AIBU to not want to give a bottle to our EBF baby to benefit my partner?

Dads can be involved without feeding a baby. There are loads of other ways to bond.

I wish people with stop this nonsense about feeding being the best or only way to bond.

You can get wearable pumps for 1/4 of the price of a non wearable one at a baby store on Amazon. The cheap ones worked for me pumping full time when I needed it. You can definitely use it for ad hoc occasions when you need a bottle to go out. There is also Facebook market place if needed.

If you get the right sized pump it's not bad. Just mimics baby sucking but takes practice and finding the right pump mode.

I'm just saying my opinion. If you want an involved dad you need to let him try to manage the baby and be part of the kid's child raising decisions. Training the baby to use a bottle can also be good for grandparents to help look after the baby as well when mum needs a break.

Agreed. The Victorians have more to answer for than lightbulbs and trains, unfortunately. Total crock of shite.

See also the prevailing science on Infant Pain up until the late 1900s.

I EBF'd both mine and continued BF until they were two. The oldest would never take a bottle or a dummy and I didn't bother trying with the second. I'm pleased to say that what you have outlined here is nothing like my experience.

OP could go out for a coffee right now without the baby and it would be fine for an hour or two.

Any time now, the baby will learn to feed more efficiently and will settle down into more of a routine, allowing OP longer breaks.

Around 6 months the baby will be starting solids and taking liquids from a cup and will no longer be reliant on OP for all her sustenance. Once solids are well established, OP can go out for the whole day or have an evening out without worrying.

Fathers and other care givers need to learn other ways of settling the baby - it's really not difficult (as long as mum isn't around smelling of milk). I'm learning it now with my granddaughter and finding it a helluva lot easier than I ever found trying to express milk.

I have never, ever regretted EBF or failing to get them onto a bottle.

Protect your BF routine op.

@gratedcheeseandham

He says he brings in the money (especially now I’m on maternity), so he ‘shouldn’t have to’ worry about anything else.

WTAF?! Anything? Yeah, cos that’s fair. Sounds like you’ve nipped that in the bud, well done!

BF grew up with a stay at home mum and working dad.

Sure, this will shape his viewpoint, as will culture. The French are very supportive to getting mums back into work, but, that doesn’t mean neglecting their early development and security. And as a nation, we don’t have that. Even he must realise we’re not in the 1950’s anymore! Was his dad a lazy, arrogant, arse?

Sounds like mum was a flea in his ear. Own room already? He’s only 8 weeks and your breastfeeding!!

This made me laugh. In a cynical sort of way. Thanks for typing this out

Sorry in advance, I've read all OP posts but not all the replies so may be repeating someone else. I think he's jealous of the baby. I'm a granny now, have seen it many times unfortunately. Breast feeding makes the jealousy worse somehow, from anecdotal experience, when the baby is a boy. Don't give in to him. He's being a baby himself. Once your son is older he'll be able to parade him around on his own, if he still wants to 🤣 but until then you and what your baby needs should come first. Hope he realises if the DS is moved he'll have to get up in the night too to fetch him for you. He's being selfish and being French doesn't excuse that. Good luck.

This all sounds very controlling. Bf 'agreed' that baby could go into own room at 6.5 months as opposed to 6 months. 🚩

Your partner should be doing everything to support you to continue breastfeeding, not actively undermining you at every turn. He sounds controlling and frankly insufferable. Tell him to look up the benefits of breastfeeding and tell his parents to look up why the baby should be in your room. Honestly this would drive me mad.

I had a very difficult breast feeding journey and as you say yours is going brilliantly so you should not go to formula just so he can go to the pub on a few dad meet ups, its so selfish. Hes not thinking about whats best for baby.

@gratedcheeseandham

Well done OP! You’ve done great. Glad it’s gone so well for you!!

You can read your book elsewhere in the pub, or see an friend, and whip your boob out for food if need be. It’s really not that big a deal and so much easier than the alternative.

You may want to switch to a different approach later, just see, but he’s so little at the moment I’d stick as you are.

You can see how the 6 months moving out things goes nearer the time.

Is he always rigid? Keep your eyes open to his behaviour…..

