08/2026 13:34

FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 11:57

Ok I will do that thank you very much ,do you no of all schools help or does it depend on there policy

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are you entitled to free school meals? Our schools give parents £200 towards uniform
in year 7. Email the school if you are and ask.

Nuffalready · 09/08/2026 13:34

Hi OP, all the schools my kids have attended have had PTA, sometimes just PAs, who organise regular pre-loved uniform sales. The school or the school website will have an email contact for the volunteers or PA chair. I did this for a friend who’s son transferred in year ( to a different school to my kids) and my friend ended up meeting a dad from the PA near the school car park one evening and was offered a whole range of uniform, including PE kit, with the option of making a donation to the PTA if able, no problem if not, and very sensitively dealt with.I have always volunteered at my kids schools uniform sales and I suggest going forward you do the same, it’s worthwhile and you can pick up your own kids stuff at the same time for bargain prices eg blazers are £5, most other things one or two pounds. Good Luck!

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:34

Plantpot75 · 09/08/2026 13:31

Not sure if already mentioned, but if you get universal credit you can get an advance for school uniform.

I have already asked then but as I’m repaying one already I’m not eligible for another one

OP posts:
waterrat · 09/08/2026 13:33

Op is the blazer optional or not. My sons school it's optional. It will be warm in September he won't need a coat or blazer yet.

Please contact the school they will be used to dealing with this. All schools have 2nd hand uniforms in the building.

When my son lost his jumper the pastoral team gave him one from their 2nd hand cupboard. They can help you

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:32

NoWordForFluffy · 09/08/2026 12:06

Our local charity shop refused a donation of barely worn uniform the other day. Really frustrating.

If OP's son was coincidentally going to that school, I have the full lot she can have.

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Maybe your in a area where they get to much donations I don’t no why they wouldn’t take it ,it seems like a lot of people struggle with uniform

OP posts:
Plantpot75 · 09/08/2026 13:31

Not sure if already mentioned, but if you get universal credit you can get an advance for school uniform.

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:30

spokenorchid · 09/08/2026 12:16

Are you new to Mumsnet? This happens all the time. Someone posts to say they’re in some kind of trouble and someone always comes along to point out how much better they are/that would never happen to them/whatever happened was their own fault.

There’s a reason Mumsnet has the reputation it does.

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Very true unfortunately always someone to kick someone else when they are down

OP posts:
Bananacrepewithnuts · 09/08/2026 13:29

Your messages to the school wouldn't have been answered if the office staff don't work through the hols.
The school will defo be able to help in Sep.
Blazer tie etc what ever it is that you are missing.

Even if they loan you until you can get some donated bits thru FB or other families at the school.

Wishing you and your children all the best.
X

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:29

beeautifullif3 · 09/08/2026 12:38

Anxiety and depression is no reason to not be working , you are purposely putting yourself and your children in this financial situation, it is massively unfair on your children, you need to get a job asap

I think this is very unfair as you do not no the situation we are in my ex husband was a tyrant the damage he has caused to all of us is extreme not that I’m obligated to answer to you benefits are a safety net for this kind of situation I plan on getting a job when I’m mentally and physically ready and when my children can cope my 15 year old isn’t in education atm due to a lot of struggles he has and looking after him is a full time job in it’s self I don’t understand people like you honestly I hope you don’t have any rough times ahead because you will definitely be in for a shock

OP posts:
Fedupmumofadultsons · 09/08/2026 13:26

Did you not get your school grant everyone on universal credits get a one of payment for school uniforms every year .usually around £100 it may vary county to county but the average is £100 and he should get free school meals

icingonmycupcake · 09/08/2026 13:26

FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:21

I know I need to get a job and I am not relying on benefits long term I also don’t expect everything on a plate but there has been a tremendous amount of damage done to myself and my children which we are working through together and benefits are there to help as a safety net at times like this thankyou for sticking up for me and understanding some people just don’t get it ❤️

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You're more than welcome sweetheart.

Happy to see how much excellent advice you're getting on this thread. 🌸

amyds2104 · 09/08/2026 13:22

Also there are staff in schools. The whole teachers lounge around for 6 weeks is a myth. I work in safeguarding and we can always speak to someone in the school if needed xx

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:22

Dreamer2525 · 09/08/2026 13:17

Call the school and ask for the head of year 7 or the SLT Pastoral / Wellbeing to give you a call on their first day back. SLT should be in this Wed/Thursday with results day on Thursday.

I assume you have already asked admin staff at the school if there is a school run or PTFA run uniform bank?

Yes I have but have had no reply as of yet thank you

OP posts:
Sereine · 09/08/2026 13:21

Are all the children in college still living with you? Is there any reason why they haven't got vacation jobs?

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:21

icingonmycupcake · 09/08/2026 13:10

Do you feel better after posting this? Did it help quell your righteous indignation? Berating a woman who's managed to get herself and her kids out of an abusive situation but has been left with some psychological battle scars that are currently limiting her capacity to work.

Better hope karma doesn't come knocking, hon. It usually finds a way.

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I know I need to get a job and I am not relying on benefits long term I also don’t expect everything on a plate but there has been a tremendous amount of damage done to myself and my children which we are working through together and benefits are there to help as a safety net at times like this thankyou for sticking up for me and understanding some people just don’t get it ❤️

OP posts:
amyds2104 · 09/08/2026 13:21

Omg please do not do this OP! Sorry you are having a rough time of it but please explain to school what is happening and your situation! Schools have funding for situations like this and can also support your son in school with other things if needed. They can also ensure you can access food banks if needed! There’s often no judgement as it’s sadly such a common thing now days. Good luck xx

Canonlythinkofthisone · 09/08/2026 13:20

73 quid a month left over after bills and shopping is more than I have and I work 🤣🤣
Shirts are 3 quid for 2 in asda at the moment. Trousers are 5 pounds.
Depending on your schools rules, will determine the rest. Jumper, blazer, tie etc
The school will have some. It will be fine. Promise.

Joyunlimited · 09/08/2026 13:20

FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:17

No I haven’t I’m not aware of any as he’s just about to join

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I was thinking of primary school ones, either for him or your younger children.

Maray1967 · 09/08/2026 13:18

FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:16

Yes another poster recommended going in on results day thankyou

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If the school teaches A levels as well there should be staff in this Thursday (13th).

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:17

Ethelspagetti · 09/08/2026 13:16

Could you post on face book for your area asking if anyone is selling second hand blazer and jumper for that school in size x? I bet they would give them to you. I’ve gifted lots of uniform to strangers on fb and to pe kits to the school.

I already have a few people came forward but then never replied to my pm

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 09/08/2026 13:17

And hopefully the school will have a second hand collection. Where I invigilate the school is great at supporting families and has a stock of blazers, ties and school shoes for both sexes that it can provide.

Original poster
FastMintSheep · 09/08/2026 13:17

Joyunlimited · 09/08/2026 13:13

Have you been in any class WhatsApp groups? Posting there might help - some of the families might have got outgrown uniform from older siblings, , or might know where to find secondhand uniform.

Edited

No I haven’t I’m not aware of any as he’s just about to join

OP posts:
Dreamer2525 · 09/08/2026 13:17

Call the school and ask for the head of year 7 or the SLT Pastoral / Wellbeing to give you a call on their first day back. SLT should be in this Wed/Thursday with results day on Thursday.

I assume you have already asked admin staff at the school if there is a school run or PTFA run uniform bank?

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