AIBU to not want to give a bottle to our EBF baby to benefit my partner?

Mine was cup fed expressed milk from birth. You get these little sterile cups and either the baby laps like a cat or you can gently pour to encourage them to sip. It doesn't interfere with breastfeeding. Mine never had a bottle.

Once we hit six months we started using regular cups without lids and by nine months they could drink out of a cup on their own.

Your BF needs to realise that babies that small really don't spend a great deal of time away from their Mum.

Do what is best for you and your baby. Anybody else comes second to that.

Please don't give in OP. Your BF is being utterly selfish. Baby isn't a prop or toy for him to show off to his mates. He will have plenty of opportunity to bond as baby gets older. Breastfeeding is so beneficial to both baby and mother, and I agree that introducing a bottle can start to interfere with success of BFing.
Please stick to your guns one this one.

My wife EBFed our kids, and it did feel sad during that time that I couldn’t feed my baby, by that all changed as soon as we started solids, and that was my role, and I loved it, and genuinely our babies started to see me differently when I started feeding them; they would settle more easily, be less sad to be handed to me from their mum.
OP’s partner should realise that’s just a temporary phase, and there’s a thousand other roles and responsibilities and ways to care for you kids in the years ahead

He thinks because he earns more it should be his decision how baby is fed??? This does not bode well for the future Op, does he try to exert his control over other areas too?

It isn't small. Its huge. I wish my ebf had gone this well and I wouldn't be interfering with a good bf relationship just so Dad can give him a bottle down the bloody pub!! The baby doesn't have to milk the bottle. He has to work for his breast milk. I think it changes the feeding relationship. Everytime I supplemented with a bottle it was the start of a slippery slope to ending bfeeding.

No no no! You are not being unreasonable! You are doing what's best for your baby and he wants to be selfish.
You don't get to do whatever you want to with a baby, they must come first!

I have a 4 month old and I was very upset that I wasn't able to breastfeed or even express for a number of reasons.

Expressing is horrible and doesn't work for everyone. Also, your body produces different types of milk depending on the time of day and if the baby has a cold etc so direct contact with the breast is the ideal.

My baby is formula fed and I'm aware that it gives me a certain amount of "freedom" but I'd give that up in a second to have a good breastfeeding capability like you have!

No shade to ladies making other choices, but this should be the mother's decision and hers alone. Boyfriend needs to grow up and maybe read up on how important and special what you are doing actually is.

With all due respect, you're 9 months in. Talk to me when your child is pushing 3 and nearly every child her age is still going to bed with a bottle but you have to be there for every single nighttime.
I've loved the connection ebf-ing brought but if I could turn back the clock I'd have gotten a bottle into her around 8 weeks so that she could have learned how to suck from one. Then there would be an option on the rare occasions, like my best friend's wedding, where I could have actually been properly present. She's was almost 2 for that particular event.

Delighted the breastfeeding is going so well for you and baby - the only 2 people who count in the matter. Stick to your guns OP.

Its only till baby is about 6 months then its weaning. He can surely wait till then if he wants to feed baby. As you say you'll be the one doing the work he just wants the easy bit of hold a bottle. I wouldnt tbh. I've breastfed 5 kids, 2 mixed fed as that fitted them better. Not us but the baby.

6 months of exclusive breastfeeding*

Do not compromise on this. He wants to peacock parent. He wants to display his feathers in front of everyone to show how magnificent he is and then leave you to do the rest.

It’s A BABY. Breastfeeding is the best way to feed them, and if that’s working for the mum then no decent dad should have a problem with that. It’s best for the baby, and that’s what parents should be focussed on.

There are many benefits (health wise for you and baby) to continue to exclusively breastfeed. Even if it was expressing it would add more things for you to juggle. He is being unreasonable, don’t do it and be the one who chooses in this respect. I have exclusively breastfed my first til 2yo when I got pregnant and my milk stopped and currently Bf my 14 month old. Neither of them had a bottle until they went to nursery when I started expressing once at work so they can have a bottle there. I’m so glad never had to deal with the bottles/sterilising stuff and best thing I’ve done for myself and them. My partner wouldn’t dare getting involved in that tbf (at the end of the day it’s easier for him like this!)

@Allswellthatendswelll See her latest update though, he's been helpful and hasn't mentioned bottles at all. I think it's going to be OK.

This isn't a family chosing to combi feed because it works for them though. This is a man dictating to a woman about when and how to feed her own baby with her own body. In my opinion it's the same as dictating how she can give birth or her reproductive decisions. It isn't a small difference of opinion it's a massive red flag.

So you'd be doing more work and going to expense to buy bottles etc? Fuck that, the halfarsed tosser. Xxx

Yes, the father of the baby can be involved by making sure the mother is fed nutritious food, and has lots of rest.

He can take over housework, laundry, meal planning, shopping, and cooking, and he can emotionally support the mother by doing all of that without being prompted, given a list of instructions, or a round of applause for behaving like a grownup.

He can change baby's nappy, bath baby, massage baby, do skin to skin with baby etc and feed baby when he starts solids. He can be involved in many ways.

He doesn't even change nappies.

@Allswellthatendswelll I think we can all agree that different approaches suit different families.

That's why I advised the OP not to get too frustrated with her partner about his ideas about bottles and where the baby sleeps. He's had a different life experience to her and perhaps his old friends in France are bringing up their children this way.

From her latest update, it sounds as if he's starting to understand what's needed, they'll get there,

There's another thread here where a 30 weeks pregnant woman, experiencing a difficult pregnancy, is being excoriated for not having the capacity to emotionally support her sister who is experiencing the pain of infertility.

Apparently there is nothing so special about pregnancy that 'entitles' a woman to be 'selfish'.

We have been so conditioned to put everyone else ahead of our own needs and deny our own strength that we can't see the deliberate attacks on us for what they are. Women sticking the boot in and shaming other women for putting themselves first and standing up for themselves should take a long, hard look at themselves.

We are not universal mothers and we do not owe the world and its uncle Barney any emotional labour.

Why do other people have to feed the baby though?

I'm baffled by the attitude that babies must take a bottle!

If you can breastfeed easily (which I appreciate not everyone can) it's massively easy and convinient. Whereas pumping and trying to coax them into having a bottle is a massive faff. So it's not really that helpful compared to putting the washing out or changing a nappy or hundreds of other things you can do instead.

It's normal to be with and want to be your baby for the first six months plus. I was able to start leaving mine for longer periods after that as they started weaning and was back at work at 10 months with no bottles needed. Didn't find it particularly hard to do with more than one child also.

The baby is doing perfectly well as things stand. Why try to fix what's not broken?

He's not a toy everyone should have a turn with.

The breastfeeder?! Surely both parents can be involved.

No-one has suggested she stop bf, rather express occasionally as many women do or have done which enables other people to feed the baby.

But, why should she? The breastfeeder calls the shots.