You don’t sound unreasonable at all but it’s still early days. Your baby is only 8 weeks old, a very long journey ahead and perhaps best to not be short sighted. I say this from my own experience with my little girl at 6 months got really really really unwell with a temperature for 10 days non stop, she wasn’t feeding obviously as she was sick but wouldn’t go to anyone. I remember being nap trapped and needing to pee so badly that i went with her still attached to me! she is alot older now and again was unwell but wouldn’t go to anyone else so having to change her and myself after she threw up on us both but refused to let go whilst I tried to clean us both so think long term. There is a part of me that wants to say your baby is too young to be away from you on dads night out but then, we know there are family units with 2 dads (in my NCT group) and they cope just fine so not on the fence with that one. As for the sleeping in your room, I think it’s very individual- if your child will have a better nights sleep in their own room, when he is older (say 6 or 9 months old) why wouldn’t you? Would you just keep him in your room because it’s easier for you? I kept mine in until 10 months, I still go check in but we are all sleeping much better and if she didn’t like it I would have kept her with me until whenever she was ready! (Not when I was ready) I would never be ready. Just do what is best for Your baby.

I am not loving this boyfriend of you. What on earth made you want to have a child with him?

Absolutely this. The pub stuff is performative!

I don't even know how to sterilise the bottles we got for occasional use - we did six weeks where my DH would give some expressed milk at night. He did absolutely everything to do with the bottles.

My opinion...

I had really similar discussions with my DH when our son was tiny, but it was more because he wanted to take him at night so I could sleep and he was worried about me getting PPD if I was sleep deprived. He also wanted to take bottles of expressed milk out with us in case our son got hungry in the car when I couldn't breastfeed him.

Anyway - as long as you're happy and baby is healthy and gaining weight well, don't bother introducing a bottle, I found it so much less faff not having to worry about sterilising and remembering bottles going out and all that. You're the one feeding the baby and who'd have to be doing more work if you introduced bottles so sod that. And if you feel it's the best thing for you and baby which I did, nothing selfish about that.

Also if you do want a break at some point when baby's bigger, don't feel bad about pumping and leaving a bottle. But you don't need to do that for your boyfriend's benefit. Totally reasonable to go to the pub and sit elsewhere in case your baby gets hungry.

A parents want to introduce a bottle doesn’t mean a baby will take a bottle, my little boob monster won’t entertain a bottle even with fresh pumped milk in. We did try so that my partner could help out, genuine help mind not performative parenting down the pub. My partner bought the bottles and the sterilised and did all the cleaning and sterilising, he also washed and sterilised my pumps.
If you don’t want to then put your foot down! But if you decide to try because he wants you to then it’s his job to buy and clean the bottles pumps etc.

It's not surprising that BF rates in the UK are through the floor with so many people queueing up to undermine any woman doing it successfully.

That's going to work well. Baby is out with his father who doesn't look after him that often anyway, in a noisy pub, gets hungry, is suddenly presented with a bottle for the first time. What are the chances that he's just going to accept it quite happily?

Why can you not express some milk and get baby to take your milk either from your breast or from a bottle?

I was lucky to have a plentiful supply and a baby who would take milk from me and a bottle.

Read reviews to buy a good pump, it doesn’t need to be an electric one. Once you get the pump properly attached it should be simple to express if you have a good milk supply.

Doing this meant once DS1 was a few months old I could pop out for an hour and know DP could give DS1 a bottle if he was hungry. DS2 was less keen on the bottle but we got there.

As for the rest, take it a day at a time, work on getting him to change nappies. And for moving baby out of your room, see how things are at 6 months rather than borrowing trouble now.

You managed to get a dummy into the situation. I left it too late to introduce bottles and dummies so my Dd just rejected them. Babies usually need to suck to go to sleep so I've been very limited re any socialising.

Other people dpn't need to feed a baby in order to bond. That is a load of nonsense.

This, although I don’t agree with the part about it being easy to pump. I had no problem breast feeding but struggled to pump.
6months x how ever many children you have is a long time to not be apart from your baby ever in case it needs to feed. It does become a bit easier once eating solids becomes established but still hard at bedtimes if you continue feeding.
I appreciate the reasons were perhaps not the best from your BF but I think you should consider trying eg 3 bottle feeds a week to give yourself a break and him chance to bond. I do think feeding is a different bond to eg changing a nappy.

No. Why should she?